I know it’s been a long time since I posted on this blog, mostly because I’ve been quite busy with exciting things happening in my life. Earlier this year, I picked up and moved to New Zealand, somewhere I’ve wanted to live for about 15 years now. I finally did it, and haven’t regretted it since.  I really have to thank the jerks in my life for helping make that happen. Without them, I would have never really looked at myself and what made me genuinely happy.

Ever since I first visited New Zealand a decade and a half ago, I knew I wanted to eventually live there, but never had the guts to do so. My life was well established in California, so I made excuse after excuse for not leaving the status quo. I didn’t make the move because I feared losing what I was attached to. I was attached to my family, my wealth, and my drama.  I didn’t really evaluate what would actually make me happy beyond the attachments. I was too busy focusing on what actions would make me lose what I had rather than what actions would make me happy.

Every experience with a jerk left me emotionally drained and fearful of not recovering. My self esteem was low, and I was vulnerable every time. It was a vicious cycle because I generally adopted the thinking that happiness was just a little beyond my reach. I didn’t even realize just how much I set myself up for disappointment after disappointment by thinking that it would be better later in life. The subconcious works beyond our awareness and I was acting out everything I didn’t want because I trained myself to keep happiness at bay.

Without the jerks, I would have still subconciously lived as if happiness was just on the other side of the fence. But the jerks were major catalysts in helping me re-adjust my thoughts on what happiness was. Because the pain they triggered in me was so intense, I naturally seeked something that would prevent  me from experiencing that pain again. Thus, I took a long hard look at who I was and who I wanted to be.

So I decided that I wanted to live for happiness at all times. I became immersed in self help writings and books to help me understand more about human nature, and spent loads and loads of time alone by myself and thinking aloud. The outcome was fabulous. I emerged more powerful than I ever have been, not because I rejected others, but because I finally accepted myself. I accept that I’m no longer wealthy. I accept that I’m no longer young. I accept that people will not always give me the respect I want. I accept that I could lose friends, family, and possessions at any moment. Once I accepted all that, it became more clear that my life would be more fulfilled if I lived in a way that would make me happy now, not when I can achieve or afford something, not when someone loves and accepts me, not when I get my revenge. If it doesn’t make me happy now, I’ll leave it alone and find something that does.

So I told my family I was headed for New Zealand, and sold or gave away most of possessions in California. It’s amazing how clear things are once I got rid of the things that were cluttering my life. If I lost everything in the world today, I would still be happy. That’s how confident I am in knowing that I found happiness. Whenever I get some sort of feeling of fear come over me about something, I do an “about face” because I would know that I was heading in the wrong direction. I always always always lead in the direction of happiness and never follow in the guidance of fear.

There is a difference between accountability and acting on fear. Acting on accountability is neutral. It’s doing things based on your preference in dealing with the consquences. If I don’t pay my bills, my Internet will go down. But I’m not unhappy if my Internet goes down because I don’t pay the bills. I’d just rather not have to deal with the inconveniences of not having Internet. If I moved to New Zealand, I would lose the convenience of running my California-based company from California. But I’m very happy in New Zealand, so I choose to deal with the inconvenience because I’m living where I like.

You’ll find that if you choose actions that lead to imminent happiness rather fear of the consequences, you’ll start to find peace within yourself. Be truthful with yourself about what makes YOU happy, not what makes anyone else happy and you will know in which direction your life needs to go. Don’t hide, don’t horde, don’t fear the ridicule or disapproval. All things in life are fluid so go with where your happiness flows. It’s the most natural thing to do.