My boyfriend and I recently had a 2 week visit in California together. Although the objectives included fight training and business meetings, the primary goal was to introduce him to my family and friends. It seems kinda strange to be pushing 40 and bringing home a boyfriend to meet the family, but it was still an important part of the relationship.

I’ve only introduced 3 other men to the family, and in all cases previous, the family were not agreeable. But at those times, I didn’t realize how screwed up my ability to pick men was. The men I chose were only a reflection of how poorly I viewed myself and how insecure I was with what I wanted. I remember being nervous about introducing them and trying to present them in a way that would make them sound hard-working, honorable, and respectable. I remember even trying to prep them in what to say or do in front of the family. But the family sniffed right through them, and the criticism soon surface. I didn’t want to believe their assessments, so I would rationalize that it didn’t matter what they thought because they really didn’t understand what made me happy.

But this time was different. I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t insecure about the judgement, and I was actually looking forward to hearing what they thought of him. The entire experience was incredibly pleasant, and the family really liked him. This time was different because I was different. I had evolved into someone who realized that I had been choosing partners that were appropriate to my mindset. If I was insecure, blameful, unhappy with life, then I chose a man who kept me insecure, blameful, and unhappy. If I was confident, compassionate, and happy, then I chose a man who will keep me confident, compassionate, and happy. The formula is very simple: THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE A REFLECTION OF HOW YOU VIEW YOURSELF. No man was ever going to save me from my former pathetic self. As soon as I realized that and changed how I viewed myself, the perfect man appeared who would make me continue to feel good about myself. It’s the law of attraction simply put, but it actually works.

When we don’t realize how poorly we think of ourselves, we surround ourselves with things that continue to make us feel that way. You might not even realize that you think poorly of yourself. You might think that you are happy with yourself. You may think that you deserve better than what you’re getting. You may even think that you’re doing things to make your situation better. But here are a few hints that indicate otherwise:

  • Are you with someone who makes you unhappy or uneasy?
  • Are you blameful of someone for making you unhappy or ruining your life?
  • Do people close to you think you shouldn’t be hanging around someone because they believe he is harmful to your life?
  • Do things always seem to go wrong in your life and you can’t seem to catch a break?
  • Are you with someone who makes you unhappy or uneasy? (oh, did I already ask that?)

So back to my story. I remember telling my boyfriend that all he needed to be was himself and requested that he didn’t try to be anything he wasn’t. I was completely confident that just by being himself, the family would see his genuine nature. I knew that I was with someone who was honest, compassionate, and loyal, which was everything that I knew I was. So I wasn’t at all nervous of the meeting. I even told myself that if my family saw something that I didn’t, that I would actually take heed of their perspective instead of dismissing it. Everything went well and the family saw what I saw. No front, no pretense, no bullshit, no drama. That was a perfect reflection of how I saw myself.

I had a nice chat with my grandma just after he caught his flight back to New Zealand. She told me she already loves him and was already missing him. No front, no pretense, no drama…that’s the way life should be.

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