There’s a condition that some people find themselves in neck-deep, and that’s called DENIAL. This is when you do your best to avert attention from the fact that you really don’t like yourself by raising a stink about other people not doing their job or trying to keep you from your full potential. Of course I want everyone to love themselves and try their hardest to make themselves better. But people in denial only pretend to love themselves, and they pretend to try making themselves better, when actually they deeply can’t see any hope in their situation.
Whining complaints show your self-dislike
How can you tell if you’re being positive or if you’re in denial? A tell tale sign that someone is in denial is when they complain loudly about others, while trying to push the image that they are not letting these people hold them back. “She really hates me so she’s trying to thwart my efforts to improve myself…but I’m really above her petty attempts and will shine in the end.” Oh really? Does she really think about you 24/7, carefully planning your demise? Or are you really hoping to see her demise so you can feel better that someone else feels bad about herself?
“They’re all against me, but I know that I must prevail.” Hmmm…Are they really all against you? Or, are you throwing yourself in their way so it would appear like they’re against you, but in reality you’re creating your own obstacles?
“These people don’t want me to succeed, but I will show them what I’m made of.” Are you really looking for a personal challenge? Or, are you already looking for excuses to why you aren’t succeeding?
Think about this carefully, folks. When you are in denial, you’re not at peace with who you are; you find all sorts of obstacles that create disharmony in your life so that you don’t have to face the fact that you don’t like who you are. You may tell others that you don’t care what others think and that you’ve got the “can-do” attitude despite the challenges. But what’s really happening is that you’re finding all sorts of “enemies” to lay blame for your anticipated lack of growth.
Compare that to truly accepting and loving yourself, when you don’t see any obstacles, and all you see are opportunities to grow in life. The struggle is all in your head.
JERK BE GONE 
3 comments
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5 October 2009 at 5:56 am
Groundy
The deNILE is just like that river!
I think I lived in it for a long time. I believe that while I was trying to get out, I was also ruining my life, my career and family. I allowed him to beat my self-esteem to zilch, that I started doubting my own self in my work. A job I’d done for over 20 yrs. I was second guessing decisions, things that in gaming can’t be done. I have finally learned to move out of my own obstacle course in life. Granted once in a while a wrench gets thrown in, but I deal with it. My life isn’t against me, it’s for me now!
Great post as always!
Karen
30 March 2013 at 9:16 pm
chris60
Unfortunately people sometimes do block you from achieving a goal. However, often it is up to the individual to set practical goals and follow through for personal growth and create a life that makes you feel good about yourself. Progress is made by being honest and accountable and looking forward instead of finding a host of excuses for why you feel stuck or held back. Where abuse or exploitation is involved, the perpetrator will call you crazy and deny your reality and yet try to block you from leaving. That is where there can be a fine line between denial and gaslighting. As for self love. Our feelings can wax and wane, and certain toxic types derive delight in putting your down and shattering your confidence and faith in your abilities and basic rights. Think of bully bosses or abusive partners and the damage they can do to your self esteem.Identity is not fixed and feelings about one’s self can change. Having said all that, if you lead a productive, healthy and satisfying life and enjoy good relationships it is easier to feel better about yourself and life in general. Good choices help in developing better self-esteem…and a hint of luck doesn’t hurt.
25 August 2013 at 11:04 am
Anon
What about feeling like you want the person to be FOR you? Not that they are against you, but that they have sort of abandoned you passive aggressively, but still leave you hanging by one string. You’re open to the fact that they might want to cut you off, but you don’t want to do it yourself out of love and patience for them—maybe you even hold up the scissors in the most neutral way possible and say “do you want me to cut this?” But they are completely unresponsive, leaving you to wait some more. I guess the answer is just cut the string…ugh that’s so sad. Also, this is in reference to friendships/nonromantic relationships. Makes it harder because you can’t break up with them.