Here’s a great question you should be asking yourself when you want to know the true nature of your feelings for another person. Is it love or is it attachment? Sometimes when you really think you’re in love with someone, you’re actually attached to that person. The difference is pretty clear; it is in your desire for that person’s happiness and personal growth, with or without you.

Obsession of someone is obviously an attachment. Most people know what obsession is, and wouldn’t classify their relationship as that. But not too many people consider their relationships attachments, which is why it’s harder to realize until you ask yourself if you really want for the person’s happiness, even if that means that you need to step aside. I guess there’s nothing wrong with having relationships based solely on attachment, and there have been some that have lasted nearly a lifetime. But attachment is not TRUE LOVE.

True love, which is the nature of a peaceful co-existence, requires that we no longer project our desires and fears onto others. Whenever we truly love someone, we no longer see ourselves in the overview of the person’s fulfilled life. When we project ourselves in another person’s life, we are our seeing our desires and wants, which is a reflection of what makes us happy. Now if the person that makes you happy happens to be the same person to whom you wish a happy life, with or without you, then boy have you got a great thing going!

In previous intimate relationships, I never bothered asking myself if I wanted this person to be happy without me. I assumed that if I wanted the person and the person wanted me, then that was all the love we needed. This attitude really made for miserable times with that person, especially when there was a disagreement, or when we broke up. When you are attached to someone whom you do not truly love, all your actions are self-serving. You want the other person to suffer without you. You want him to realize that he needs you. You want him to apologize and beat himself up for upsetting you. You may put on the most gracious face for all to see, but you know how you really feel about things….the relationship is all about YOU YOU YOU.

Stop and think…DO I WANT THIS PERSON TO REALIZE THAT HE WOULD BE MUCH HAPPIER WITHOUT ME IF THAT WERE THE CASE?