Boo hoo…he didn’t even try to fight for you when you left him. Some women like to use that statement to add extra salt to their wounds after a break up. As if the break up wasn’t hard enough, a woman can extend the self torture by feeling hurt because her man didn’t try to win her back. SNAP OUT OF IT, LADIES!! Stop hoping for this, and recognize that IT’S A VERY GOOD THING HE DIDN’T FIGHT FOR YOU.
Here’s what is really happening when you break up and hope he will try to win you back: YOU ARE TESTING YOUR WORTH TO HIM TO EASE THE PAIN THAT HE’S CAUSED YOU. If he fights for you, your ego is temporarily inflated, but that will soon fizzle when you realize that the pain he caused you is still there. If he doesn’t fight for you, your ego is crushed and you’ve added more hurt in the pile of hurt you’ve accumulated by being with him. UGH! Why the heck would you want to set yourself up for that? It’s a losing proposition!
I have made this mistake several times with my jerky ex. I would break up with him in some dramatic way, half wanting the pain be done with and half hoping he’d fight to keep the relationship going. When he wouldn’t fight for the relationship, I felt so crushed that the additional pain was too much for me to bear, so I would run back to him convincing him to take me back. The last time I broke up with him, I didn’t run back to him but I was still hoping he would fight. When he didn’t, I added more pain to the pile of work ahead of me. But because I was determined to work my way past it, I broke free of the cycle of running back. When I look back at all the times I was expecting him to try to win me back, I see that it was not even worth a moment of hope. In hindsight, my healing could have been much faster had I decided to move on with zero hope.
Many women are worse than I in their thinking. They plot the break up for the sole purpose of testing their man. I can’t think of a more insane way of trying to become a more loving and wise person! If this is you, slap yourself across the face because you’re a bona fide bee-atch! This is outright manipulation. No one deserves to be manipulated. Either you want to be with him, or you don’t.
When a man has driven you to the point of no return, he doesn’t deserve a second chance. The key in making sure that you’ve exhausted all chances of salvaging the relationship is to openly discuss your differences and come to an agreement on a way to move forward. If he seems to be stuck in a cycle of his breaking promises, then JUST GO because he’s already voted with his actions. Don’t play childish games of break up and make up. It’s just a delay tactic in the inevitable. You should be spending your time and energy on improving your life, not get stuck in games. Remember that a serious relationship is there to help you grow as a person. IF IT ISN’T HELPING YOU GROW, THEN IT’S JUST TIME TO GO.
FINAL THOUGHT – If he doesn’t fight for you after you’ve broken up, be thankful and RUN DAMMIT, RUN! Don’t get sucked back into the games.