His mind games

Playing mind games is when someone behaves in a way in attempt to indirectly control another person’s behavior. Success at mind games gives a person a heightened sense of achievement or superiority. The activity is being put in the realm of playing a game because the person who is successful at controlling another person’s behavior is considered to be the winner, while the person being controlled is the loser. Although both individuals can willingly participate, not many people realize they’re participants in these games. It’s one of those unspoken activities between two people to which neither wants to admit being a partipant.

Don't play his mind games; don't start any

Mind games are a favorite past time among jerks. They’re one of my biggest annoyances. I can’t stand being around anyone who tries to play them on me. After being the loser of so many of these games, I’ve gotten pretty good at detecting their presence, and I run like the wind from someone who attempts them on me.

A good rule of thumb for my avoiding this activity is to avoid anyone who makes me feel uneasy about being myself without any intention of helping me. That’s the basis of a mind game, which is to make another person feel like he or she needs to change the normal behavior pattern. It becomes quite satisfying when a player is able to get the other player to do something. In many cases, these games are for outright manipulation to get a certain result. In other cases, these games are just to amuse the player.

A common mind game occurs during the dating stage, when one person tries to be the mentally stronger and more independent person than the other to appear more alluring and attractive. Maybe he’ll wait three days before calling her for a second date. Maybe she’ll wait a day before returning his call. It’s seemingly harmless at this stage, but be careful…if you’re feeling uncomfortable about someone’s enthusiasm or lack of it, stay away. Don’t think a person who seemed to have a good time with you on the first meeting but suddenly goes cold is someone who you want to deal with; the mind game has already begun, so get the hell out of there. Look for consistency in someone new. If you don’t see consistency, don’t bother with him.

Mind games don’t only occur at the start of a relationship, they can occur all through the relationship if you allow them. Even YOU are suspect at starting them. Have you ever withdrawn your affection because you want your partner to feel like he’s a bad person who should apologize? You probably don’t admit such actions are mind games, but they are. Although the action may be the same as stepping away to calm yourself into a more rational person, your mind set is vastly different because you’re enacting in an attempt to control your partner.

I remember watching the 2001 movie “Two Can Play At That Game” where the lead character (played by Vivica Fox) launches into a war of mind games with her boyfriend. It seemed everyone in the movie, including the couple, was aware of the games, but no one wanted to admit to the other that he or she was playing games. The scenes were excrutiating for me to watch because they were painful reminder of how pathetic I was when I fell into the trap of games. Most of the time I wasn’t aware I was in the games, but sometimes I was fully aware and tried to win at them. Whatever the case, it was BIG BIG waste of my time. I always felt uncomfortable with myself because someone was always trying to get me to change, or get me to do little tricks for them.

Don’t play mind games. Don’t fall into them. Don’t start them. Just don’t. Remember, if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable with yourself, and you don’t feel as if they’ll stick around if you don’t change for them…RUN DAMMIT, RUN!! People you deal with MUST take you for who you are, or they can kiss your fabulous ass good bye. You got better things to do with your time.