My guy friend recently dumped his girlfriend after about 3 months of dating. Apparently, she went ballistic and cried, yelled, and accused him of using her and cheating her. Then she got her mother to yell at him through phone text. Ladies, ladies, ladies….Don’t go ballistic on a nice guy who dumps you. It’s a gift to you to help you understand where you are in life.

Don't go ballistic

Going ballistic is a sign of underlying troubles with yourself

My friend is an outstanding fellow who is confident, honest, and hard-working. Remember that I can sniff out jerks like a hound dog sniffing out crap stains on your underwear, so I know he’s not a jerk. After 3 months of dating his ex, he decided to end it because there were hints of incompatibility that started to be more visible each day. Even though they made holiday plans later in the year, he decided it was fair to everyone if he didn’t keep the relationship going. They’re both university students and were in the middle of exam season. Not the most convenient of times to break up, but when exactly is it suppose to be convenient?

I only met his ex twice, so I don’t really know her that well. But I can believe how some ladies, especially those in their early 20′s, react like crazy women whose hopes and dreams are dashed when a man tells them that their not the one. It’s going to be one of those hard life lessons that you have to learn about attaching yourself to a man you hardly know to the point of going ballistic when he’s gone. Self delusion about where a relationship is going is a very common mistake for young ladies. They look at things with googly eyes, believe that this man could be the one, and find all sorts of justification of why he seems perfect. Then when the big news comes that he really wasn’t the one, the hope bubble is deflated in one pin prick. Some go ballistic, others withdraw in self pity and shame.

To be fair to my friend’s ex, she did call him back to apologize for the poor behavior. I wish her a speedy recovery, because I know a blow up like that is very indicative of underlying difficulties with self acceptance. Apologizing is a great first step, but it will take longer to actually realize what went wrong.

Please please please don’t get so caught up in the fantasy that you’re not actually seeing what’s happening with the relationship. Trust me, it’s a gift when an honest guy has the courage to dump you in person. It’s the only thing he can do when he doesn’t see how you can be his long term partner. Jerks won’t have the same courtesy. Remember jerks don’t play fair, so they’ll string you along with their own hidden agenda and either drive you crazy for months on end or wait until it’s convenient for them to no longer have you on booty call.

Jerk or no jerk, get your head out of fantasy land and look carefully at the compatibility. A good question to ask yourself to check if you’re stuck in the fantasy is “Will I be fine if I he dumped me today?” If the answer is yes, then congratulations you’ve got your head screwed on right. If you answer no, then you’ve got issues with being by yourself. No man is going to save you from yourself.