A home wrecker purposefully maintains a love affair with someone who is in a committed relationship. Being a home wrecker does not necessarily mean that the person is void of any virtue, but it is indicative of an unhealthy view of the self. Home wreckers cannot see that they are doomed to act out the drama cycle that keeps them from finding value in a committed relationship.
They lie in wait
In the simplest explanation of their behavior, home wreckers seek to win the attention of an unavailable person. It’s the pure challenge of winning over something that is valuable to another person that drives the home wrecker into action. These people come in both genders, but a higher percentage of them are women. Jerks are well aware of this disfunction in women and take full advantage of it. I have heard many times from jerks that the best way to get a woman to be attracted to them is to reveal that they are in a committed relationship. One cheating jerk that I knew pointed to the wedding band on his finger and said with a big grin on his fathead face, ”chick magnet.”
When a home wrecker falls for a committed man, nothing happens when the guy is not a jerk; maybe he’ll get an inflated ego when she invites him for a drink and laughs at his corny jokes…but generally, no harm done because he won’t allow it to go any further than flirtation. But what happens when she falls for a jerk? SHE CHECKS INTO DRAMA CITY MOTEL! The home wrecker-jerk attraction is so strong that it’s probably almost as common as having a personal trainer (not a qualified statement of course, but you can guess that my Love Triangle article had the most hits on my blog.)
A home wrecker is likely to be in denial of what she is doing. When in full operation, she thinks she’s fallen in love with a great man who happens to be committed. She thinks it’s just bad timing that she got there last. She doesn’t see anything wrong with following her heart if it calls her to something that others would see as bad. When trapped in this cycle, her primary focus becomes winning him over, so she tries her hardest to get his attention. She becomes obsessed with his daily routine and home life, and starts imagining herself as the happy wife. She becomes booty call whenever he has spare moments. In general, she seeks out the thrill of the chase rather than the value in what the cheating jerk has to offer. Often her plot is unsuccessful in getting the jerk to leave his significant other, but that does not deter her from trying it on someone else. On rare occassions when a home wrecker is successful, the resulting relationship is isn’t.
I have had affairs with married jerks, and the experience was exactly how I described it above. I’m not proud of that period in my life, but I have learned quite a bit about myself over those traumatic episodes. It was an unhealthy cycle. The unhealthy view of myself caused me to seek out such relationships. I had low self esteem, and I didn’t like myself. I didn’t think I would find someone who would like me enough to be committed to me, so I didn’t value committed relationships. Because I didn’t value committed relationships, I found it quite easy to fall for a committed man. I wasn’t really interested in being with him. I just wanted the external validation, not realizing that what I was doing was being careless with something that was precious to someone else.
If I just described your behavior, please stop. It’s a losing proposition because only jerks will entertain your sick offer. You are not mentally prepared for a healthy relationship, and you will continue to set yourself up for disappointment and wasted time in your personal growth. Stop putting poison in your karmic soup, and start treating other people’s relationships with respect. Oh and one more thing…YOU’RE A PYSCHO BITCH.
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27 January 2009 at 11:36 am
Barbara
I wrecked a home 30 years ago. He left his newborn girl & wife, married me. We had 3 sons together. Step daughter lived primarily with mom, with dad, her brothers and me for about 5 years. Same city, close proximity to mom. After I lashed out at her harshly & unfairly, crossing boundries where I had no business, she and her husband stopped sending or recieving ALL comunications with her dad, brothers and me. She stated her I ruined her life for 30 years.
Her dad and I love her. Not a day goes by that I don’t hate myself for everything, the knowledge that I killed this young girls life by having an affair over 30 years ago haunts me every day, I dream about her every night. What goes around comes around. Call it Karma. But I believe in what you wrote about the “challenge”,and bitches.
27 January 2009 at 9:53 pm
Van
Hi Barbara! You are a rare case when the relationship from an affair is successful. I’m glad things worked out for you and your husband.
Your step daughter has to take responsibility for her own life so please don’t weigh yourself down with blame. I’m sure there was much more involved in her pain than you. If she has cut communication with you, then so be it. You can still love her by allowing her to find her own way to happiness.
Do not feel bad for moving on with your life. May you find peace.
17 February 2009 at 1:29 am
sannat98
Hey Van
Had aquestion or requesting your take on a matter. I know someone who believes that as long as your not sleeping with someone, once the person isn’t “married” just involved that they have every right to take a shot of being with that person, that person is fair game.
Personally I think the situation is a big no no, I hope I could never get involved with a man who is knowingly involved with another woman, no matter how much problems they are having. Before I did any self searching, b4 trying to be a stronger me, the idea was just a no no mostly without any valid reason. Now, thx to your blog as well as susan’s I just think its a no no because I don’t want to save anyone from a bad relationship. Get out, be better and that’s the person I would want to be with.
Yeah, so what are your thoughts on the matter?
17 February 2009 at 11:27 am
Van
I believe that the healthiest relationships start when both individuals are completely single and individually strong. If you don’t have all of these components on both sides, then you are more likely to run into drama. I’m not going to say it’s morally wrong or right to go after someone who is already attached, but I’d warn heavily against it because some kind of trust is violated at some point during the existing relationship. Someone will be hurt or damaged as a result, and that is never desired. It’s best to leave someone to be alone if he or she doesn’t have the minimum qualities you need in a relationship and THEN find a new person who meets your minimum qualities after you’ve been single and shed your feelings for the other person. It’s only human to continue to have feelings for the person you have just left, so give yourself time in between partners to recover. When your feelings overlap for two people, you never resolve the old feelings.
Would you want to be a placeholder relationship for your boyfriend until something better comes along? I certainly wouldn’t. I would want a committment from him to try his best at the relationship instead of keeping his eyes open for greener pastures. If it doesn’t work for him, then he should be up front about it, leave me, and try with someone else later. There is no way he can be trying his best at his relationship with me if he’s looking out for something better.
19 May 2009 at 12:55 am
Winged One
There is another type of Home-wrecker that I’ve had the unpleasant experience of of being exposed to. I refer to them as “Female Home-wrecker Parasites”. You might like to consider my description. Maybe you already have your own name or maybe some professional has given it a name. Let me first apologize if you find the attributes that define the individual and name a bit charged. Sorry, my wounds are still raw.
Home-wrecker Parasite:
An individual who deliberately poaches married men for reasons other than those society normally attributes to adults who marry.
Self preservation is their fundamental aim.
They usually manifest one or more of the following characteristics: Drug addicted (generally multiple substances starting with Alcohol), unemployed, irresponsible, reckless, ultimately lazy, self-destructive, multi-tasking abuser of others, criminal in behavior (possible record), divorced or never married, child neglecting and abusing (custody rights removed), smoker, generally displays a horrendous diet (soda, pizza, candy) is more often grossly underweight or overweight.
Talents can include: Petty or better theft, party-girl, seductress (non-discriminating promiscuous slut), creative writers (excuses), expert story-tellers, consistently stellar actors (sic con artists) use any existent youth to their advantage, expert in all known methods of male seduction, often strategic thinkers (eg how to use your child to keep out of jail)
Targets any vulnerable male
I am sure you know the type. Please feel free to contribute your research findings to this growing database.
I would also provide the recently conceived title and description applied to my husband. But he has confronted the errors of his ways in a very real way. We are presently engaged in marriage restoration activities, respectively and jointly making stellar progress. To out embarrass him might be counterproductive to his growth.
Thank you.
19 May 2009 at 2:59 pm
Van
Goodness, Winged One! You must have had one dramatic experience. Looking forward to seeing you blog it all out as I have!
Yes I know the type. I’ve not had the experience of meeting one, but I have heard from a trusted guy friend that this was the type of woman his ex-girlfriend was. Sounds somewhat sociopathic, but no matter what we call it, it’s damaging to the vulnerable who get sucked in. I know men are also prone to that behavior. For whatever reason (upbringing, trauma, or chemically imbalanced) these people do not value relationships, and should be avoided by normal people. Unless treating this type of condition is your profession, I highly recommend anyone who can recognize such behavior to VAMOOS! The best way to protect ourselves against these people is to not let them into our lives. They are very very charming people and can dazzle you with personality so that they can take from you what they want at will. What they don’t want you to see is that there is absolutely no substance to their existence. It’s all for show, and it’s all meaningless to them. Stay away, stay away, stay away!
I’m very happy to hear that you and your husband have actively confronted the situation and opening up communication. You are a very mature person to work with your husband on the healing. So long as he truly wants the healing, you should provide it. May you find peace.
26 May 2009 at 8:35 am
MovedOn
Alicia Babcock is a homewrecker that has no qualms in trying to ruin a marriage. Her mother claims she is a victim but she knew she was dating a married man and replied “so what”. Well she wasn’t too happy when he returned to his wife.
I think most homewreckers lack values, morals and strength. Its not because they have a low self esteem but rather the opposite, they want to be adored by every man regardless of his marital status. They long to be the center of attention and the more you say “you can’t have” the more they want. The persons that they are involved with becomes a “prize” an object and not the commitment that they seek or adoration that they seek.
17 June 2009 at 8:20 pm
Jane
There’s nothing wrong with being a homewrecker…perhaps to the wife of the married man (because she’s too stupid to realize that he’s a weak jerk)…it takes two to tango.
Sorry, but I’m not convinced. I would never reach a point where I fell in love with him so much that I wanted him to leave his wife because I couldn’t live without him. He would leave because I stole his heart.
It’s all about the challenge from beginning to end. You win them and then you leave them.
Why am I doing this? It has nothing to do with low self-esteem (quite the opposite) or “strength” as movedon has mentioned.
I’m just fed up of cheaters because even the most perfect of perfect will get cheated on.
Btw, I’ m not a psycho bitch…I just lack morals (which are bullshit).
17 June 2009 at 8:29 pm
Jane
@ winged one
Bitter much?
Unfortunately, not all home wreckers fit the description you WOULD WISH them to have. In fact, what you are describing sounds more like some of the wives of the cheating bastards
Can you blame the bastards who were suckered into crappy marriages and deadbeat wives? No, I take care of my health, both mental(when it costs me money) and physical, I love children and children love me, I am quite servile to both my parents(because I love them to death), and I definitely take care of myself financially 
30 June 2009 at 11:50 am
MovedOn
I would have to agree with Jane not all homewreckers are trailer trash and the blame should fall back onto the husband. He is the jerk that couldn’t keep his thing in his pocket and hold on to his commitment.
Morals will always be an issue. Personally, if I know a man is married I wouldn’t want to get involve in his emotional triangle. Yes, most married men return to their wives because of the commitment made to them. Are they unhappy? Some are. There are those few men that actually stay in the marriage, figure out their own emotional unhappiness and fix it.
2 July 2009 at 1:47 pm
MovedOn
However Jane,
Couldn’t you find more challenging things to conquer other than a married cheating man? If that is the only challenge you have in life than make you should expand your exposure to include bunjy jumping or skydiving. You are hurting more than a cheating spouse and while it sucks to be them it also sucks to be you. Because you will not be able to experience a relationship that might have a chance of being “real”.
I don’t consider you to be psycho just misplaced in your sentiments.
9 July 2009 at 6:53 am
Maggie
There are predatory women out there who see a man and a life style they want and set out to wreck some other woman’s marriage. These women are usually insufficient personalities, women who have no concern for other people and don’t know the meaning of appropriate boundaries. Generally speaking, they are the left overs of the world – and for good reason. Most of them have troubled and unsatisfactory lives and ssk to spread their misery around. They are needy and emotionally unstable. Margaret Ecker, an old maid nurse in Los Angeles, is one such woman. She deliberately seeks out a married man and tries to take him from his marriage. So far she has failed but not for want of trying.
9 July 2009 at 8:40 am
Sasha
Van, u yrslf admitted u had affairs, does that mean u too are a PSYCHO BITCH. I think thats a bit hypocritical. As for ‘winged one’, yr in denial darln. Yr husband is a cheater. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Your just plain DUMB!! it takes 2 to tango.. Stop looking for someone to blame. Blame yourself for being so BLIND!
9 July 2009 at 12:41 pm
MovedOn
Maggie it sounds as though you have experienced your husband’s treachery first hand. I am sorry and hope you will feel better.
I hope you are able to forgive, forget and move on. Its hard to let go when done wrong.
My ex shares the blame as well. Alicia Babcock from Saint Germain WI is a homewrecker and a sleeze but my ex was the stupid AHOLE who started the whole affair. He also was not truthful with his feelings towards me. He admitted to blowing smoke up Alicia, he said he always wanted me and that she was nothing but a skank. The fact is, he still was unfaithful and she is no victim.
10 July 2009 at 7:46 pm
Van
Oh my..it’s really good to see such a broad range of opinions on this. You’re all fabulous for contributing your thoughts..thanks!
When I first read Jane’s opinion, I was was a little rocked off my chair in seeing how a strong woman can be in this matter. I replied offline and told her that I was glad she was a strong woman for having such views. But it still disturbs me when I see someone not have empathy for those who don’t have the same emotional strength. I don’t think Jane is a sociopath, but I also think it would be more mature to not make a game of other’s weaknesses.
MovedOn, you have a great view of the broader picture in life. Sounds like you went through alot like I have. I’ve always respected your posts on Susan Elliot’s blog. You are certainly a call it like it is when you know someone is misbehaving!
Maggie, I hope Ecker’s tits fall off.
Sasha, you’re absolutely right that I was a psycho bitch! I’ve admitted countless times in my past posts. These were times in my life that I wasn’t proud of, but certainly helped me understand where some of these women come from in what they do. I try not to judge much anymore, and only assess where they seem to be in life by comparing it to my path. I didn’t like being called dumb, but I know you probably didn’t read any of my other posts before you made that comment. There is a little method to my madness…ok maybe not..but I just like to whine sometimes.
10 July 2009 at 11:38 pm
Sasha
Mayb i was a bit overboard there wif my comments. I was also the OW for 9 years and i totally hate myself for it. A total waste of time. I believed all his lies. He even got my name tattooed on his body. I now have a 1yr old son to him. Dnt get me wrong. I do feel for the wives of these cheating jerks but not for the ones who want to go around and brag about their husband being angels and only blames the OW. It totally sucks. I am now raising my son on my own and wouldnt want it any other way.
14 July 2009 at 4:57 am
Maggie
MoveOn, thank you for your kind words. She deliberately came after my husband. It was planned and premeditated and calculated. You should see the emails. Absurdity at its most debasing. But, no go for Old Maid Ecker.
And, Van, you made me laugh out loud. I join you in that hope!
14 July 2009 at 1:34 pm
MovedOn
Maggie hold onto him but don’t let him get away with passing all blame onto Miss Ecker & don’t let your days be consumed with her either. You are far better than her. She is not worth it and in reality your husband means nothing to her, she is treating him like part of a game and he is the prize. Everyone hates to lose. She doesn’t want to lose. She is not seeing that you worked hard for your home, children and husband. She wants something that doesn’t belong to her and she is willing to steal for it – why let someone have what you worked for? Theft is not a game.
Miss Ecker will get what she has coming to. Forgive and put clear boundaries on your hubby. Let’s face it Ecker would not have his email address if he didn’t give it to her.
My husband’s lover proved what kind of person she was by driving drunk, leaving him at the scene of the accident with a broken leg and then fleeing to her home so that she wouldn’t get charged with a DUI. That was his rude awakening as to the character of Alicia Babcock.
I could never leave the scene of an accident. I would be too concerned over other people and their condition. There was the difference. He realized her character flaw but like I said I MOVEDON.
16 July 2009 at 4:22 pm
maggie
Moveon, you are wonderful and quite incisive. I like your thinking. I’m not too concerned with Ecker on the whole, just with the idea that another woman would come into good lives and try to wreck havoc. She worked with my husband 15 years ago, got his email address on the web from his new medical center, and emailed him out of the blue. Chatty, chatty. Her intention was clearly to take him out of his marriage, but despite his answering her emails for over a year he repeatedly told her he was happily married and in love with his wife. She was manipulative and calculating and really on a mission to get him. Declared her “love”. He has blocked her from his email (which he should have done before I discovered the emails), doesn’t accept her phone calls, so she has her brother phone him and leave messages and now she’s sent him a letter in the post demanding he call her by a certain date. He was a fool to fall for her needy emails, but that was the extent of it.
Why is it that it takes a broken leg – or a broken heart – to reveal the importance of character in our life relationships?
You’re a good one. You hang in there.
17 July 2009 at 9:58 am
MovedOn
Maggie, I have no idea why it takes a broken leg and a broken heart for a significant other to see value in the caring relationship that they truly have. I guess it goes to the grass always looks greener until, your actually on the other side and see the weed corrosion.
Maggie, it does sound like your husband has a stalker and kudos for the both of you for trying to put a stop to her rants. I think if the both of you in unity continue to confront her as a team she may realize she is wasting her time. However, you both may need to contact the authorities or an attorney if the harassment does not stop, who knows what she is capable of doing out of desparation. My prayers will be with you for a sound and solid marriage. I actually believe that honesty and trust can be restored. How wonderful that your husband is advising you of the emails. That should bring trust back into your lives & a big KUDOS for him not answering.
I am hanging in there and I thank you for your encouragement as well. I am a strong woman and believe in “you reap what you sow”. These woman will reap broken hearts and mental instability if they do not change their aldultery way.
We will reap a harvest of emotional security and financial stability for holding onto a commitment despite adversity and challenges. I personally have raised the bar in my own life to accept only the best of what God has to offer me & that includes forgiving my husband so that I can grow as a person. I believe we will overcome this incident and be better people for it. I know I have raised my expectations for myself.
18 July 2009 at 1:13 pm
JB
Quoting MovedOShe
“wants something that doesn’t belong to her and she is willing to steal for it – why let someone have what you worked for? Theft is not a game”
A man is not a possession. Perhaps this mindset is what led to having him “stolen” in the first place.
19 July 2009 at 4:21 pm
maggie
I don’t think you understand, JB. A woman does own her marriage. She owns the years she has put into making a good life for her family. She has invested herself in that marriage, years of her life. Predatory woman who see something they like and want just think they can waltz in wreck years of investment in a marriage. MoveOn didn’t say she “owned” her husband. She owned her place in her marriage. And good for her that she’s prevailed. If you’re taking up for the homewrecker, JB, you’ve come to the wrong place.
20 July 2009 at 7:55 am
MovedOn
the mindset of leaving a spouse because of instant sexual gratification or stealing a spouse for instant gratification is more of a subjective notion than understanding the concept of committed vows.
I guess a marriage license does not entitle ownership to a person but it does entitle ownership to the marriage and all it comes with including that person (his & her commitment, hard work-toil, sacrifices, joint parenting and joint assets, joint debt, career – so in other words everything he and she are and they together as a couple are not)
Why should a wife give up her dream and hard work for her husband’s dumb lustful moment that even he admits was the biggest mistake of his life? Mistakes and people can be forgiven, it doesn’t mean he has to stay in the mud forever. Nor does it mean the marriage is doom forever if all parties understand the boundaries.
3 August 2009 at 4:51 am
Kris
Question, I would like opinions on this situation.
I know this woman that is married and has been 15 years. last 4 unhappily, because husband cheated on her 4 years ago, and she tried to work things, but she can not , she says he ruined her. And now husband has had two strokes, and she says she stays because of their kid’s and him being disabled, said she feels sorry for him, But now is seeing a married man, and the married mans wife has health issues as well, he tells her, he can not have sex with his wife like he can her.The man also said he feels sorry for his wife as well. This man is a friend of her husbands brother. so she has known him for a long time. He has been with his wife 16 years and married 3. My friend says that she wished she had never got into this affair, because her feelings have gotten strong for this man, and feels bad because she does not want to be called a homewrecker, and does not want to hurt anyone else by all of this. But does not know how to let go. any opinions, You think they would work out, or not?
3 August 2009 at 3:39 pm
Van
Hi Kris. I don’t think it’ll work out in the long run. I think both parties involved have LOTS of underlying emotional issues that causes them to be untruthful about who they are. They are staying in relationships that are not making them happy and thinking that happiness lies just outside their current situation. In my experience this is usally a recipe for disaster. They are mistaking their guilt for compassion by staying with their spouses. It’s noble to face your responsibilities as a parent and compassionate human being, but to keep up the pretense of being a loving spouse when you would rather be passionate elsewhere is crazy. Really sounds like these 2 need to be alone for a while to figure out why they can’t be truthful about what they want. Only when they’ve each become comfortable with being on their own (no love affairs and no spouses) can they truly figure out if they belong together. Otherwise, the underlying emotional issues will just manifest in other types of drama even if they end up together.
11 August 2009 at 1:33 pm
MovedOn
Sounds like people need to go on and get happy. The marriage has failed and the truth is squashed so is the trust. If no one is attempting to be honest than I agree with VAN.
6 September 2009 at 3:47 pm
maggie
What I have learned since Margaret Ecker attempted to poach my husband is that nurses often use this tactic to attempt to snatch up desirable men. On the web I’ve found tales of nurses who email the fathers of newborns, the widowers of women who have died, the stressed males in families with seriously ill children. They send highly flattering, ingratiating emails intended to entice the men into a relationship that will benefit the home wrecking woman. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But these women do have an endless supply of potential victims from their workplace.
8 September 2009 at 7:15 am
MovedOn
I read too that promiscous women actually convince families that they are being victimized by the men pursuing them. Homewreckers are not willing to accept their share of responsibility for the affair. Its simple if you are being pursued by a married man just tell him “no” until he is divorced.
10 October 2009 at 2:59 pm
maggie
So, can someone explain why these home wreckers go after married men when there’s no upside for them?
12 October 2009 at 6:34 am
MovedOn
I think HWs do it for the drama & the chase. It masks their low self-esteem & denial of committed relationships.
HWs justify their bad decision because they don’t value your rleationship.
14 October 2009 at 12:17 am
Groundy
Dear Moved On..
I believe you’ve hit the nail on the head!
The HW’s do it for the drama and the chase.
my exh first exw was cheated on by the SAME woman that is also the one that my exh cheated on me with. That speaks volumes.
So, I’ve removed myself totally from their games. I’ve moved on; yes moved ON.
2 December 2009 at 6:13 am
Heartbroken
You all have such great comments. My husband told me he wanted a divorce the day after thanksgiving as i was driving home from my mothers (he doesn’t celebrate holidays due to religious purposes). I thought he was joking; there were no strains on our relationship. He told me that he no longer loved me and that he wanted a divorce; he didn’t see me in his future. I’ll never forget those words!! I have an 18 month old daughter and I’m 5 months pregnant with his second child. The girl he left me for knows he’s married and has kids, but doesnt even care. I told my husband that his new relationship is based on lust and that it wont last. He says he’s addicted to sex and has been sleeping with prostitutes, but, I think he’s saying that to protect his little homewrecker!! Does anyone have some advice on how to move on and stay strong? I’m completely losing it!
2 December 2009 at 8:51 am
Van
Oh my, that’s a doozy, Heartbroken! I would suggest to recognize that you need some time to grieve the loss. Stay as emotionally far away as possible from your husband, preferably distance yourself physically from him.
This is now your time to repair yourself, so avoid putting the focus on how bad of an asshole he is. Of course, it’s all easier said than done. I’m sure you will work out the logistics of how to repair yourself once you have the desire to (journal, support groups, reading, etc.).
Whatever you do, don’t lose the desire to come out stronger than ever! And please don’t even think about going back to him. Trust this process of personal growth because it’s been done millions of time before by others.
7 December 2009 at 8:06 am
Karin
Here’s what you do. File for divorce on the grounds of abandonment and adultery. Ask for child support, spousal support, health insurance, and life insurance on him with the children as beneficiaries and you as owner of the policy (so he can’t change the beneficiary). Ask for money to educate or train yourself so you can join the workforce. Ask that you and the children retain possession of the marital home and your vehicle. You’d be surprised how fast being flat broke kills lust.
And if the homewrecker has a family, make sure you tell them how she came into your marriage and family and broke it to smithereens. Tell his family, too. Out ‘em both to hell and back.
10 December 2009 at 3:23 pm
Surreal
Karin I like the way you roll.
14 December 2009 at 11:46 am
very hurt
Homewreckers have ruined my life. Carole Sawyer, and Claressa Seaton have both slept with my husband and produced children. Now their both taking him to court for child support. They both knew he was married and all he was looking for was money sex and attention. Now I Have to move on with our minor children because he cant afford to pay his child support and support out household. It’s sad because we also have grandchildren who will feel the affect of this divorce. I tried to work it out but that bitch claressa keeps making small comments about her child being his and the fact that Christmas will be here soon. I don’t want to come in between his to illegitimate kids. I wont let them step foot in my house so i will move our children out of the home. Noone wants a ho for a husband. And I certainly don’t want to have to face these whores everytime their kids come around. These bitches dont think they did anything wrong. They think we want pictures of these kids. I certainly don’t!
14 December 2009 at 1:03 pm
very hurt
Carole has also done this to another married man and has a two year old daughter by him. On her my space page she claimed to have cried many nights over him going backk to his wife. She decribed of how her nose was running due to the heavy crying. Leave this ho a message at carole sawyer on facebook in grand rapids.
15 December 2009 at 9:51 pm
Just Breath
wow.. hi ladies.. i stubbled on this site after feeling abit confussed and angry as i have just been bitten by a homewrecker. This is the first time for me. I want to name and shame.. but thats not really the way i like to go about things. My Partner’s has a “friend” how has been expressing abit toooo much love for my liking. I have had words with this women.. and she said my problem is that i’m too selfish! Are these women generally that dilusional ?
20 December 2009 at 5:27 pm
maggie
Yes, they are totally delusional, Breath. They think other women’s husbands are there for their picking but it really doesn’t work that way. The vast majority of men aren’t going to leave their wives for these tramps. These women need to be outed for the damage they do, coming into other women’s lives and trying to wreck the marriage. BIte her back.
26 December 2009 at 2:43 am
Just Breath
thanks for your comments maggie
I’m not married but my boyfriend has a friendship with this women that definately goes beyond any friendship i have ever known. Even though my boyfriend has been very clear that to her that he doesnt intend on leaving me between the two of them they try and make it look like i have a jelousy problem because i’m not comfortable about how the express their “connection”. She has made it clear to him that she is in love with him and that she would love to be with him. Now i’m the one who needs to go and seek counselling cause i feel like i’m going insane. She complains that she wants to spend more time with him and that i wont stop them from doing that. Girl friends i have mention this to think she is a bitch but my bf and Diana make it out like i’m the witch of the west.
26 December 2009 at 7:45 am
Surreal
First off if you are uncomfortable with this so-called “friendship”; then your boyfriend needs to respect your feelings the same way you would respect his feelings. That is a “relationship”. I believe Maggie’s comments are right on and I would definately out the biotch for what she is & if your bf has a problem with that then it is her problem – Not Yours.
27 December 2009 at 4:56 am
Just Breath
You know Surreal i agree.. this should be her problem not mine ! I am making this all MY problem when she is the one who needs to be in the nut house. I cant help but get so passionate about it and take offense to what she says about me.. she recently sent an email to my bf which included the following comments about me “do you think it would be better for her to get use to the fact on a regular basis that there is something special between you and I and we will always be together, by being open about us and keeping me in the picture, rather than making things worse by keeping things from her over a long period of time, which will increase her hopes that we may be drifting apart to eventually find out that things
haven’t changed between us?”
I’ve been trying to explain to my bf that “friends” dont write emails like that .. she is writing as if she is in a relationship with my bf instead of me ! She also continues to say in her email that i’m not treating him well and i’m controlling cause i’m trying to dictate his friends which is a load of rubbish.. its friends i want him to have.. NOT HOMEWRECKERS that are in love with him. If she was respectful to him she would keep her strong feelings to herself and understand he has chosen me and not her. My bf has told her once again she needs to find another man but she replies that she doesnt want another man… how can i not get upset about this. The sad thing is that this is making me miserable, and i dont feel like myself.. i’ve always been calm and kind but know i just feel i cant trust anyone and i’m on my guard. How do i make this her problem and not mine ?
27 December 2009 at 5:27 am
Van
Hi there Just Breath. I’ve kinda been silently watching over these posts because I realize that many of you feel very strongly about this topic and need to vent. But I see that you are very tormented with this situation so I want to just interject my thoughts. You and Surreal is correct in saying that this does not have to be your problem. It seems the two people involved in this “friendship” have little regard for your feelings, but you do not have to torment yourself over their immaturity. The definition of maturity is to understand what is best for all involved and take the action that is best for all. If I were you (and I am strictly saying that this is for myself), I would leave those two alone to work out their feelings for each other and get on with my own growth. I know it’s easier said than done with someone in your frame of mind, but here’s some food for thought…the security you seek in your bf right now is being threatened by external forces. That tortures you. How did you get to the state where this tortures you? There are questions about yourself that you must answer. Why do I need my bf? Why do I feel threatened? Why can’t I feel Ok about getting up and leaving a bad situation? Trust me on this, there are things about yourself that you need a better understanding of before you should worry about why people do what they do. Just take comfort in knowing that your bf and potential homewrecker are both idiots who need to grow up, and leave it at that. Your energy is for you..don’t waste it on idiots.
I’ve been in situation where one of my best friend’s wife absolutely hated me, even though she came into his life after me. I resented her for many years because she “took” my good friend away from me, thinking of her a catty jealous woman. I very much enjoyed my friend’s company as he very much enjoyed mine, but he was very uncomfortable with letting her know he hung out with me. He was convinced that she would never be understanding of our friendship. There hadn’t been any feelings exchanged between the two of us for many years, even before they got together. I just didn’t understand the jealousy his wife felt. It took me many years of maturity to realize that I didn’t have to understand the jealousy to consider her feelings. I decided tell my friend that I respected their relationship enough to disappear from their lives if she wanted that. So he made that offer to her, and sadly she eagerly accepted it and I never heard from him again. I lost a good friend, but I’m just fine with that because I know I don’t need to be with him and I know that other things in my life can make me happy. We both did the mature thing and went on with our lives.
So in summary, please don’t overthink why people do what they do and start thinking about why you do what you do. You might actually find that you don’t need to be involved in any of this “drama” and find yourself a good hobby.
3 January 2010 at 9:53 pm
Just Breath
Hi Van thanks for your comments.. since you posted your comments i’ve been thinking about what you wrote. You raised an interesting point…Maturity. I think what i find disappointing is that these two people in question dont seem to be displaying the maturity that you would expect adults to have. Surely if they had it would impact how they behave. In the past i have had male friendships that became complicated after the men would express more than “friendship” intentions even though they were in a relationship. My response has been to get out of there. But i guess i cant expect from everyone what i expect from myself. I’m learning. So i have tried to sit back and leave my bf and his homewreking friend to work things out. And the funny thing is that their friendship/relationship seems to be imploding. You see even though she has ecussed me of being selffish and controlling.. by bf has seen through her manipulation and has asked her to go find another friend. She pulled a stunt last week where she smsed saying she wanted to meet my bf and even though he didnt agree or confirm that he would meet up. She texted him the next day to say she was on a training heading to the city to meet him..meanwhile my bf and i were in bed. Brad became furious…accussing her of manipulation ! Well then she begged him to still meet her as she was crying in public. I took my moment to say .. dont you think its strange for a friend to behave this way ?? Well he didnt want to hear the “i told you so” and i said to him… off you go then.. you cant let down your friend…and he felt forced to go she her when he really didnt want to and told her that. And yet she still wont let go or atleast change her behaviour. This morning my bf text her to leave him alone pretty much and she called the house crying and begging to speak with him. Is it just me or is this women obsessed ? I watched fatal attraction afew nights ago… creepy.. i dont need such dramas.
4 January 2010 at 7:42 am
Brenda
Heartbroken:
I am so sorry you are going through this.
My friends’ husband hooked up with a woman (if you can call her that) 2 hours after meetng her at a bar. She was a social worker from a fargo, north dakota catholic charity who lived through the same as her mother was also a cheater. He stated he liked the way she made him feel as she gave him a lot of attention. His wife worked two jobs and went to school in addition to caring for his ill parents and their four children. What the husbands do not realize is that this woman is a preditor attempting to hurt his family (which she did). It not only deeply affected her but her four children and extended family and friends. It has been awful watching her in so much pain. Husbands are supoosed to protect their family. Him getting love and attention and a sense of affirmation from the other woman would be like me appreciating attention from a pedifile. For any of the other woman who are reading this….You are nothing but huge disgraces because you are not only affecting the wife but innocent children. God Bless you Heartbroken! You will be in my prayers.
4 January 2010 at 3:52 pm
Just Breath
Thanks for your comments Heartbroken. i totally agree with you when you say these women (or men for that matter) are preditors ! And your right it goes beyond just affecting the 2 people that are in the relationship. My bf has his own challenges in life.. and none of us are perfect but love give us the grace to try and accept people as they are but this women has brought a whole new dimension to our relationship picture. This is something that i cant overlook and say whatever to. My partner and friends have often described me as a strong women but now i feel like i’m a shattered piece of glass. The wife you described sounds like a selfless and given person who is trying to stretch herself to help and please everyone… Ever heard of the saying of “its no good to be too good” well i’m guilty of the same… give give give and this is the thank you that we get. I think its the lack of respect that bothers me the most.. My bf should have been protecting our relationship instead of stroking his own ego ! Yesturday my bf told this women Goodbye again… and for her to find another man…well i pointed out that “your not her man to leave in the first place” !!!!! he keeps saying goodbye over and over but she is still there.. and yesturday she rang our home phone and was crying on the phoning saying “Brad please pick up the phone let me talk to you…dont break it off with me through txt..please pick up the phone” ! WHAT FRIEND DOES THAT ????? i dont have my male friends crying on the phone to me if i cant see them etc.
This women is mental and what is also sad is that she is in her 40s and a single mother to a teenager. You would think she would be more mature. Well while i was at work she come to my place to talk to my bf as he wanted to say gbye to her.. i get a texted message to say that she left and so did he !! so i came home to an empty house. He leaves me a note.. not saying where he has gone just saying that he loves me and that he is giving me time to myself to focus on myself for a change and go spoil myself with massage etc and to decide if i am still inlove with him. We had spoken about spending some time apart the night before but when he left i felt abondoned and what hurt was that he didnt say where he was going and for how long in his note and proceeded to switch off his phone. Well i know he is with her. No suprise there and he text me saying that he said goodbye to her yesturday… well now i’ve come to the point of “whatever”. Van you are so right.. they are IDIIOTS… and i’m over dealing with these too monkeys that should be in a funny farm. They are both homewrekers as far as i’m concerned. They should both have a WARNING sticker attached to them saying “Preditor…beware will screw up your life if you get close enough”.
4 January 2010 at 8:08 pm
trying to move on
My husband had a mental affair with a woman months ago. She is what I believe to be a sociopath. He questioned weather or not he wanted to be with me or not.It broke my heart. She worked with him. We were adjusting to parenthood. He felt I wasn’t paying enouph attention to him and to much on our daughter. She gave him the attention I wasn’t. Even though he had feelings for her and flirted with her he never acted on them. Call me nieve but I believe him. He told me his feelings for her from the very beginning. He didn’t quite understand them himself because when he would rationilise them he knew she was crazy and no good for him. Still the feelings were there. I know I should credit him for not physically cheating but I feel I am very good to him and the feelings shouldn’t have been there at all. As far as she is consearned I have never felt such hatred for someone I have never met. She went to great efforts to get him to cheat on me with her. She makes me sick. I don’t just feel she has disrespected me but my daughter as well. She no longer works with my husband she was transfered. Ironacally my husbands cousin works with her now and they are dating. I don’t understand why someone would go out of there way to hurt someone like she did. either way I am trying to forgive her for my own sanity. It’s not working well.
6 January 2010 at 9:23 pm
Just Breath
My attitude at the moment is i hope Karma catchs up with such people. People who have done less can get charged or go to jail. For example if someone steals a loaf of bread they can get charged by the police and even though i’m not familar with that side of the law i imagine there can be nasty conciqueses as a result. But these women detroy families and cause so much pain and they are left to walk around like nothing is happening. Meanwhile the couple are tearing themselves apart. I say put them all on an island and let them all destroy each other. Maybe is would make a good reality tv show..Homewrecker Survior !
7 January 2010 at 4:36 pm
Trying to move on
I must agree with you, Just Breath as I too am a strong believer in karma.I try not to wish bad things on people but it is so hard not to want these woman to get what is coming to them. Maybe the fact that they will never be really happy with themselves is the only punishment they will get. If they were well adjusted individuals they wouldn’t try to wreck other people’s lives. They would also realize that if they were to succeed in their mission the man who left their wife for them would eventually leave them for someone else as well. There is no way the woman who tried to seduce my husband will ever be happy. Eventually peoples actions catch up with them.
11 January 2010 at 4:33 am
Just Breath
“well adjusted individuals” you hit the nail on the head. These people are not well adjusted nor are they ever truely happy…infact i believe that they are probably quite lonely within themselves and feed of the challenge or even feed off the rejection to feel like a victim. Do things ever end up balancing themselves out ? Does Karma really provail ? My partner tells me not to concern myself with what this women says or thinks. I wish i was that detached. I know i’m a sensitive person and damn it (excuse my language) it does hurt when some mole accuses me of causing trouble for my partner over his friendship with her !! She doesnt even know me. A homewrecker accusing me of being a problem !! well what did she expect?? for me to roll out the red carpet ? Its really disgusting. Part of me wants to confront her…even out in public to expose what shes really about…name and shame… but i’ve never been that way my whole life so i dont want to lower myself but some how i think i might get satisfaction out of it. Has anyone tried this ? Apparently she has a picture of me and my partner in a photo frame in her house !! thats totally weird. Freaks me out.
11 January 2010 at 6:36 am
brenda
Just trying to move on: this is for you…Ask your husband to look at this person as someone trying to harm his family. Would he not protect you from a charging lion? She is the same. These other women cause immense emotional destruction to everyone in the family. How could they have fond feelings for someone who wants to hurt the family? How can she say she has feelings for him and still pursue knowing it will hurt the people closest to him? Things are not being thought out.
Brenda
11 January 2010 at 8:04 pm
Trying to move on
Brenda, what you said is exactly why everything hurt so much. My husband doesn’t have feelings for her any more. I have asked my husband how he could have had feelings for someone who tried to hurt us so badly. And the answer…. I don’t think he quite understood himself. But from what I gather she just kept trying and trying and trying for about nine months and it boosted his ego. And as far as her feelings for him, she didn’t care that he has a wife and child. She actually told him once that my feelings were irrelevant. I think she is just selfish and doesn’t care who she hurts as long as it isn’t her. My husband said he is not the only married man she has gone after.
Just breath I don’t think you should confront your boyfriends friend. I know how you feel. I actually once had the option to confront my homewrecker and it took everything I had not to. Let me tell you why. She’s not worth it! She would love for you to confront her. These woman thrive on our reactions to them, don’t give her the satisfaction. Hold your head up high knowing you have so much more class than she ever will.
11 January 2010 at 8:43 pm
Just Breath
Thanks for your words Trying. It is taking all that i’ve got. You are absolutely right about that. This afternoon i recieved a txt message to my mobile from her. Saying that i have no right stopping Brad ( my partner) from having friends in his life.blah blah blah… that i’m causing stress blah blah and what i’m doing is not natural. Then she asks what is my problem ? Is this women insane or what ? She interprets me having a problem that shes a homewrecker as “i’ve got a problem with him having friends” is it just me or is this the ulitmate fruit cake !!!!!!!!!! I’m off to see a counsellor.. this is too much.
12 January 2010 at 6:19 am
brenda
Dear Just Breath,
My friend read a book called “not just friends” Pick it up. It helped her a lot and I have started to read it too.
The other woman does sound unstable, so do not put yourself in harms way. You can probably find a way to block her text or (better yet) change your number and his.
Brenda
12 January 2010 at 9:23 pm
Just Breath
Hi Brenda, thanks for comments. Do you know the name of the book’s author ?
JB
13 January 2010 at 12:08 pm
brenda
It is Shiley Glass.
13 January 2010 at 12:09 pm
brenda
Sorry That is SHIRLEY Glass
14 January 2010 at 10:33 pm
Just Breath
thanks for that. Im curious to read what it has to say. I”m not sure its going to be enough for me as i discovered today that this homewrecker friend of my bf who currently lives miles away in Penrith (sydney) is wanting to ditch her teenage son to her husband and move to my suburb !! i said if she moves here i’ll put posts of her in the area with her photo and big sign saying homewrecker BEWARE …would you say she’s turning into a stalker to be near my bf ? This is getting too crazy for me.
17 January 2010 at 8:27 am
Rich
My stepmother Marne was a homewrecker from way back. She broke up our home 50 years ago inflicting years of pain and suffering to our family. Back in the day, women were told to endure cheating husbands but my mother, rest her soul, was a strong, modern woman who stood up for herself. She paid a dear price to retain her dignity, I chronicled her struggle in a “memorial” to my cheating father in the associated website. Some have criticized me for trashing my narcissistic father in his death and his sociopathic wife (who survives) but I say, these memories are his legacy. He earned it. It’s a tribute to my mother Fern, an honorable woman who is missed dearly by her children.
19 January 2010 at 2:52 am
Brenda
Rich,
I would love to read what you wrote (if not too personal) . Where would I find it? You are obviously a son who was taught about empathy.
Brenda
21 January 2010 at 2:37 am
Jen
I don’t know if the concept of homewrecker makes much sense to me. A spouse/partner isn’t a loaf of bread you can steal, they have free will and they’re the ones who made the commitment and are ought to keep it.
My dad cheated on my mom and they eventually got a divorce, not once I, or she, thought about blaming the other woman for this. A marriage is a contract between two people and it’s not anybody else’s duty to keep the spouse’s vows for them.
I also think there is a little bit of a sexist double standard playing a role here; I don’t hear very often of “the other man” being blamed. It’s like women are seen as supposed to be sexual and morals gatekeepers of every gender relation that goes on and men as somewhat sexually weak and always “ready for it”. This is not only not accurate, but it’s also a very patriarchal notion.
Of course it’s easier to blame the stranger and not the one you love and have been betrayed by, but it doesn’t make any logical sense and it sure won’t help fixing the underlying problems that your relationship has.
21 January 2010 at 12:08 pm
Brenda
Jen,
I think we all know that both parties are to be blamed. You are right about not focussing on the other woman but the stories above reflects some aggressive behavior on the other womans part. Eventually, if you want the relationship to work, you have to concentrate on your marraige partner so issues can be resolved so this behavior does not repeat itself. To do that the other person needs to step back and stay out of the life of the person she was involved with and that includes rthe wife or any other significant others. The negative feelings toward the other woman/man are just not worth your energy because she or he is not worth the energy it takes to think about them.
Brenda
21 January 2010 at 12:14 pm
Van
Some pretty good perspectives exchanged here. Thanks. Looks like it’s time for me to write “Home Wreckers 2″, eh?
22 January 2010 at 5:57 am
trying to move on
This is to Jen. Yes, I can see what you are saying the men are to blame as well. However, in my case my husband didn’t even actually cheat. When my husband told this woman no she still pushed and pushed and pushed trying to get him to cheat and leave me for her. There is a big difference between another woman and a “Homewrecker”
22 January 2010 at 9:23 am
Jen
Brenda,
I didn’t say that I think both parties are to be blamed, I believe only one is: the one who cheated, who had a commitment and broke it.
Not only I think people your spouse/partner has cheated with are not worth your energy, but are also not to be blamed by you, as (unless we’re talking about friends) they owed you nothing.
Trying to move on,
I don’t know if I would call that an homwrecker as (luckily) nothing has been wrecked, but more like downright weird an harassing. It would have been an equally stalker-like and annoying behaviour if your husband was single.
22 January 2010 at 10:42 am
Maggie
I think any woman who attempts to trespass on another woman’s marriage ought to be outed. True, they have no shame but maybe that is because they are allowed to slink about in the shadows. People should know what they are trying to do. Anyone being trespassed upon needs to take control of the situation. Why would anyone talk to or allow any communication from the homewrecker? Block them from your phone and email. If they persist, get an attorney to write a cease adn desist letter. Get a restraining order. You have to play hardball with these creeps.
I don’t mean to be insulting, but Jen sounds like she’s defending the homewreckers and that really is inappropriate on this site. I’m sure there is a site where all the homewreckers can get together and gloat and I’m thinking that would be more suitable for her.
22 January 2010 at 12:22 pm
Jen
Maggie, dear,
I have nothing to gloat about. As I’ve said before I wasn’t speaking from any kind of direct experience.
I was making a logical argument, which is something you failed to do. On the other hand, you came off as quite aggressive and insulting.
I reject the notion of a spouse/parter as property and of marriage as something to be held as more than a private contract between two parties. I believe that those parties are the only ones responsible for keeping the terms of the contract.
I could elaborate on that, both from a legal and a philosophical perspective, but I doubt you’d understand.
Plus, I find your desire to out people slightly reminiscent of an institutional shame society and I wonder if Ancient Greece and American suburbs are really that different…
That said, of course if someone is expressing an harassing and stalkerish behaviour they are to be reported, but equally so if the victim is married, single or living in a commune in Berkely.
Peace.
23 January 2010 at 10:26 am
Brenda
Jen,
I think the only difference between someone who is stalking/outwardly harassing someone and the other woman/other man is that the one harassing is doing it in the open, The other woman/other man is doing it secretly.
Brenda
23 January 2010 at 5:53 pm
Trying to move on
Even though my husband never physically cheated I would still define the woman I am speaking of as a homewrecker. I say this because she knew my husband was married. I’ve heard from outside sources that she has gone after married men in the past. As much as I would like to only blame her for what went on I am aware my husband found her behaver flattering. He flirted back with her to a certain point, but would not let it go any further. She however, kept persisting that it should. Again, I know my husband lead her on to an extent, and believe me we’ve had our share of arguments about that. But SHE started going after him knowing he was married. She saw him, liked him, then tried to seduce him (she practically threw herself at him). She did all these things knowing he had a wife and daughter. I’m not saying there wasn’t underlining problems in our relationship. Our daughter was just a baby and we were adjusting to parenthood, she picked up on that and went with it. And I think it takes a real sick person to try come between a man and his wife at such a delicate time.
24 January 2010 at 5:14 pm
Maggie
Well, Jen, sweetie, if you aren’t a home wrecker nor wife who has had to deal with a home wrecker, why are you here? Just practicing your ’60 philosophy? If you have no experience to offer, only some nihilist ramblings about marital rights and obligations being passe and unsupportable, why don’t you find a pertinent site where your belief that no one in society owes anyone common human decency is under discussion by the great unwashed. This is commentary about an article entitled “Home Wreckers”, not “Why Morality Doesn’t Matter in the Modern World of Jen”.
24 January 2010 at 6:07 pm
Jen
Maggie,
It’s not about morality, it’s about logics.
Different people have different sets of morals, but logics are objective.
Marital (or relationship, same thing, remember that not everyone can get married)obligations are completely meaningful for the two people who made the commitment, they are to stay faithful, hence people coming on to them are a non-issue. And if they do cheat, the breaking of the “home” it’s on them, not whomever they cheated with.
Again, if you look at it logically, and not emotionally, that’s the only conclusion that makes sense. But the only thing you seem to do is insult others, without making any actual arguments.
The only experience I have with this is my parent’s divorce and never once though about blaming the person who was not in the marriage for the ending of it. Nor did my mum.
Practising 60s philosophy? Well, you bet I am, and so should you; that philosophy is the reason why you can get an education and have a career.
And dear, thanks to the great democratic medium the internet is, I’m afraid everyone can actually post comments on webpages, regardless of credentials.
24 January 2010 at 7:21 pm
Trying to move on
Jen, You have a lot of logical arguments, yes, however, you’re not understanding feelings aren’t logical, they’re feelings. The woman who tried to seduce my husband enjoyed the fact she would be hurting his wife (me) in the process. There are woman out there who seek out married men for the sport of it. Do these women owe the wives anything, no. Nobody owes any one anything, really. All we are saying is these woman lack kindness when it comes to respecting other people feelings. As a result, we were hurt by their actions.
25 January 2010 at 1:52 am
Jen
Trying,
I understand that, it can be that these people are not the most sympathetic of the bunch, I still think the term homewrecker is non-nonsensical. A**hole would be more descriptive of the character, if you’re talking about folks stalking attached people for a sport.
Plus, I don’t really understand how the failed attempt to seduce one’s partner is so disruptive, aside from the stalking itself.
What I have a problem with is the use of the term in popular culture, which usually describes (only) women who are dating married men, not men who do the same.
Aside from the fact that I think only the people in the “home” have the power to break it, I find the reasoning behind it to be highly patriarchal.
The old Victorian idea that one woman should be the guardian of any other woman’s relationship is just an insulting reassessing of the old double standard about women’s place in society as the keepers of higher morals.
It also restates the stereotype by which women are ought to be sexual gatekeepers of every gender interaction that goes on and are to blamed for it’s outcome, much like when two people sleep together on a first date and only the female part is labelled a “slut” for it.
That’s why I hate the word and the philosophy behind it.
25 January 2010 at 5:09 am
Trying to move on
Jen, If someone sets out to wreck a home (regardless of their sex) I would call them a homewrecker. I actually think they find it a term of endearment. I understand my home was not wrecked I just felt disrespected on a level that I could never explain. Everyone has a different set of morals yes, but one set of morals should not interfere with someone else’s. That being said, a homewrecker’s does.
27 January 2010 at 12:04 pm
carolyn
Maggie and Move On,
Jen clearly has the credentials to post on a website devoted to HOME WRECKERS because she clearly is one … or tried to be and failed bitterly.
27 January 2010 at 12:53 pm
Jen
Ok, dude,
I’m 19…if I had been somebody’s mistress, there would be much more than the ethics of cheating to worry about.
I simply stumbled upon this this site and analysed the matter logically and from a feminist perspective.
The simple fact that your only comeback consist in a transversal insult, instead of an actual argument, kind of proves my point.
Trying to move on,
I’m sorry about what happened to you. If someone I loved, especially romantically, was stalked, I’d be upset too. But you definitely can’t deny that the term “homewreck” is used almost exclusively to describe women.
Plus if someone goes after an attached person, they cannot possibly succeed in “wrecking the home”, unless one of the parties “inside the home” is actively involved.
They are either unsuccessful and thus not “homewreckers” or successful and in that case the person who gets the title of homewrecker is the one who cheated, since the people in the relationship are those who are responsible for staying faithful.
This is why I think the term doesn’t make any sense.
As far as morals goes, the simple fact that morals differ is going to have them interfering with each other.
Think about it, pretty much everything most people do with their lives upsets the morals of religious fundamentalists.
27 January 2010 at 2:44 pm
carolyn
Dude? 19? Jen, now you’re making sense to the rest of us. Go back to watching cartoons. Leave the big girls alone.
27 January 2010 at 5:55 pm
Trying to move on
Jen, yes, it usually describes woman. I don’t think anyone should try to start a relationship with anyone who is involved regardless of their sex. You said in one of your earlier statements that they’re not the most “sympathetic bunch” neither are sociopaths.
27 January 2010 at 6:34 pm
Heartbroken
Jen,
I understand that you are trying to make sense of the term “home wrecker”, as you said in your first post. Yes, the husband should be blamed for cheating, but so should the other party as well. If a person in their right, stable, sane mind knew that the man they were interested in is married, then they should leave him alone! If I saw a man with a ring, and he tried to pick me up, I would think that he was such a sleeze ball! If he was a good looking married man, I would say “too bad he’s married”; then, I would leave it at that…nothing more. Why would I not approach the married good looking man? Because he’s MARRIED and has obligations at home!!!!
I understand that you and your mother did not blame the other woman for your father leaving you guys, but maybe you both should seek some counseling…no offense. Right now, you may think you know it all about “home wreckers”, but you’re still too young. I think that if you want to stick to the philosophical ways in life, you should stick to college text books and focus on furthering your education. Obviously you “stumbled” upon this site for some reason. Maybe you’re sub-consciously hurting deep down because of what your father did to you and your mother. So, I think it’s best that you visit this site again when you’ve actually experienced life and marriage. Take care honey, and the best of luck in your future endeavors!!!
<3…Heartbroken
28 January 2010 at 2:43 pm
Really
Scumbag, slut and sperm dumpster are words that do not fully describe the homewrecker either so why get so bent out of shape? Society inflicted these ill words upon ill people that commit adultery…and why be so 60ish as to think that homewrecker only applies to women? No one here said it could apply to men.
If you had your driver’s license stolen, would you contact the Secretary of State and your banking insititution to avoid identity theft? A homewrecker steals the identity of a married couple & possible the assets as well. Married people that value their relationship also value the importance of the word & name. Your name is everything. Why should a homewrecker be allowed to steal your identity?
If a Marriage License was not needed for a couple to merge as one – be it assets, names or children, then local states would not not need a public decorum to officiate such a union…and anyone with a half ass relationship would consider themselves as being married.
28 January 2010 at 2:45 pm
Really
sorry for the multiple grammar and spelling errors.
“No one here said the term “homewrecker” could not apply to men”
28 January 2010 at 5:32 pm
Jen
“No one here said the term “homewrecker” could not apply to men”
Actually, you sort of did. Spermdumpster?
It’s not that it CAN’T apply, it’s that it’s almost exclusively used to refer to women, whom are always the one society blames the most, either if they are the ones cheating or the ones someone else is cheating with.
Plus, I don’t understand why I should respect marriage over relationships, when I find the institution culturally sexist and substantially discriminatory. If you want to get married, go ahead, but don’t expect people to see your marriage as worth more than other relationships.
The situation you’re describing, the one where marriage is protected as a contract under the law from third parties, did indeed exist, at least in Europe. Divorce was illegal then and adultery was a crime. Nice times.
The difference between your husband and your driving license though, is that your license can’t actually go with someone else by its own will.
Heartbroken,
Thanks for the condescending tone, that’s always pleasant.
Suggesting that I get counselling because I don’t harbour irrational rage towards a complete stranger would have Freud rolling in his grave. It’s called deflecting and it’s not a good thing.
By the way, my dad didn’t abandon me anymore than I abandoned my parents when I left for college. People can love each other and be there for each other also when they stop living under the same roof. Of course, some don’t and that’s on them, but there are also some left behind spouses who use children to recriminate and it’s equally bad.
I’ve explained why I disagree with you on the other (wo)man being equally responsible as the cheater, and that’s ok, it’s fine to disagree, but try not to be so awfully condescending.
I ended up on this site because I was reading something about uniforms, btw, my winy subconscious had little to do with it and yes, I don’t have direct experience with this, but I could similarly argue that your emotive experience makes your judgement on the matter clouded.
29 January 2010 at 12:07 pm
Really
Jen, a sperm dumpster would not apply to men, they are not receivers. Only homewreckers are…I still disagree with your opinion because if homewreckers continue to stay in a relationship they are nothing more than accomplices and should be blamed for their half of the affair (afterall its only fair).
Sorry my dear, your view point of a Marriage License is incorrect in most states: the couples join together not just in assets but other perceived ownership/heirship. Yes, its no suprise that European law influenced American law – so what?
True an unmarried relationship could have the same committment as a married relationship and to that I say: to each its own.
Women and men that involved themselves in adulterous affairs are wasting time and time is too precious. Afterall no relationship is worth having if it is in secret. Thus this proves the mental instability of someone willing to accept so little for so long, hoping for a different outcome but only experiencing exhausting and tormentuous heartache. If this is you Jen, get help & get out so that you can become a better you.
Part of being an alcoholic is admitting your problem; part of being a homewrecker is admitting your addition to screwed up people, that you believe you can fix but have no business interferring with in the first place.
Wake up smell the stink for what it is…if the man or woman can’t commit to their spouses, I’m willing to bet they won’t commit to their homewrecker either. The future is very bleak. However, Jen since you reminded me that this is America, then have the relationship your way & enjoy all the vacations, birthdays & holidays spent alone. Only don’t call it homewrecking we don’t want to offend people on the terminology. Call an aldulterous affair stupidity & sometimes you just can’t fix that! LOL!!!
29 January 2010 at 12:13 pm
Really
Sometimes people can be so PC on terminology that it itself is restricting others from expressing their beliefs. Jen you must not be big on labels yet you share an strong belief that the term homewreckers applies only to women (“by society”). Ahhh, Jen are you part of that “society” because I say that it applies to anyone involved in an adulturous affair. You say tomatoe, I say tomato & in the end its the same crappy individual who can’t restrain their own sexual desire for attached couples. What’s the difference?
29 January 2010 at 7:52 pm
Trying to move on
Homewreckers is a slang term for someone who sets out to ruin relationships. The term usually applies to woman. However, I would think a man who would do this to be equally as discusting. People who either like hurting others or just don’t care if they do. If someone is cheating on their significant other with someone who doesn’t know they are involved it’s one thing. But when one seeks out to destroy a relationship they are a homewrecker because they want to be. These people know what they are and are proud of it. Weather the term makes sense philosophically is irrelevant.
30 January 2010 at 8:59 am
Help
Hi,
I am getting called a home-wrecker but I have not done anything wrong at all. So this guy at work gives me the eye all the time and now he starting to complaint about his wife and how unhappy he is (not to me but to everyone else in the office).
Personally I stay away from those talks unless I have no room to run away. If I am told that you are unhappy and you ask for my advice I will tell you to get a divorce and stop complaining. I have not flirted with him, have not have any private personal conversations with him, I avoid any conversation regarding his wife, have not give him any advice.
I have never considered myself the kind of girl that goes out with someone that is taken. That is a big NO-NO in my life rules. But…. he is so damm cute. I feel as if he is doing it on purpose to get my attention and use it to his advantage. He pulls me and push me. Is like he is building this spider web around me and he knows what he is doing is wrong.
There is a lot of tension between us but like I said I have am a girl of PRINCIPLES. I want to leave my job but the current economic situation makes it very hard for someone to just leave. In the meantime he continues to play his games and somewhat I feel guilty for getting his attention in such a way. But I do not even dress inappropriately at work, I’m a very nice girl and I think that being a nice girl is the problem. I can be quite charming or adorable but is not like I mean to be like that to get his attention, I just happen to be raised to be like that. I don’t think I have done anything to cause the situation and I do not want to be hurt. Ive been hurt way to much for the past year and a half to get myself in another painful situation.
Help! Advice until I get another job!? But I am not going to lie im starting to fall for the idea at this point.
-Anonymous
30 January 2010 at 3:20 pm
Brenda
Keep your self respect. If your co-worker complains about his wife and family situation…walk away. He is only cute on the outside…..not the inside and that is what really counts.
30 January 2010 at 5:58 pm
Trying to move on
Help- I’m confused, you said he builds a spider web around you and he pulls you and pushes you what does that mean? You said you don’t flirt with him,does he he flirt with you? Aside from talking about how unhappy he is in his marriage around you for your bennifit what has he done to you feel that he’s interested? (I’m not saying he isn’t I just need more details to your situation)
30 January 2010 at 6:23 pm
Really
Anonymous,
I would contact the HR Director immediately and explain your situation. It will also send him a strong message that you are not playing the “game”. Time to get serious and take action. Wish you luck & good for you and your principles.
Imagine if the guy puts his poor wife through this what will he put you through. A relationship in secret, is a relationship not worth having…Good luck to you.
Cute…the guy is an utter maggot to put his family through crap. Look in the inside…and deary no one on this green earth has any right to push you call the cops and send the message to the maggot to stay out of your life! The grass isn’t greener with a scumbag; its a bumpy, roller coaster and you don’t need the head trip.
30 January 2010 at 6:29 pm
Trying to move on
Help- Regardless, I hold the same principles you do about not going after married men. What I would do in your situation is when he complains about his unhappiness in his marriage say to him “then why don’t you talk to your wife about that instead of everyone at the office.” Leave it at that and walk away. As unhappy as he may be, his wife may think everything is fine and not even know that there is a problem. So don’t be so quick to think she’s as horrible as he’s making her out to be. There are two sides to every story. If he is willing to cheat on her with you he would be willing to cheat on you with someone if things got serious. Remember all relationships have ups and downs. Some men are willing to cheat during a rough periods in their marriage but the bottom line is they made a commitment to their wife and if they’re not happy they need to either work things out or call it quits. But they shouldn’t be trying to start a new relationship until they have ended their marriage. There are other cute guys out there who are single.
30 January 2010 at 6:39 pm
Really
I was thinking about Nancy Carrigan (sp?) and Tanya Harding today – How Tanya had hopes of stripping the skating title away from Nancy by cutting her off at the knees (both physically & literally); then I thought about Jen. You see Jen, homewreckers try to steel the identity and hardwork of a spouse (be it male or female). “Homewreckers” want the title of being the little Mrs. or Mr. without the effort. That is homewrecking. Apparently you haven’t been around divorce court when the Courts grant one custodial parent over the other, when homes are either foreclosed or divided, neighbors are emptied from caring individuals or when in-laws are dismembered by the tear in their family and left devastated. If that doesn’t fit the term “homewrecking” than I don’t know what would.
Like Erin Bracovich (sp?) said “its personal when it comes to my family”.
Don’t care about the label or not, couldn’t give a damn about society; gloves are on!!!!
I believe if “homewreckers” are so afraid of society’s label then they shouldn’t be having an affair in the first place. I use to have a boyfriend in high school who smoked pot, he told me not to tell anyone – I said why?…if you know its wrong and don’t want me to say anything then why are you doing it, its illegal Dah! Show some control – we are not animals. We are given mind, body & spirit. Use the brain.
I say “homewreckers” earned the label, let them wear it loud and proud. Bring on the “S” Red Scarlet letter.
1 February 2010 at 3:47 pm
Help
Thank you so much for the advice. I am not comfortable giving out too many details because of obvious reasons. The first one is that this is an open forum but take my word for it I am 100% sure because some of his actions. For ex. there’s been 2 occasions where he have actually grab me by the waist. He does a lot of subtle things. How can I complaint to HR when he have actually done nothing wrong? Okay so the grabbing of the waist for example, I could have move if he said “excuse me can I pass by?”. So if I go to HR what they are going to say is “well we can’t do nothing, that’s not sexual harassment” and that will make work-life extremely uncomfortable.
So what I’ve been doing is avoiding conversations that are not work related, avoiding eye-contact, avoiding people that gossip about his personal matters. He knows what type of conversation triggers me happy and the things that interest me and that’s how I fall into the whole game. Once I am hooked on the conversation, thats when the naughty looks start and I am not going to lie, I kinda like the way he looks at me. Sometimes I just leave sometimes I just stay and wonder if he will stop and remember he’s got a wife (sometimes he do).
Some people have already noticed the “sexual” tension. I don’t know if it is him telling people or what but is def. not me. I have completely outcasted myself from everyone because I can’t deal with my own principles and what my body wants. This is bothering so much I am having issues sleeping and eating and I am looking for a job non stop! This economy sucks! I need advice on how to like stay away. I personally agree he probably have a very sweet wife that doesn’t know what scumbag he is… yet Im totally falling flat here and I am dead scare of being alone with him because I know it will not end good for nobody, including me.
1 February 2010 at 6:09 pm
Trying to move on
Be strong. You have a conscience I can tell, listen to it. Is there a way you could change your schedule or transfer so you don’t have to work directly with him any more? I know you said you can’t go to HR but you should. Anything that makes you uncomfortable is sexual harrassment. Maybe they can give him a warning telling him to stop doing what ever it is he is doing. They also could warn him not to talk about anything regarding the whole situation, including the HR visit.
It sounds like you have a little crush on him too. It’s only normal to be a little flatterd when someone finds you attractive. But you shouldn’t let things get out of control. Aside from the fact you would be hurting his wife and children (if he has any) you are setting yourself up to getting hurt as well. These things never end well for the other woman.
2 February 2010 at 1:03 pm
Really
Document day & time; followed by statement “he grab me by the waist” that’s enough right there for HR to consider it sexual harrassment, any type of grabbing without your permission is not tolerated.
You have a legitimate concern and most HR Dept. executives will validate by documenting the situation and demanding a remedial cause of action for the employee committing the infraction or the company is obligated to fire the employee else risk civil lawsuits. No company wants to be held liable – so take it from me they will act upon your concern.
Lawyers go for deep pockets which makes coporation responsible for the conduct of the employee (thus policy manuals on the subject matter of sexual harrassment).
Document, document, document!
If you don’t its because you are enabling this SOB to do to you and others as well!
3 February 2010 at 7:09 am
Really
Another thing homewreckers should consider when having an affair with a married man is you will never be his priority. He will con his way out of making a commitment even to you, he will make up all kind of excuses as to why he can’t attend important functions with you and why?…..
Because he is where he wants to be and its not with you – you are there while he plays little adorable family man. Why any woman would accept not being a priority, being forgotten as soon as he zips up his pants and not being treated with any respect is beyond me. That is why I said its mentally unstable to want to be with a cheating man or woman.
No wife can shackle a man, most men are not held at gunpoint to make them stay, the cheater stays in the marriage out of his own free will. Homewreckers are accomplices to cheating men. Cheating men are not going to get out of their married relationship to start one with a homewrecker, they are affraid to commit to their wives so you can expect the same character flaw to continue with the homewrecker.
6 February 2010 at 10:18 am
Suzanne
I am 37 and yet I agree with Jen – I think her age is irrelevant and frankly she is the only logical person on this site; everybody else is speaking from a place of pain, which rather clouds one’s logic. I frankly feel that if a man can be ‘stolen’ (an obscene idea, since men are not objects) then he was not truly ‘yours’ in the first place, except legally. Who on earth would want a husband who was only bound to her legally?? If my husband was in love with someone else and not me I’d rather he go on his way and be happy. I would never use legal chains to bind someone. Having said all that, what I do think is wrong is when the men are deceiving the wives. I.e. if a man is married and he falls for another woman, he should have the guts to leave. And yes, it is him breaking the vows, it is not the fault of the other woman. Also, affairs are not always intentional. There are definitely some women who get off on purposely chasing after married men but in many cases it is an accident – accidental eye contact etc and people fall in love. I do not think the man has the right to lie to the wife but I also don’t think the wife has a right to demand a man stays if he isn’t happy in the marriage. Why is the wife’s happiness more important than the husband’s? I have to say I think it’s different when there are kids in the mix, but if there aren’t, it might just be he married the wrong woman in the first place and if there are no children, why shouldn’t he leave? It is not always as sinister as this site is making out.
6 February 2010 at 3:34 pm
maggie
Ah, Suzanne. Here comes another homewrecker with all her excuses lined up and ready to go. Women who get involved with married men are nothing more than fools and sluts. It is always intentional. You see something you want and you don’t care who you hurt or what lives you wreck. It’s despicable and low life and absolutely inexcusable. Marriage is a commitment, a life that goes up and down, but there is something there you homewreckers will never understand between the husband and the wife. You are the outsiders and the interlopers and the scum of the earth.
8 February 2010 at 1:00 pm
susan
My husband was the best of the best. Mild mannered, loving, sweet, caring. He suffered from bouts of depression that were disabling at times. Throughout our 16 year marriage and 4 children- I supported him through those tough times, and he supported me through the loss of two stillborn babies. Unfortunately, he has a family history of bipolar disorder, and when he started to show signs of mania, I was pregnant with our fourth child and on bed rest. I told him to tell his therapist my concerns, but no one took me seriously. Bipolars can get hypersexual, and often light a match to their marriages while in a manic phase. We were high school sweethearts and deeply in love. Unfortunately, a new woman- a predator started to work with him. She analyzed his weaknesses and preyed on him. In his state of mind he was an easy target. She new very well that he had three kids and another on the way. The affair lasted a whole year. He eventually came out of his manic phase, but did not know what to do with this woman and her threats to tell me and get him fired. Now he is a pathetic and broken man . He is full of regret. She was the classic 34 yrs old, no kids, doesn’t like or want kids, separated from her current husband. My husband later found out the reason she was separated was because she had cheated on her husband with yet another married man at her prior employment.
Make no mistake- these women are horrible, horrible, people with no sense of decency or morality. I find it utterly repulsive that any woman would want to be with a married man- ESPECIALLY one with kids.
My husband is now being treated and on the proper medication. I KNOW that had he not met such a vile and contemptable slut while he was sick- he would not have cheated. People like her should be procecuted for such immoral behavior. My life and my kids lives and my husband’s life will forever be marred by this period in our life. She continues to play the victim- used by a married man for sex. I understand that my husband is somewhat of a special case in that he has a diagnosed medical condition that caused him to act so foolishly- he was basicly out of his mind. But these sociopath women have definite issues that are too creepy and sordid for the average person to understand.
my husbands homewrecker said all the same things that the classic homewrecker does to justify their wretched behavior. He must be unhappy, we just met later in life, his marriage to her was a mistake. But she also wouldn’t let him go- never gave him time to pull back- every time he did she threatened. THAT is also classic homewrecker behavior- because they know that if a man was given time to think- to choose- the homewrecker would not win. By the way my homewrecker also threatened him with suicide and a feigned pregnancy. How about that! The whole time no one in her family or any of her friends knew her horrible crimes! They still don’t know. And she still harrasses my husband and my family.
To all the homewreckers out there- if you have to hide your relationship, then you are doing something wrong! P.S.ALL of you homewreckers are somewhere on the psycho/sociopath spectrum. There are no exceptions!
8 February 2010 at 4:46 pm
Trying to move on
Susan, I’m so sorry for what you are going through. This woman sounds like the woman who tried to break up me and my husband. They have no remorse for their actions. Karma will catch up with her. I hope you and your husband can move forward in your marriage and you can find some peace.
8 February 2010 at 5:16 pm
Virginia
Was doing a research and ended up here, odd.
I’m sorry about your struggle, Susan, but manic episodes cannot possibly last a year, not even hypomania does.
Plus, sociopaths, and even more so psychopaths, are very very rare. The terms are often used to describe selfish people, but these conditions are something entirely different. It’s statistically impossible for everyone involved with a married parson to be gravely mentally ill.
On a different note, Jen was partially right,there’s a lot of deflection and denial going on here. Good luck though.
9 February 2010 at 2:39 am
susan
i know that manic episodes do not last one year. it was his mania that caused him to make his initial bad choice to succumb to her. The rest of his actions were due to character and personality flaws. He is easily swayed by outside people and their opinions of him. As his depression would come and go over the years, I saw his personality flaws come out more while he was stressed- but I never really knew him to be a selfish person, or hurtful. He was always a wonderful father. WAS. Make no mistake- there is something mentally and morally wrong with BOTH the homewrecker AND the person in the committed relationship. In my husbands case, it started with mental illness, but it was his lack of moral fiber, or maybe even a personality disorder that kept him going. Don’t all men who cheat on their wives have some sort of deficiency- a lack of moral fiber, a character flaw, some other kind of issues.
You know isn’t that the que for a homewrecker , find someone who will take them up on their pathetic offer – because either the man is just a creep, or the man is broken somehow either through depression/mania AND he has an underlying lack of moral fiber, or the marriage is under strain because of LIFE(children and responsibilities)AND ultimately once again a lack of moral fiber on the committed person’s part.
Virginia, I beg to differwith you on some of your comments. I never stated that these homewreckers are gravely mentally ill. These people know exactly what they are doing and are able to mingle with the rest of us in society despite the fact that they are morally bankrupt with at a MINIMUM a RECOGNIZABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Look them up. narcissistic, sociopath etc. Psycho is a term I used to echo the words of Van in her opening. Although I do wholeheartedly believe that these homewreckers ARE psycho- bitches. I felt I needed to define that more clearly. It is not fair to proclaim that it is ONLY the man who is morally corrupt and mentally deficient in some way. The homewrecker is at LEAST EQUALLY guilty.
I found this website, and wanted to share my story with other women who have had their hearts ripped out by a pathetic excuse for spouse AND I want some acknowledgement for the blame placed partly on the homewrecker who slinks in the shadows.
I am not trying to take blame away from my spouse- it takes two to tango, but that’s just it -TWO. Not just him – HER too. To all you people who defend these homewreckers- saying that they cannot “steal” a spouse- I agree, a man is not a loaf of bread. It takes two. But are you daring to say that these homewreckers have done nothing wrong! Aren’t they accountable! Shouldn’t they be ashamed! If not – then tell the world what you are doing!Tell people you are screwing a married man- stand up and be proud! show yourself and slink out of the shadows and say to your friends and co- workers and family “I am in a relationship with X , and he is married with 4 kids” Is that something to be proud of???? I guess if you are a homewrecker, you think it is- then don’t keep it a secret!
I am not trying to deflect, and I am sorry if my first post sounded that way. I don’t even want this one to sound that way. But quite frankly, I go to marriage counselling and I talk to MY HUSBAND about his part in this horrible affair . He hears it from me, friends, family- about all his horrible mistakes, his lack of morals etc. Where is my forum to expose the horrible homewreckers part in all this????? I sure don’t want to LOWER myself to calling her and giving her a piece of my mind- I just want her to leave my family alone. But she doesn’t. And she continues to lead her life uninterrupted by her actions. There are no family memebers or friends to call her out on her actions- they don’t know. and they most certainly don’t know that she is still shamelessly pursuing my husband and threatening his job , and his livelihood which he uses to support our KIDS!!! Make no mistake, I am well aware that he is the one who jeopardized his job and brought this unstable woman into our life- but isn’t it only fair that I have somewhere to go to vent my frustration with this horrible person and her actions?
I am not here to talk about my husband . I know he was a pig- as I stated before, any committed man/woman who engages in this sort of activity has definite character/mental issues – maybe one, probably both- but lack of moral fiber is definitely part of it. But what about that tramp??? She did nothing wrong- except love the wrong man?- NOW WHO IS IN DENIAL AND DEFLECTING!!
I have no doubt that both of them should be examining their actions and questioning their choices. Stunningly, the homewrecker is NOT doing that. Much like the homewreckers who have written on this site, she sees herself as some prize. She doesn’t recognize or acknowledge her faults. She thinks she was just so darn irresistable and , well if he fell for her”when their eyes met” , then its destiny. She thinks that he is the fool for staying in a marriage with me. I feel like I am the fool. I did nothing to deserve his maltreatment AND , YES- HER MALTREATMENT! Maybe I am a fool for sticking around and seeing if he can convince me that he is the man I met and fell in love with. I think I owe MY CHILDREN that much- just to give him a chance at redemption. I cannot and will not make any guarrantees- I am not locked into this marriage. He has an uphill battle with me- the trust is gone and alot of the love is gone. I am not some simpleton who had the wool pulled over my eyes for a year and then stayed for more. I am not in denial. The reality is, I knew about his depression, his poor judgement while depressed- never anything major- just giving up on life, wanting to quit his job, sensitive to others opinions- to an extreme. I knew about his family history of mania, I had seen small manic episodes before. I recognized when he was overtly manic- before the affair- but he was highly functional. He had just come off a year long depression- and I was just happy that he was enjoying life again. I was worried , but COMPLETELY incapacitated, on bedrest , with three kids at home , and he was travelling for business ALOT! I blame myself all the time for not insisting that he see the psychiatrist. I blame myself all the time for not seeing through his lies during the affair. But since when is it a crime to TRUST your husband of 16 years? I loved him and I KNEW he loved me- but something was off that year. Something was coming between us- SOMEONE-and he didn’t just place her there. She played a part in putting herself there. She was no innocent. I just thought he was under alot of stress and I was worried that he might be on the verge of another major depression- I asked him about it often.
Why is it that these homewreckers do not even try to see the lives they are destroying. The families. I am forever changed, I am broken, my husband is broken, our children can’t figure out what is going on. I am frightened for their future- and with all this – the economy has made it IMPOSSIBLE for my husband to find another job. So- we continue trying to pick up the pieces. and that woman continues to try to break us down. Fortunately , the company is so large he has only been forced to have work related email contact- forced by her. and she leaves threatening voicemails- threatening to expose the affair if he doesn’t call her. He doesn’t. She is just a woman in love right???
9 February 2010 at 5:26 am
carolyn
Contrary to baby Jen’s nonsense, there are some scholarly articles on Mate Poaching. Notable ones are by David Schmitt, Etienne LeBel, and a particularly good one by Jessica Parker and Melissa Burkley which was published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
The characteristics of women who mate poach are pretty much the same as those described by women who have been victimized by the sluts who prey on married men, only the language in scientific papers is, shall we say, less earthy but equally damning.
14 February 2010 at 3:16 pm
Suzanne
Of course ‘homewreckers’, as you call them, are ‘outsiders’, if not ‘interlopers’. You would have to be an outsider to this hideous society of human-ownership to even have the guts to argue against this crap. I am not a homewrecker; I have never slept with a married man. I have never even slept with a man with a girlfriend – but I have met men’s eyes when they gaze at mine. I don’t take it further – but I have to question why the blame would be on the woman, for receiving a gaze, and not on the man for giving it. I also have to question this idea that women who have never met should, especially, care for each other’s welfare. I don’t care about strange men’s welfare; why should I care about women’s? And did you ever stop to think WHY a partner might be ‘gazing’ around….perhaps he can’t look YOU in the eye. Yes, ‘homewreckers’ and ‘jerks’ are made for each other. If you hate your ‘jerk’ so much why don’t you leave him? As for the ‘thing’ between husbands and wives that I supposedly can’t understand, what makes you think I have never been married? Or, more pertinently, what makes you think I haven’t turned down marriages that were fundamentally inauthentic? Because believe me, if a marriage was authentic, and if a commitment had truly been made, there would be no cause for concern….Let’s face it, the battle between wives and supposed homewreckers is fundamentally a battle between two concepts of love – one societally conditioned and the other about free exchange of affection (and I am not talking about sex). It is also about two types of women – sluts (ha ha, yes, and we love it!) and professional wives.
15 February 2010 at 2:48 am
susan
Wow. At least you admit you are a slut. But I really can’t imagine why you would be proud of the fact. Also, I don’t understand why you would be proud of the fact that you are incapable or unwilling to show empathy for someone you have never met. I guess you don’t feel for anyone except your self. Do you care about any of the earthquake victims in Haiti? Do you care about children who are abused? Do you care about the homeless? Do you care about people who are dying of cancer? Do you care about an accident victim when you pass a crumpled car on the road? Do you care about the children in the families being torn apart by divorce? Where is your line? I guess the real question is not only why are you incable of feeling for people you don’t know, but why do you seem to hate people you don’t know? Why are you so quick to berrate wives whom you do not know as if they did something to you personally?
And your comment describing our “hideous society of human ownership” really speaks volumes. “Human ownership”- what planet are you from? Wow.-No man is a prisoner of his marriage- I don’t know where your delusions come from. He marries of his own free will, he cheats, of his own free will, he divorces of his own free will. The concept of a man being trapped in a marriage is one conjured up by cheating men so that they can continue to screw their homewreckers while they figure out what they want. It’s also what homewreckers tell themselves to justify their horrible behavior. You obviously have a problem with even the concept of marriage and I frankly cannot even wrap my head around what you are implying by calling women “professional wives”. Being a wife and mother is respectable and honorable, being a self proclaimed slut is – well- something entirely different. That being said,being in a marriage that is a joke is not honorable. Anyone who makes a mockery of their marriage and their vows needs to be truthful and get out. And guess what- these cheaters have 2 legs and a brain- if they wanted to go – they would . But they don’t – because they will try to get away with as much as they can for as long as they can. They are horrible and immoral- not trapped, not enslaved. And when they are forced to choose between the wife and the homewrecker- well he can and does choose whomever he really wants to be with. Only an idiot believes his excuses about – well, I stayed because of X, Y and Z. Bull! It is for both the wife and the homewrecker to decide how dishonest or truthful this obviously immoral and dishonorable man is being- and who he is lying to more, because he is lying to both the wife and the slut. Any woman who stays in such a marriage does so of her own free will and any homewrecker who stays with a man who is so obviously immoral is also doing so of her own free will. We live in a free country. We live our own life and in the end we are accountable to ourselves and to God. Some people don’t factor in the second part. That being said. Wow. I commend you for recognizing that a marriage to you would be inauthentic and I am applauding you for recognizing your inability for such a committment and sparing that poor man the heartache. I guess you are doing the “good part of society” a favor by leaving love to the “professionals” and continuing on your merry way with your “free exchange of love” and/or sex and hopefully mingling only with people in your “hideous society”.
15 February 2010 at 5:27 am
susan
And suzanne- It is really disturbing that you are proud to call yourself a slut and say you “love it”. Why would anyone want to embrace a label that describes a person with low self esteem, low standards, and sexually promiscuity. Isn’t that what sluts do- have sex without real love or committment. Why would you be proud of that. Even “bad girls” don’t like to be called sluts. It is baffling. And even sluts are capable of empathy and humility and compassion. Even sluts are capable of respecting marriage and the fact that maybe it is not for them- but does mean something to other people. You place yourself in a whole new category. You obviously do come from a position of never really knowing what true love is, what real self esteem is, what liking yourself and respecting your body is all about. Most women- even sluts, don’t like to think of themselves as sluts, and they don’t like if others think they are sluts.
15 February 2010 at 9:40 am
Suzanne
Susan,
As I said, I am not a home-wrecker and have never slept with a married man. Actually I have exceptional respect for my body, that is why I don’t sleep with ANYONE right now because I only sleep with men with whom I am in a relationship and I am not currently in one – by choice. I was only playing devil’s advocate about ideologies (i.e. the mother/whore dichotomy, ‘slut’ being a metaphor) because I felt that there were some black and white opinions on here, that Jen’s views were valid and relevant but being dismissed, and that sometimes in relationships there is a tendency to try to block affection between our partners and other people of the opposite gender out of the fear that it will escalate into, at least, an ‘emotional affair’ – which can tend to feel controlling if you are on the receiving end of it. I also made clear in my first post that I do care about people – particularly children in broken marriages. But anyway I am obviously upsetting people who already have reason to be upset and this issue is not close enough to my world to carry on debating it if it is upsetting people. I apologise for any offense and wish everyone all the best.
16 February 2010 at 6:46 am
susan
Wow. Way to back pedal. So let me get this straight. You are a self proclaimed slut, and you said you “loved ” being referred to as one – but now you say you were using the term metaphorically. I reread your post and just don’t see it. Nor do I see or even remotely see any explanation of a supposed mother/whore dichotomy.
In post #96,you defend Jen saying that men cannot be stolen because they are not objects, and then you complain about our society of human ownership in your second post#103. You then go on to state in your first post that these betrayed wives use “legal chains to bind” their cheating husbands. AnD you stated that it is wrong for a woman to DEMAND that a husband stay in a marriage he is not happy in. Right – it would be wrong , and no one can make you stay- no one can demand that of any man or any woman. Like I said- What planet are you from? You say men cannot be stolen like objects , yet they can be imprisoned by demanding wives?
And guess what , a man’s happiness is no more important than his wives. Did you ever think that a man cheating is just a way for a man to trick and fool his wife into continuing to have sex with him and take care of the house and the kids, while he indulges himself with another woman- who is the happy one in that situation? Whose happiness is being prioritized? PEOPLE cannot be forced to stay in a sham of a marriage, but I would contend that it is the wives who are tricked , and fooled into staying in a marriage that the husband is secretly not upholding. I ask again – who is the one being put upon, being tricked, and who is the happy one?
You showed your obvious lack of empathy for others when you VERY CLEARLY stated that you do not care about people for whom you do not know, then you picked through your first post trying to find some lame link that shows you are capable of empathy in situations involving kids in broken marriages. I still don’t see it- you only stated that if there were kids in the mix then maybe there was more reason for a man to stay in a marriage- THAT is NOT empathy.
You also state that you are not a homewrecker, yet you have an obvious disrespect for marriage, committment and what you call “professional wives”. Reread Van’s original post and realize that you may as well be a homewrecker. You are 37, you may or may not have kids, you are not a homewrecker. Yet you want everyone to believe that you just happened on a website dedicated to talking about homewreckers, and you just thought it would be good ,clean fun to taunt women whose lives have been crushed by infidelity by touting yourself as a slut(one with respect for her body?), and defending the homewreckers. Then you go on to berrate the women who have been cheated on as if they are prison guards, and have no value and nothing to offer. And you call them “professional wives”, defend the homewreckers as innocents who may or may not have intentionally looked for married men- But as you stated – these cheaters wouldn’t be “gazing” around if they could look their wife in the face. That sounds pretty hostile towards the wife.
And by the way, that dribble about emotional affairs was never mentioned in either of your 2 prior posts, and your 3rd post,which DID mention emotional affairs for some reason,didn’t even make any sense .
Your apology sounds pretty shallow since as you stated you are neither a homewrecker, a cheater, or a humiliated wife- yet you intentionally posted on this site to antagonize people who are so obviously in pain. We live in a free country though, and its good for everyone to see that it takes all kinds of people to make the world go around.
16 February 2010 at 11:54 am
Cathy
Hi Everyone,
I need some help. My husband cheated after 24 years of marraige with some women he met in a bar. He was always a good husband up till that point. Before the affair started he began to have difficulty at work (which was also new) and had a short temper which he never had before.Always employed, he was out of work for a year after he was fired. The drinking started around that time too. I honestly thought he was showing signs of early alzheimers as his Dad had it. We have 4 children and 2 are still at home. The cheating continued on for 1 1/2 years. I found out and he is making a sincere effort to restore the marraige and has not had contact with the other woman. He is going to counseling and now taking an antidepressant. He is acting like his normal self agaian.Is anyone out there who could tell me how to know when they are being sincere and regretful. With all the lies I was told I do not know what to believe anymore. Has anyone had success with staying in the marraige?
Thanks.
19 February 2010 at 11:26 am
susan
Cathy: I really feel for you. I am going through the same thing. See my earlier posts. I am still trying to figure out what I will do and IF I can ever really get over what happened. I have forgiven him for the most part- but, it is hard to get past the lies and the betrayal. I will pray for you and your children. Only you will know if he is being honest, and only you will know what love is left for him in your heart. For me, alot of the love for my husband and respect for him is gone. I don’t see him as my hero, protector, or champion anymore. A lot of our bond is gone. He says that he still feels it, and he says he loves me just as much as the day we were married. I do not feel the same way. I am trying to get over what he did, and reconnect with him and our love. It is an uphill battle for me. I am trying for our kids sake and for the sake of the love we once shared so deeply.
24 February 2010 at 8:06 pm
maggie
You have joined a club no one wants to belong to. You have two problems: trust is broken into pieces very hard to reassemble and the antidepressants get in the way. They all say the same thing. They all live in a fog and the antidepressants just fog them in more, making it easy for them to press on while you try to hang on to little hopes and dreams that probably won’t materialize for you. It is incredibly difficult to regain trust when you’ve been deceived. Your life is a mess of what you wanted in your marriage and the ugliness of what you’ve been given by his utter selfishness. It’s not easy. I wish you all the best. This is not going to be easy and probably not salvageable in the end. Been there, done that. Don’t settle. Make sure that life is what you want. He is the one who elected to break this marriage. It was his choice. Keep that in mind.
25 February 2010 at 6:13 am
Anon
“There are predatory women out there who see a man and a life style they want and set out to wreck some other woman’s marriage. These women are usually insufficient personalities, women who have no concern for other people and don’t know the meaning of appropriate boundaries. Generally speaking, they are the left overs of the world”
Well said Maggie! My sister is one such woman. It disgusts me! She’s currently screwing a married doctor. He has 3 little kids. From her teenage years to now, she’s always gone after married men (even her own sister’s husbands). She’s so sad. 44 years old, constantly exercising (hrs upon hrs per day), having many cosmetic procedures, and searching for her next victim. She can do this because she had actually married a much older guy and divorced him, taking 350k and one of his homes. She was having another affair at the time. Her pitiful life is a dating marathon. She seems to think if they’ll screw her on the first date they must think she’s really something. Recently, she talked about getting pregnant by the married doctor and either selling the baby or using it to get money from him.
2 March 2010 at 6:10 am
Really
Well said Maggie and Susan! A woman that opines or advocates for married men to non chalantly end their relationship based on lust have serious mental disorders. While its difficult to assess their individual disorders through the internet; they are classic excuses of why that themselves (being the homewrecker) would accpet so little.
Days go by and homewreckers are left to fantasize about a “full-time” man that is out of reach and out of touch.
Cheating men will never treat you his mistress as a “priority”. They haven’t earned it!
2 March 2010 at 6:33 am
Annah
So much blame put on the accessory of the betrayal, so little on the betrayer himself. How sad..
2 March 2010 at 6:39 am
Really
Sorry for my last post…I was reading and typing at the same time and I am no literary scholar.
I have some general concerns about Suzanne/Jen’s post. They are:
1. You mentioned that a man should have the guts to leave his wife if he is in love with someone else. I agree with having the guts to leave but I doubt the love part. Love is not a feeling its an action and since his feelings have been objectified through lust, I doubt its “love” or that the cheater has the capability of understanding “love”. So to the cheater I say, if you doubt your love for your wife – Fine, leave but don’t be with another person until you have the time to sort out why and what you left behind. If you can live with that and are healed from your past then move on but to leave for someone else is WRONG.
If all your having is sex with no commitment, than by definition that is NOT LOVE.
It is easy to leave the commitment of children, wife, bills, job and go to an irresponsible place in the mind; especially if mate poachers are willing to accept the cheater’s lack of responsibilities and commitment.
2. Homewreckers accuse the married wife of treating their spouse as objects when in fact, the cheater has objectified the homewrecker through the dishonest pursuit and chase game. Homewreckers are also guilty of objectifying the married man by making him a “PRIZE”. A feather in their cap, the end game that is won by no one. The jerk gets a bigger ego and the hurting women become permanent rivals so to the homewrecker, I say this…don’t play his game. If you honestly love him ( that means will stay with him when his hair falls out, when his gut protrudes from the couch so far that you can’t watch your favority t.v. program, or when his morning breath knocks you out and makes you run for your favorite chore) then “yes” by all means… this is the man you want…do yourself a favor and wait until he is unattached and is mentally all together…beware if you hold your breath and wait for the last part to be true you might suffer from self suffocation. History proves he is incapable of staying committed to you or anyone else.
9 times out of 10, the wife isn’t the bitch just a patient and giving woman. Don’t be hating.
3. To the spouse that was cheated on (and I am saying this from experience) concentrate on your healing. Homewreckers will not change until they want to or have the desire to see the full spectrum.
Also, mates are also selected based on promises of a future (what future can an already married partner offer?). It should never be about money but that special someone that will stay with you through sickness and health. The person that will dig through the trenches with you, face problems and challenges together and ultimately hold your hand in your old age as you take care of one another.
3 March 2010 at 1:22 pm
really
Susan,
The poster Suzanne cannot feel because of the narcism that exists inside her soul:
You were write when you wrote:
I guess you don’t feel for anyone except your self. Do you care about any of the earthquake victims in Haiti? Do you care about children who are abused? Do you care about the homeless? Do you care about people who are dying of cancer? Do you care about an accident victim when you pass a crumpled car on the road? Do you care about the children in the families being torn apart by divorce? Where is your line? I guess the real question is not only why are you incable of feeling for people you don’t know, but why do you seem to hate people you don’t know? Why are you so quick to berrate wives whom you do not know as if they did something to you personally?
And your comment describing our “hideous society of human ownership” really speaks volumes. “Human ownership”- what planet are you from?
3 March 2010 at 1:22 pm
really
Men aren’t held against their will when they choose to stay with their wife…they are there because they want to be. It is safe to them.
3 March 2010 at 1:25 pm
really
Also, the website for homewreckers is called “The Other Woman”; aka “TOW”…I think you are on the wrong forum Suzanne.
3 March 2010 at 2:52 pm
Annah
“The poster Suzanne cannot feel because of the narcism that exists inside her soul:
You were write when you wrote:”
The poster “really” cannot comprehend because of the elementary diploma that’s not hanging on her wall…
Sorry, couldn’t resist, nothing against hurt people venting, I just hate crusades and blinded judgements.
4 March 2010 at 5:03 am
Annah2
Sorry, couldn’t resist, nothing against hurt people venting, I just hate crusades and blinded judgements.
Anna hates blinded judgements except her own? She also makes baseless assumptions. Insert rolling eyes. Such a childish antic; is it any wonder why you can’t find a man of your own?
4 March 2010 at 5:45 am
Annah
Hey homonym,
who’s the one making assumptions now? I have a man on my own and no reason to be biased on the issue.
I just called things what they are; everyone reading this discussion can see a bunch of hurt women blaming an external party for the actions of their cheating partner. Of course she may carry some of the blame morally, but she’s definitely not the one who betrayed you.
It carries all the elements of a crusade: emotional motives, anger and an easy target. Oh, and appalling grammar too…
4 March 2010 at 7:07 am
Really
I understand Annah, though harsh, the advice given by me might be too difficult for a “homewrecker” to follow.
The instructions again were – “wait until he is unattached.” As elemantary as that may sound, there are some that are void of fundamental listening and reading comprehension skills. Of course, I’m not judging you.
I believe the cheating partner throughout this thread has been called a jerk, egomaniac with mental disorders but nothing can compare to the mate poaching, scourge of the earth that hijack other women’s home because of something as stupid as a starry-eyed glaze. How do you know that the insufferable, egomaniac jerk doesn’t suffer from allergies?
Pretty presumptuous of “homewreckers” to think that glaze is all about them. It’s pretty reckless to put yourself in a relationship as a third wheel when you know nothing about the wife and family. How inconsiderate? I don’t care how well you compose a post, your thought process pretty much amounts to shit for brains when you berate married women and hide behind a literary psychological paragraph of blah, blah, blah bullshit; while accusing others of being judgmental. Don’t you realize that you don’t even know the couple’s circumstances? That’s right I said “couple”, not some inept love triangle or re-run of “three’s company”. It is about TWO people and it irks me to no end, that “homewreckers” make it about them. They remind me of the scourge that are looting in Chile, as if it isn’t bad enough to have your home falling apart but now you have to deal with a looter.
I think it is safe for me to assume that your ex husband hasn’t cheated on you so GOD forbid you sympathize with the wife instead of the “homewrecker”.
Now, I too have given you the attention you so desparately seek – hope you had an orgasm from it but please don’t considerate my kind response to remotely resemble “LOVE”; as this will be my last comment to your cynical and distorted views. I’d throw you another crumb but I know how you “homewreckers” take it to mean a full three-course meal. Duh!
Regardless, you make big ASSumptions that these women who have cheating husbands aren’t aware of the lieing and egocentric character flaws…don’t come between a wife and their husband – it is their choice to work out their differences. While the cheater tells the mistress he is getting divorce, he is also at home kissing ass to stay in his nice safe environment. He doesn’t want to risk loosing it all – including his wife. Deal with it!
4 March 2010 at 9:01 am
Really
Maggie and Susan, I don’t know about you women, but I for one get tired of reading the perpetual whining from “homewreckers” about how they are unfairly judged.
If a prostitute complained about being arrested everytime she sold her body, I would logically say to her or him stop prostituting and you won’t be arrested.
If a “homewrecker” is worried about being judged and labeled a “homewrecker”; than my logical response to the homewrecker is stop sleeping with married women or men. I don’t feel that is being judgemental. I am honest and truthful about the subject matter because I live in reality land whereas “homewreckers” do not. Reality does not fit the homewrecker’s agenda. Homewreckers can’t accept reality because it does not support the ongoing fantasy that the cheater will leave the wife for the mistress and live happily ever after. Statistics prove that theory wrong.
A homewrecker may be a nice person but her act is immoral and society (including myself) will call them on it.
5 March 2010 at 5:52 pm
maggie
The topic is ‘homewreckers’. We’re talking about women who seek out and prey on married men. We are talking about women who are the aggressors against another woman’s family. Some of the highly defensive responses and aggressive comments against the wives seen here are representative of the mindset of homewreckers. We’re talking here about women who deliberately focus on a married man with the intention of poaching the man out of his marriage. Most of them fail. Most men who are the objects of a homewrecker’s attention may feel a bit flattered or obligated by workplace, but few of them actually get seriously involved. Homewreckers are the scum of the earth. They have no concern for other women or their families. They simply focus on getting a better lifestyle for themselves at the expense of some other woman. I find it despicable, as do most decent human beings. And I think these women should be outed and made to pay the public price.
6 March 2010 at 1:26 pm
Barbara is a selfish whore.
“Hi Barbara! You are a rare case when the relationship from an affair is successful. I’m glad things worked out for you and your husband.
Your step daughter has to take responsibility for her own life so please don’t weigh yourself down with blame. I’m sure there was much more involved in her pain than you. If she has cut communication with you, then so be it. You can still love her by allowing her to find her own way to happiness.
Do not feel bad for moving on with your life. May you find peace.”
What’s successful about DESTROYING an innocent girl’s life? I don’t think stupid Barbara and her weak, selfish husband have EVER made amends for all the damage they caused.
The daughter hates them? GOOD!!! That’s what THEY deserve.
The daughter made her call and good for her, she doesn’t owe these two dysfunctional, cruel, and selfish nobodies anything.
14 April 2010 at 2:02 pm
trying to move on
Karma’s a bitch
14 April 2010 at 8:26 pm
Twinsouls
Hello All,
First let me start by saying I do not emphasize with people who intentionally attempt to break up relationships, married or otherwise. I believe that people are inherently selfish, but through self-love, faith in a higher power, and a general consideration for the well being of others-we can overcome this human flaw.
If I offend anyone with my post, I truly apologize.
Suzanne stated:”I am 37 and yet I agree with Jen – I think her age is irrelevant and frankly she is the only logical person on this site;” I have to admit that agree with her assessment of Jen, and Jen herself. I really cannot believe how everyone on this site attacked her for stating a logical and very obvious fact. Before I got to Jen’s comment I was already thinking “what is wrong with this picture?” Why is everyone blaming the “homewrecker” (i.e. woman)? HOW come no one was even attempting to blame the person who made the commitment to them, and more than likely before God as well? But as I re-read the entire blog, I began to understand that the post was about women who prey on men, hence the subject was women! I think that Jen was just trying to make the argument about the usage of the term “homewrecker” and how it was generally only applied to women-despite the fact that technically it was the cheating partner (male or female) that wrecked their own home. Her argument was sound and very logical.
In my opinion, and it is only that, she was just trying to address the double standard in today’s sexist society, and even point out how even may of us women have internalized and accepted this sexism. We seem so accustomed to this idea of female homewrecker, that we have accepted the notion that she must be slut, whore, and inconsiderate bitch to have ever done a thing such as persue a married man. Perhaps there are some underlying psychological issues that led her to pursue potentially unavailable men. It has been shown that girls who are promiscuous at a young age, and continue this pattern into adulthood, have had abandonment and/or sexual abuse issues in their past. Could the same not be true for these women? Are we all to assume that they are all just purely evil or necessarily “inherently evil”? Could they suffer from the same internal/psychological affliction that drove the committed man to cheat?
Now I understand that this forum may not be the place for an intellectual debate about patriarchy in the 21st century, but she did raise some valid points-as did everyone else (minus those that resorted to the senseless name calling). It does take “two-to-tango” as was often stated by posters. However, I am not quite sure if the split is so black and white-if it is really fifty/fifty. I do believe that all parties should be held accountable for their actions. But I truly feel for the women (on both sides) who have been hurt by these egotistical men who made an adult decision to step outside of their relationship. I understand that their are predatory women out there who get off on the challenge of “taking” other people’s men, but one step towards healing is recognizing the truth and facts-and that is that both parties were to blame. Blaming one over the other will not provide a resolution or healing; only continued resentment and pain….but again the topic was women who prey-not men.
Another thing that puzzled me about the argument was this: On the one hand, it seems that some of us expect a solidarity amongst women…we expect other women (almost surely strange women) to respect the boundaries of our relationship-yet we still hold them accountable to the patriarchal standards that Jen was referring to and are almost blame the “other” woman first for the offense committed against us by our significant other (and yes I say us because I have been cheated on, but I have never felt the other woman was accountable, as that was not the person who violated any commitment to me-not to say that you all should feel the same way I do). It seems we want universal solidarity but we often refuse to redefine the gender boundaries (power) that confine women to the term “homewrecker” and men to terms less stinging such as “jerk” or “jigaloo”. Again that was not the topic of this original post-but it was an interesting argument that was raised.
I hope I have not offended anyone-To all of the people who have been shamelessly used by unfaithful partners and their co-conspirators, my prayers go out to you and your family. Look with-in yourself for healing and please trust that there is a blessing in every lesson we go through. Take heed to the message that this experience is trying to give to you, and trust that the message is not that another person is to blame for your significant others infidelity, but that your relationship is in a serious need of healing-deep healing…remember some people are in our lives for a reason, season, or a lifetime…and like no one relationship is perfect neither is anyone person-we all have faults. Forgive, let-go, heal…
Peace and Love
14 April 2010 at 8:32 pm
Twinsouls
So sorry for the grammatical errors! OMG, I am so embarrassed!
Peace and Love
15 April 2010 at 4:30 am
trying to move on
Hi Twinsouls, don’t worry about your grammar errors I’m sure I have many. I think the reason people on this sight (me at least) got so frustrated with Jen is because we found this a place to vent about our pain not philosophise. I found her arguements, though logical, inappropriate for this sight. I tried explaining that to her respectively, I never verbally attacked her, but she kept going on about the term “HOMEWRECKER it doesn’t make sense, how does one wreck a home if they’re not in it?” It’s slang for what she once even described as “not the most sympathetic of the bunch.”
I also think that the men are to blame as well as the “homewrecker.” And I think most people would agree that the men have a mind of their own no one forced them to cheat. However, there are some men that wouldn’t cheat if these woman weren’t trying so hard to break up there relationships. Not that the men have to partake they should still be held accountable. My husband didn’t physically cheat and I still hold him accountable for the role he played in what I have decided was a mental affair. But this woman kept pushing and pushing for the situation to progress into him eventually leaving me for her. I found her behavier incredibly disrespectful.
All that said I think all anyone on this sight is saying is that these woman show no regard for others. They know what they want and don’t care who they hurt. Disfunctional, yes they would have to be. I agree that not everything is good and evil, black and white. These woman probably have some mental issues but when you are on the receiving end of their disfunction you don’t care to take their problems into consideration. Just like they didn’t take our feelings into consideration when they decided to destroy our families.
17 April 2010 at 5:52 pm
JL
I’m a jerk. It’s just sex. Every time. Love variety. Love my kids. Love life! I’ve been cheated on. All it does it make me feel no so special. I’ve learned not to be so sensitive. There are so many other things that hurt so many people… we should focus on those things.
19 April 2010 at 5:33 am
susan
well, where I start getting offended is the point where people start blurring the REAL ISSUES with a bunch of philosophical garbage about solidarity,patriarchal society etc. We are not talking about hypotheticals, or what ifs, or delving into the problems of torrtured souls. I am talking about MY and others real pain, OUR REAL LIFE accounts of what happened TO US and our families. I dont know how many times it has to be repeated on this site – but here it goes. I am not and I don’t get the sense that anyone here is placing all or even half of the “blame ” on the other woman . I can tell you that I held no part in what happened. My husband has HIS problems and he did what he did and destroyed my love and trust. What did that “other woman do”? Nothing ? Since when is it morally OK and societally acceptable to pursue or be involved with, or have sex with , someone who is married – man or woman? What kind of world do we live in where that is excusable? I have no patience for psychobabble. I can’t believe I have to state this again. There are TWO people who did something WRONG when a spouse is unfaithful to his partner- the person who broke the committment, AND THE PERSON HE BROKE IT WITH. Distribute the percentages of blame however you see fit- but the willing and equally immoral unmarried participant holds responsibility too. I am tired of people using these sites where people come TO SHARE THEIR STORIES of pain AND HEALING. Where people come to find out if they are alone, or if others have had similar experiences. And what do they find psychobabble from people without a story to share,and defenders of the indefensible. I am sorry if this offends anyone- this is just my perspective. I check this site occasionally to see if I can offer any advice on how I am coming along with my marriage, and my healing. I check back to see if there is anyone who has gone through something similar and can can share something uplifting. And , well I can’t tell you how hurtful it is when these women who have slept with married men defend their actions, and when others who have never been in relationship devaststed by infidelity- defend their actions, and relinquish them of any and all blame or wrongdoing. And those of you who claim that you HAVE been cheated on , but don’t think the other party did anything wrong- well it’s pretty obvious that you are either a homewrecker, or an antagonizer. Fell free to share your story of what happened instead of your B.S..
My advice to all people who have been cheated on remains the same. Focus on you and your kids, and whether or not you are going to stay or going to go from the marriage. Some choose to go on the first day, some separate and do counselling, some stay together and do counselling- it’s all about you, your marriage and your individual experience.
Don’t let anyone tell you that YOU did something to make him/her cheat. Cheating is NEVER OK or justifiable. All marriages have ups and downs, good times and bad. During bad times, some marriages can get stronger, others weaker. Some marriages are bad- thats when you get a divorce , thats not permission to cheat.
Don’t waste one second of your time trying to contact, or see the other person, don’t seek out any remorse for what they did. They are not sorry and will never be sorry for what they did and they will never find fault with what they did. He/She already played their part in the destruction of your marriage and I can guarantee you they will play no part in your individual healing or your family’s healing. Leave it in the hands of GOD and karma.
And to you people who remove any and all blame frome these homewreckers who continue in relationships with married people-don’t you realize that they come to these sites looking for comments just like yours. those comments that wash away all blame or guilt, or wrongdoing . And I am sure they continue on without remorse or shame. It is hurtful to peolple like myself, and encouraging them to continue their behavior as morally acceptable.
19 April 2010 at 5:52 am
susan
And twin souls what kind of sexist comment is it to say that you “feel for women (on both sides) who are hurt by these egotistical men who made an adult decision to step outside of their relationship”. I see you victimizing one of the responsible parties. She knew what she was getting into when she started sleeping with a married man- she is an adult. She made an adult decicion too- or are women not responsible, or as “in control” as men in your eyes? She made the immoral choice to get involved with a married man. Are you shedding tears for this other woman because he is still sleeping with his wife, lying to his wife, and married to his wife? Isn’t that the situation she walked into? You sympathize with her “pain”- why? She is the only woman in the relationship who knows the truth about what is going on. She continues to sleep with him knowing he has an ongoing marriage , sexual relationship with his wife. She is the only one who knows what a two- timer he is , AND SHE CONTINUES TO ENCOURAGE HIM.
She got what she wanted, a married man , and you feel as if she is being hurt because he is married? Why is he the only egotistical and hurtful person? Seems like sexism to me.
19 April 2010 at 9:55 am
Van
Susan. You should offer a website that provides the consoling and comfort for those who have been wrecked, maybe start up your own blog. You have lots of experience to share that will help them not feel alone. My blog is for everyone to express their perspectives, so you will likely get more of the same arguments back and forth. If you start a blog, I will link to it from my home page as well.
19 April 2010 at 2:41 pm
susan
And another point I would like to address with twin souls is her discussion of the underlying “psychological issues” of women who become involved with “potentially unavailable men”. Here it goes.
The most ridiculous comment first- what is “potentially unavailable ” about a married man. Where does the word potentially come from? Isn’t he just outright unavailable. Married means no potential for you to have a healthy or true, honest, out in the open, relationship with him. He IS unavailable. For homewreckers-well, I guess he is available, or “potentially unavailable”. Does the potentially unavailable comment come from the fact that you think he is available, IF you can get him to be in a relationship outside of his marriage, but if the effort fails , he is truly “unavailable”. I think it is very telling of your way of thinking. Tell me, who , in your view is “truly unavailable “. How much more unavailable can a man be, when he is MARRIED.
I feel I must include the whole paragraph that you wrote pertaining to the psychological issues of the poor, helpless other woman. Here it is:”In my opinion, and it is only that, she was just trying to address the double standard in today’s sexist society, and even point out how even may of us women have internalized and accepted this sexism. We seem so accustomed to this idea of female homewrecker, that we have accepted the notion that she must be slut, whore, and inconsiderate bitch to have ever done a thing such as persue a married man. Perhaps there are some underlying psychological issues that led her to pursue potentially unavailable men. It has been shown that girls who are promiscuous at a young age, and continue this pattern into adulthood, have had abandonment and/or sexual abuse issues in their past. Could the same not be true for these women? Are we all to assume that they are all just purely evil or necessarily “inherently evil”? Could they suffer from the same internal/psychological affliction that drove the committed man to cheat? ”
Wow- how is that for a double standard, and excuses. You can write the book of excuses for wrongdoings. Tell me – is a pedophile who himself was abused as a child, at fault or WRONG, or responsible for his actions as an ADULT . Is it acceptable because he has deep rooted psychological issues? How about people who physically abuse their spouse because they were victims of abuse or witnessed abuse in their home? How about people who mentally abuse their spouse or kids because that was their experience? Is that OK with you too? Are they all excused because they have a free pass? Aren’t we all responsible for our own actions as adults, don’t we have free will and the choice to get help or not? The prisons are full of adults who had horrible childhoods, scarring experiences that molded them into the adults that they are and caused them to make the poor choices that have not only ruined their lives, but the people they victimized too. ADULTS. ADULTS. Are their crimes not crimes? Are they somehow not immoral? Are their actions not evil? Go see how popular your views would be with the victims and their families. You see, a bad childhood does not excuse bad behavior, and it doesn’t make what people do less immoral, evil,or wrong.
It is very important to realize that there are MANY, MANY people who have been victims of abuse as children and have made the choice as an adult to NOT repeat the cycle. Just because you grow up around violence or abuse does not mean you become violent or abusive. Just because you are sexually abused, does not mean you are automatically going to become promiscuous, drug- addicted, or a pedophile yourself. There are many , many people who are scarred by life experiences, suffer from self- esteem issues ,and they do not let that destroy them or make them into someone that they don’t want to be. You cannot go through life blaming your choices on other people and pointing the finger of blame on past experiences. That is truly unhealthy.
By the same token, A spouse who has been cheated on cannot become an alcoholic and blame her cheating spouse or his mistress. A hurt spouse cannot then cheat on her husband to ‘even the score’ and blame her wrongdoing on him and his lover. A hurt spouse who has difficulty coping cannot even blame her future unhappiness on the infidelity- because it is over. She is in control now. She lives in the truth and needs to bring about her own happiness whatever it takes . The cheater and the homewrecker both silently affected her life and happiness and played their part in the destruction of her marriage and family- but that is out in the open NOW and we live in the present. You are in control of your future and your choices. No one should blame anyone in their past for PRESENT pain, THEY ARE TO BLAME FOR PAST PAIN.
Now i will take it down one notch for you and hone in on some of the childhood excuses that people who ruin marriages use. These apply to the committed partner, and the outsider “homewrecker. “I was abused as a child, I came from a broken home, my dad cheated on my mom too, I was mentally abused, my mom was a cruel person, I have always had self-esteem issues etc. etc” . As I stated, both the man and the woman involved in the infidelity have every excuse to try to remove blame from themselves- so it is your dad’s fault? your Mom’s? your childhood abuser? your childhood in general, a past relationship?- not yours?
When you break it down , both the cheater and the other person have definite deep rooted psychological issues. Some are just not nice people, for whatever reason. Some of them have true categorizable mental illness, ie depression, bipolar disorder. And other have identifiable personality disorders. Most, mentally ill or not, cling to blaming their parents or someone else for the fact that they enter into bad relationships, or ruin good ones. The saddest part in all of this is that after infidelity- all parties involved need help. The cheater usually only seeks help in an effort to save his marriage, or after the collapse of the extramarital affair when he has neither the mistress or the wife. The same is true for cheater if she is a woman- either spouse can cheat. The person cheated on, is totally devaststed and traumatized and now she/he needs to seek out help not only for himself/herself but for the marriage. The children are in need of counselling and most parents seek help so that they are not scarred. Ah- but the homewrecker rarely goes to see the therapist claiming any wrongdoing, never recognizing their part. The homewrecker, often women,- (just a fact) usually goes to the therapist seeking comfort, claiming to have been victimized by yet another man who used her for sex. Spouting all of her stories of woe from her prior relationships and her childhood- wondering, “why does this always happen to me?”. The homewreckers seek out sympathy and someone to validate them and tell them that despite what they did- they are still a “good person”. “Good” people don’t cheat and good people don’t sleep with married men/women, but they want to feel as if they are truly “good” they just did something”bad”, but always for a “good reason”. Is a priest who is a pedophile a “good” person. A person who beats his wife, but goes to church on every Sunday , is he a “good “person. A philanthropist who helps the poor every day but comes home to mentally abuse his kids, is he a “good” person. It is not all black and white, but sick people want it to be that way- an excuse for their actions, something to “offset” the “bad”, a good reason, a good excuse, a good fallback, a good life, good deeds. “Good ” people do “bad” things and “bad “people do “good” things- but it is really irrelevant- because only a sick person is so concerned about being labeled as good. Only a truly sick person wants so badly to be perceived as good because deep down they are not convinced themselves. Let your actions be your measure and in the end you have to sleep with your choices and on judgement day- the true judge of good versus bad will be the only one that matters. Any person can make a whole lifetime of poor choices, full of destructiveness and still be redeemed in the end. Not to get religious , but in the end only GOD judges us ,and if He thinks you are good and have redeemed yourself- then you have- that is it. So you see being a homewrecker, or a cheater, or a murderer for that matter does not mean you are so “bad” you are not redeemable. Everyone is redeemable- but the first step in redemption is recognizing when you have done something wrong and YOU TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY. This brings me back to my point of not blaming others or your childhood – or that “seductress of a woman “who led you astray, or that “egotistical jigalo of a man who used me for sex”, or “I thought I was in love”. The buck stops with you and only you can affect change in your life. Sometimes life throws you curveballs, sometimes life tears you down completely and you have to rebuild, but, there are always lessons to be learned.
And please, as I stated in my last post on yor comment where you feel sorry for these women. Feel sorry for the real victims- the wives and their families, the people who DIDN’T know what horrible things were going on behind their backs. The ones who were truly lied to and betrayed by 2 obviously sick and selfish people.
Watch for the sexism in your own remarks – and there are many. Women are capable of making their own decisions-if one chooses to be involved with a married man-then they do so. They then must live with the choice. Don’t victimize them. They are not victims of their own actions and choices. They may regret the situation that THEY PUT THEMSELVES INTO- AND NOW THEY WANT IT TO CHANGE, but they are not victims. Do you think they are stupid and don’t realize that the man is, and always has been unavailable? YOU are taking the power away from women when you victimize them. As an aside,I am sure the cheater feels equally victimized that his lover has now changed the rules from free, unattached sex, to “you must leave your wife and make a committment to me”.There are two sides to everything and you need to realize that it does not always fall down on the side of the woman because she is a woman- and do you think she is less likely to make her own decisions AND be responsible for her choices?
Don’t state that the men are jigalo pigs who may ,or may not have psychological issues- and then brush that off , just so that you can carry on about the poor women who have been abused and have poor childhoods that warped them ,so now they what?- have no control over their choices? Once again YOU are taking the power away from women.
And , I must state again , that a “homewrecker” is a homewrecker, man or woman ,cheater and outsider alike – both wreck the home , and both deserve the term. The cheating spouse let the homewrecker in and she hurt the family and actively worked to destroy it . Sorry if the truth hurts. I never heard of a homewrecker who says- “you and your wife need to go into counselling and see if the marriage can be saved. ‘ ” Please think of the children. ” ” Take some time to make your choice, and whatever you choose I will agree to it. ” ” I will wait for you you to give your marriage a chance, or clear your head. ” Or – my favorite- “you should tell your wife the truth because she deserves to know”. It is always the opposite. “If you don’t leave her- I will tell her. ” ” The kids will be fine, they will learn to accept it.” “If you leave me, I cannot guarantee that I will not have moved on while you clear your head. ” They always badmouth the marriage and the spouse. They are like termites- working from within. They are not powerless victims. The cheater does horrible, horrible things to a person he is married to and there is no excuse for his patheticness either- he is not powerless. But don’t act as if the outsider is truly “outside” and powerless to affect change in his marriage.- because she is inside the family, and even in the home, every day- even if just in spirit- she is destoying it too. They are both homewreckers. No sexism. just truth.
And if i may speak to your last comment-”Take heed to the message that this experience is trying to give to you, and trust that the message is not that another person is to blame for your significant others infidelity”. THE MESSAGE that this experience has given me has nothing to do with infidelity, and most importantly , has nothing to do with the LESSONS learned from the experience. The lesson- I will speak to in a bit. The MESSAGE – is that there are truly horrible , heartless selfish people out there. Unfortunately, I was sleeping with one, and he was sleeping with another one of his kind. Once again it seems as if you taking all responsibility from the other woman. She didn’t force him to break his vows- he did that. But they both destroyed our family. My marriage as i knew it is over because of BOTH of them. But thanks for your concern that I may actually blame them- or place any blame on the other woman!you wouldn’t want me to do that! She is in my PAST and she is PART OF my PAST problem. My marriage NOW and my life NOW has nothing to do with her, and my problems NOW have to do with my husband, and the current state of my marriage. I am dealing with the trauma and the fact that I ,and my kids were victimized, and mentally, and emotionally abused and scarred by the experience- but , that is no reason to give up on leading a normal and happy life. My one abuser, my husband, is seeking redemption and wants to come back into my life, my other abuser, the other woman, slinked back into the shadows from which she came and is not sorry for the damage caused by her actions. I am moving on and flushing the horrible experience from my mind slowly, each day. I forgive them both, and I am not looking for any type of punishment for either party. I PRAY for her to see the light and acknowledge her wrongdoings so as to spare another family the grief which she will inevitably cause another unsuspecting wife- because statistically speaking , people who get involved with married men do it often habitually. SAD, but true. The LESSON is the most important thing to take away. And the lesson is about me, my husband and our marriage ,and what it all means. The lesson is about people’s flaws, and truths. The LESSON is individual for each marriage and each person and has nothing to do with her. and MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE LESSON for my husband is entirely different, and comes from his perspective.
Lastly,we can learn from every experience, and even other peoples experiences. We all must “forgive, let go, and heal”. My eyes are wide open. You can forgive , and move on in your own relationship and life , and still have something to say when people defend the indefensible.
19 April 2010 at 2:50 pm
susan
Van, I just noticed your reply. I am aware that other people will continue to post insensitive remarks to the affected spouse. I may be interested in a blog at some point, but unfortunately I don’t have the time to check the site that often. I am a professional with lots of kids and a busy life. I have just had the misfortune of being out with pneumonia for a few days and I had some time. I am confident that there are many women who just read the stories and comments without writing a response, just as I did for a while. And others who will respond. Differing opinions and differing perspectives help keep these sites alive and stir up conversation. Hopefully , I have done that, and have stirred up some thoughts about the pain of infidelity.
21 April 2010 at 4:59 am
Twinsouls
Susan,
First of all hello to you. I will directly speak to you, since it seems as if you are directly speaking to me. I do not mean to offend you, but your ASSumptions are generally offensive and rude. First of all you ASSume that because some women choose to offer what you label psychobabble they have not walked in your shoes or have known someone intimately (like their mother) who has. You ASSume that because they did not share every detail of their story, that they are just offering their opinion with no substantive experience to back it up. This site, as the blogger explained, was dedicated to help various women with their healing process. Who are you to even ASSume that those of us who post with out delving into the sorid details of a painful past are without a story? Can you not even fathom that people are at various stages in the healing process? Is it not reasonable to think that not everyone who has been cheated on feels victimized, that not everyone blames the other woman? Contrary to what you ASSume, this site is not just for people who subscribe to your definitions and opinions. It is for:
“you realize that your focus should be on your recovery, not on those who triggered the hurt. It’s probably not the best of time for me to tell you that you played an equal part in your hurt, but hear me out. I’m not here to judge anyone or tell anyone they’re wrong or lay any blame. My whole blog is dedicated to giving you, the hurt female, a different way of looking at things so you can move on from your hurt and find joy in things. The other two players have hurt you deeply, and in a way that you can’t logically explain. You don’t have to explain yourself. Go ahead and process the hurt because you deserve your time to heal. But somewhere in the back of your mind, just tuck away the idea that no one can truly hurt you except yourself (physical harm of course being the exception).” Now I did not state this in my post but I agree with the host of this blog :
“When you’re ready, and only when you’re ready, take a good look at your own life and how it led up to the home wrecking scene. Look at your choice in partners, look at the company you keep, look at the boundaries you’ve set, look at the lessons learned from previous relationships, look at where you’ve been, and finally…look at where you want to be. It’s all part of figuring out who you are.”
I find it rude and very offensive that your ASSumptions lead you to post ” that those of you who claim that you HAVE been cheated on , but don’t think the other party did anything wrong- well it’s pretty obvious that you are either a homewrecker, or an antagonizer. Fell free to share your story of what happened instead of your B.S..” Seriously, someone differs in your opinion and you label them a “homewrecker” or “antagonizer.”? Perhaps that wasn’t aimed at me because I did not say that I don’t find the other party unaccountable. Can you consider that its possible that they have a different outlook on life, perhaps even different faith that allows them to forgive their wrongdoers or understand reasons why some people hurt others? Why resort to namecalling because you have no other way of conceiving how someone could think different than you?
You are offended when “people start blurring the REAL ISSUES with a bunch of philosophical garbage about solidarity,patriarchal society etc. We are not talking about hypotheticals, or what ifs, or delving into the problems of torrtured souls” I’m sorry Susan, but most philosophical garbage is based on real life experiences-this garbage generally stems from some “B.S.
ers” as you call them, attempt to make sense and peace out of a traumatic event in their life. My hypothetical laced philosophy that may be referenced here (since I gave no concrete examples) was referencing first hand experience from a myriad of standpoints that I have witnessed in my life: a fathers philandering, family and friends antagonizing dilemmas, and by own heartbreak. In the case of by own experiences, perhaps it was something inherent, but I didn’t look outside of the relationship to place blame and I do not know why. I first tried to understand why my partner would deceive me, and then I began to look at him as a choice. The same with father, it never crossed my mind to consider this other woman-I looked at him as an overall person and the circumstances that may have caused him to do this to our family. BUT THIS IS JUST ME AND MY EXPERIENCES AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO VOICE THEM. I CAME TO THIS WEBSITE THE SAME AS ANYONE ELSE HERE, WITH THE INTENT ON UNDERSTANDING WHAT HAPPENED AND HEALING. BECAUSE OTHERS CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NOT THE SAME AS YOU AND THEY DO NOT PROCESS THEIR EXPERIENCE AND HEAL AS YOU, DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO LABEL THEM HOMEWRECKERS OR AGITATORS. I inserted myself into a debate that I found similar to how I have dealt with things. I did not resort to name calling or condescending rhetoric to prove my point. I hope I conveyed that I understood and respected everyone’s perspective.
I agree with you that perhaps my statement about only the cheating men being egotistical was sexist-but to counter your hurtful ASSumptions-I was thinking about the various experiences where the “homewreckers” did not know the men were married or involved. While this does not fall into the black and white topic first posted, it is a valid point, as some women do engage in these relationships thinking the person is single and available. Sometimes they find out and end the relationship, other times they do not because they feel, right or wrong, emotionally attached to that person-and as quoted by the host of this blog “She just thinks she’s in love and can’t stop thinking about him…and doesn’t think she is a homewrecker.” That was clearly my fault for not explaining my thought process. I do understand that not all men who cheat are acting under sexist tendencies, that their are several factors that lead people to step outside of their relationships and seek the emotional and physical comfort of another.
To answer your question as to how I can sympathize with both women and obviously you are only referring to the “homewrecker”,-its because I have compassion-as I tried to state in my same post-for people in general-(even the men who are clearly confused by these situations they find themselves in) There are a myriad of reasons why people make inconsiderate, hurtful, immoral, and sometimes evil choices in life-because I would not make those mistakes does not mean that I cannot have compassion for them. I believe everyone’s life circumstances shape who they are, I do not agree with what these women are doing, but on a human level I have compassion for them and recognize that they may suffer from some sort of psychological pathology, the same kind that I may have, but for whatever reason mine does not translate into “homewrecking.” ( I can be seen as matter of fact, ocd, too nice even) Could I forget the hurt and damage that ripped apart a family, or caused anguish to innocent children? No, but I have the right to choose to forgive anyone I see fit and move on. I do not have to choose to forever blame the other woman any more or less than I blame my significant other, or even myself. It is just my personal experience that has lead me to understand, that for my circumstances, addressing the deficiencies in my relationship and personal life, and then considering outside mitigating circumstances lead to a healing processes that worked for me.
Again I hope all of you find the strength to heal within yourselves, it is a very hard task, but in the end the inner strength you find will provide you with a base of stability moving forward in life. I have not attempted to be insensitive to the issue of infidelity, but only attempted to share my thoughts (even though it may not have been my whole experience) on the subject.
Peace
21 April 2010 at 5:57 am
Twinsouls
Susan,
I just read your comments after I posted my first response back to you. I really don’t know what is going on in terms of your personal story. But I can tell that this experience has been extremely hurtful to you. If I could apologize for that hurt, I would. I would rather this world be peopled with those who choose to do whats right the first time, every time, but its not. And I seek to understand why.I am not to blame for your hurt, and again because I think different from you does not mean my OPINION is invalid. NOR does it mean that I am the type of person you abhor so much: A HOMEWRECKER.
But these are my opinions, and I do not have to think like you. I am comfortable with my opinions and people differing from them. I am not comfortable with you feeling as though you have the right to disrespect me by resorting to name-calling and below the belt shots at my morality.
In discussing the underlying “psychological issues” of women who become involved with “potentially unavailable men” I used the word “potentially” because that is how these women view these men. I am not sure at what part you are upset with? These women do not view these men as taken or they would not engage them. I also used the word to highlight the fact that some of these men do not disclose their full relationship status to the potential homewrecker. I do not recall, but we can go back to the paragraph to see, if I stated that I thought married men were unavailable. But I am not going to pretend that some women do not think that, and that some married men do not portray that (can we all say Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, etc) no matter how public the fact is. A man is only unavailable to some women if he himself makes it so. That is just a fact. No law, religion, or arguments for solidarity is going to change that for some women. I was trying to bring some humanism to the argument by stating that perhaps the same psychological trauma that caused one husband to cheat (earlier on the thread someone said Bi-polar-and no disrespect I do not mean to take your story out of context) MAY have-not definitively did-cause some women to act the way they do. I do not claim to know if its excusable or not. But I recognize there are other factors out their that contribute to personal human deficiencies.
But this is just getting redundant, at this point in the thread, it is pretty obvious that there are thousands of compelling reasons as to why people cheat-and that not every husband who cheats is a bad husband. I was simply trying to state that not every woman who wrecks is a bad person either. I understand that you may not agree, but I am not degrading you by calling you names because of it.
Now on to the next point:
You posted “is a pedophile who himself was abused as a child, at fault or WRONG, or responsible for his actions as an ADULT . Is it acceptable because he has deep rooted psychological issues? How about people who physically abuse their spouse because they were victims of abuse or witnessed abuse in their home? How about people who mentally abuse their spouse or kids because that was their experience? Is that OK with you too? Are they all excused because they have a free pass? Aren’t we all responsible for our own actions as adults, don’t we have free will and the choice to get help or not? The prisons are full of adults who had horrible childhoods, scarring experiences that molded them into the adults that they are and caused them to make the poor choices that have not only ruined their lives, but the people they victimized too. ADULTS. ADULTS. Are their crimes not crimes? Are they somehow not immoral? Are their actions not evil?”
I am not going to compare a pedophile or murderer to cheating persons-I am not going to stretch a similar comparison of accountability to prove my point. But I will simply state-in general terms- that there are several factors that would render a person more or less accountable for their actions. Because you are an adult is only one of them. We all eventually become adults, who live in this crazy and sick 21st century- I happen to be one that does not look at issues as being so black and white, cut and dry. Not everyone who makes a mistake is 100 percent at fault, even if it does result in the victimization of another. Again my opinion. Every situation is different. There is no monolithic homewrecker anymore than there is a monolithic criminal.
You want a personal story of abuse? Will that make you feel better? Out of three friends who were sexually abused 1) turned to $ for sex to validate her womanhood and perhaps deal with the trauma, and cant seem to get out of the cycle of now self abuse 2) married a sex addicted husband and stayed for 12 years (I am proud to say she found the inner strength to change herself and leave)-witnessing the abuse of another and 3) went from early sexual experiences to wrong choices in mates for years, until finally not allowing herself to be victimized by her abuser and looking within to move past the hurt. All of these women where children when it happened, under the age of 10. They had to go through adolescents and adulthood with a warped sense of self and womanhood- especially considering the perp was a married man. Who am I to judge how they turned out and place blame on them solely because they are now adults? Who am I to assume that they are not seeking some sort of counseling to deal with the issue? I am simply saying that nothing is as cut and dry as it seems, and I’d rather look inward for personal healing than outward at circumstances that are well beyond by control and maybe even understanding. I do not know what it takes for people to to overcome bad circumstances and decide to make good choices out of them. My mother is a counselor in the prison systems, my father a lawyer, and I am a social historian (and if you find it necessary you may go ahead and use this fact to criticize my overt sexism as you call it)- and although it sounds easy to persevere and just get over the pain, sadly it is not. Those who do overcome bad life circumstances are the exception, not the rule. If it were truly that easy, by this day and age we would live in a utopia. I mean think about it, we are all on this website because it isn’t that easy. We could have all just as easily been scarred for life and choose retribution or worse, but we chose a different outlet. Sadly not everyone has our strength.
I never said that these women or men who homewreck should not be held accountable. I never said I do not feel sorry for the “true victims” of these circumstances. I try to understand all sides of the story and choose to look at it from what I believe is more humanistic. No one has to subscribe to my way of thinking and I am not forcing anyone to do so. It is my personal opinion and as a part of this global community I have a right to voice it.
I attempted to broaden everyone’s perspective on the subject, and sorry Susan I do have that right and that doesn’t make me your personal adversary because of it, nor does it make a homewrecker or immoral person.
Onelove
22 April 2010 at 11:31 am
Twinsouls
Susan,
Also again I apologize for your hurt. I was not addressing my post to you specifically. I was stating why I felt like Jen’s comment was valid-that was the point of that specific post. It was not directed at you or your specific circumstances. Please point out in my post where I stated that the “other” woman was not accountable.
Also when you posted this: ”Take heed to the message that this experience is trying to give to you, and trust that the message is not that another person is to blame for your significant others infidelity”. THE MESSAGE that this experience has given me has nothing to do with infidelity, and most importantly , has nothing to do with the LESSONS learned from the experience-you validated my point exactly-The message and the lesson inevitably lead to a more holistic look at various aspects of your life that in the end will point not to the infidelity, persons who committed it, or experience!
I am not sure why you are picking apart my comments and applying them only to your experience as if I were speaking to you personally. I was, again offering a different interpretation. If you will recall I began the first sentences of my post with :
Hello All,
First let me start by saying I do not emphasize with people who intentionally attempt to break up relationships, married or otherwise. I believe that people are inherently selfish, but through self-love, faith in a higher power, and a general consideration for the well being of others-we can overcome this human flaw.
I then when on to address a very specific comment made by a previous poster. My comment was not intended to be a reference point for everyone’s situation, only those who could relate and/or understand the perspective I offered.
Again, I am sorry for your pain and suffering.
Peace
2 May 2010 at 10:29 am
K$
I just feel bad for the children of the married family…it sucks so much when your parents have to go through the whole thing, and a lot of the negative effects end up on the shoulders of their children.
Next time you are about to cheat, or you are about to look at a married man, why don’t you think about his poor children? The ones who will have to deal with the effects of your stupidity for the rest of their lives?
People are so fucking stupid.
2 May 2010 at 6:02 pm
trying to move on
I couldn’t have said it better myself, K$.
23 May 2010 at 4:37 pm
Tracey
Val was my homewrecker but failed at her task, she was the shop mananger and my husband was the worker there..
I say there is no excuses for a homewrecker… NONE
She did it and knew what she was doing and no excuse will ever take away my heartache.
Val is married to agreat man but like other homewreckers went elsewhere cause she wasnt happy with her sex life and sadly my husband was weak and fell for her..i couldnt stop it, i did try
the good news is Brian and i are working things out, i have some bad days and with time i hope my heart heals..
i will never understand Val..how she can live a lie everyday to her husband, and pretend that nothing happened…to me thats a CRAZY COLD HEARTED BITCH WITH NO EMOTIONS
27 May 2010 at 7:25 am
trying to move on
All I can say is I wish I could be a fly on the wall when karma catches up with these woman.
29 May 2010 at 9:49 am
tracey jones
i dont get how they can do that…Are they that unstable and useless???
a fly on the wall would be great but i would just love to see them myself…
i hate her for all the pain she caused me..i hope in time she feels the pain in return
30 May 2010 at 11:08 am
trying to move on
I know how you feel. I would love for the woman who tried to break up my husband and I feel half of the pain she caused me. I would love to see her cry over going through some day what she put me through and laugh in her face.
31 May 2010 at 4:48 pm
tracey jones
the shitty thing about my case is shes the secratary there…
fuckin hate that!!!!
when he goes to work i get anxiety and alot of days im depressed..when were together its great but the minute he leaves for work it kicks in..
2 June 2010 at 4:58 am
trying to move on
I know how you feel. The woman who kept trying to seduce my husband worked with him too. Every time I knew they were working together I would go nuts until he came home. The woman got transferred then eventually fired (see what a bitch karma is). At one point she was dating my husbands cousin.
I know it’s hard but try to stay busy when he’s at work. Focus on YOU. Go to the gym (exercise will make you feel better) Get your nails or hair done, rent good movie’s anything to keep your mind off of it. It’s easier said than done, I know. But try, you will feel better.
4 June 2010 at 3:21 pm
tracey jones
thank you for the advice trying to move on:)
im at a point where i think im ready to move forward as hard as it might be..
im on facebook if you wanna try and keep in touch..my emailis traceytj6@gmail.com and my name is Trace Jones as you know..lol
this site was and still will be a good way for me to vent woyhout hurting peoples feelings..i dont like to hurt people..so im sure i will post again soon:)
trust is hard as you know, one of the hardest things…thats where im at now, i need to let go and try and trust
5 June 2010 at 2:43 am
trying to move on
Good for you. Yes, trust is hard. Some days will be easier than others. If you have forgiven your husband and he is willing to earn your trust back I think that is wonderful. They say time heals all wounds. Good luck to you both.
6 June 2010 at 4:33 pm
tracey jones
this will be hands down one of the hardest thing im gonna do that i can think of….
forgive the woman that tried to break my family and except that my husband made a terrible mistake..WOW the thought is even hard for me but im gonna do it. if i wanna move on… i need to..
this all happened about a year ago…
i hope you and your family stay strong and get through all the drama that other people cause:)
9 June 2010 at 6:10 pm
Marie
The “succubus ” is a term my adult son defined the woman who had an affair with my husband and his dad. There is no excuse to involve oneself with a man who is married. What possible positive thing could come out of the situation? Of course the wife is the catalyst who caused her man to stray. That is the excuse the husband always gives the “succubus”. She doesn’t understand me, she doesn’t pay attention to me, she’s this and she’s that. I could go on and on with all the excuses that he gives her. They tell the “succubus” anything she wants to hear to gain her sympathy. In reality, he plays a selfish dangerous game that causes devastation, not only to his wife, but to their children, family, and friends.
In my case, he would tell her that when we are together, we were never intimate, but not so. So he is lying to her as well as me. Here are some experts from her emails to my husband when he told her it was over.
(1)
“i miss you”
“and i cant stop crying”
“u r my whole world”
“and iam nothing without us”
(2)
“I have had alot more time to think and I know inmy heart of hearts I cant imagine my life without you. I know you are insecure because unlike Marie I do have male friends I have dated and I am still attractive BUT my heart is committed to you it has been even tho you are married to someone else. There are not many single women who commit to a married man.”
(3)
“Marie turned her back on you and promised to be the wife you wanted? she was for a short time but you need more.
Dont turn your back on us, I love you and want you and am willing to love you forever and never need another man.
Love u more
me”
(4)
“Am I not worth it, is our love not worth it?”
9 June 2010 at 6:10 pm
Marie
The “succubus ” is a term my adult son defined the woman who had an affair with my husband and his dad. There is no excuse to involve oneself with a man who is married. What possible positive thing could come out of the situation? Of course the wife is the catalyst who caused her man to stray. That is the excuse the husband always gives the “succubus”. She doesn’t understand me, she doesn’t pay attention to me, she’s this and she’s that. I could go on and on with all the excuses that he gives her. They tell the “succubus” anything she wants to hear to gain her sympathy. In reality, he plays a selfish dangerous game that causes devastation, not only to his wife, but to their children, family, and friends.
In my case, he would tell her that when we are together, we were never intimate, but not so. So he is lying to her as well as me. Here are some experts from her emails to my husband when he told her it was over.
(1)
“i miss you”
“and i cant stop crying”
“u r my whole world”
“and iam nothing without us”
(2)
“I have had alot more time to think and I know inmy heart of hearts I cant imagine my life without you. I know you are insecure because unlike Marie I do have male friends I have dated and I am still attractive BUT my heart is committed to you it has been even tho you are married to someone else. There are not many single women who commit to a married man.”
(3)
“Marie turned her back on you and promised to be the wife you wanted? she was for a short time but you need more.
Dont turn your back on us, I love you and want you and am willing to love you forever and never need another man.
Love u more
me”
(4)
“Am I not worth it, is our love not worth it?”
9 June 2010 at 6:16 pm
Marie
OOPs a double enter on my previous comment
11 June 2010 at 4:43 am
trying to move on
What I don’t understand about these woman is why they feel they have a right to make judgements on the husband’s and wife’s relationship. Who are they to say “oh, I’m better for you than your wife.” They know nothing of the good times, or the reasons for the bad times. They know nothing of the memories, or the couple’s history together. The only thing they know, is what they want and make excuses for why their actions are justified. They’re either heartless and get pleasure out of ruining a family, sometimes for the sport of it, others because they just want something someone else has and just don’t care who they hurt in the process, or they’re just naive and see the husbands side of why things aren’t working out and don’t bother to hear the wife’s. In the case of the last scenerio “the poor little thing” (sarcasm) usually ends up with her heart broken.
In any case they have no idea what the wife’s life is like or the sacrifices she makes for her husband and family. I don’t care what kind of “connection” they have. If these women really cared about these men they should respect their families and find their own. And the men should really think with their brains, not their penises, of what they are risking.
11 June 2010 at 7:57 am
Marie
Lack of self-worth, integrity, confidence, and morals is what the “HomeWrecker is missing. They are clue-less about the real world and continue to live unrealistically. You hit the nail on the head “trying to move on” when you said they only hear the husband’s side of the marriage. They don’t hear about the 30+ yrs of trials, tribulations, and the good stuff. That is the real world. But do they really want to know the truth? If they are lacking the above, certainly not. This “HW” is in financial straits with no job, foreclosure of condo (deceased mom’s with a reverse mortgage), outstanding debts, supporting a “20 year old daughter with 2 kids (multiple fathers).
When he ended their affair, he found this on his notepad that she left for him.
His to-do List:
1. Divorce
2. Insurance Policy
3. Stop Criticizing
4. What do yo see in
1 yr.
3 yr.
5 yr.
5. Help w/stuff
a. Julie (daughter) has no car ins.
b. Car sucks
c. I need bigger car
d. house co-sign (condo in foreclosure)
e. pay maintenance (mthly. condo fees)
13 June 2010 at 4:20 am
trying to move on
Wow! She had a list of her plot? This woman sounds like nothing but a lazy gold digger with no morals. Karma will have a blast with her.
14 June 2010 at 10:59 am
Marie
You are correct “trying to move on”. There was a plot and let me explain in the shortest version. He got caught and this is how. I received an email in my internet inbox 3 1/2 monthis ago that read “Are you and Keith Separated?” in the subject line. So it went on to say that this “friend of mine” was out dining and saw, who they thought was me, having dinner with my husband. When they came closer, it wasn’t, so they asked what was going on in this email. The funny part about this, it was signed “from a concerned friend who wishes to remain anonymous for now”. I didn’t recognize the email screenname, did some investigating, and this “anonymous friend” created this account to get my attention. Did some more investigating and it was the “HW and her best friend” that created this account under her bf’s account. So I did some more investigation with emails, cellphone numbers and found out everything.
So in restrospect, her motive was to send this email, I read it, everything would come out in the open, and then I would persue the divorce right away or my husband would persue it. But BINGO it
BACKFIRED on the “the poor little thing.”
16 June 2010 at 6:31 pm
trying to move on
It’s been over a year now that my world was turned upside down. Over year since my husband told me a woman at his work aggressively tried to seduce him, and then continually tried to convince him to leave me for her for months after that. Every time I knew they were working together I would say to myself “is this going to be the day he will eventually give into her advances.” Luckily, he never did. What bothered me was her lack of compassion for who would be hurt if her mission was successful.
My heart was broken because my husband flirted with her. He found himself beginning to have interest in her, it made him question our relationship. I’m just now beginning to get over all the pain I felt.
What I will never understand is the lack of empathy these woman have. To quote homewreckers “If he was happy he wouldn’t have interest in me.” I just can’t comprehend that mindset. No relationship can possibly be happy all the time. A couple could have overall a great relationship that happens be going through a rough patch that would otherwise work itself out or pass. I think a homewrecker has a sixth sense to when a relationship is having one of these difficult periods and tries to squirm her way in.
The reason homewreckers are usually unsuccessful is because these men who have moments of weakness really love there wives. They eventually wake up and see these woman for who they are, nothing but shells of human beings with ugly hearts.
6 July 2010 at 1:28 am
kiwi
I have been on the receiving end of a homewrecker. Recently. It is a raw wound.
She made herself available to my husband, and I warned him over and over, but he eventually left me for her……….only to be begging to return to me after two weeks. I feel recycled, trashed.
I am not sure how to start again – or if I want to.
I worry that he will do this again – the next time a strong, available, seductress comes along. I’m 51 – too old for this pathetic behaviour. He says he has learned the most expensive lesson of his life. I’m not sure weak people like him have the strength to say no. She knew he was married. She didn’t care.
Why don’t men recognise these sad excuses for women?
Why do women hurt each other in this way?
9 July 2010 at 8:08 am
The Sideline Heaux Chronicles « The Ninja Parade
[...] any self-respecting ninja would do…I very unscientifically polled my friends, and read an interesting blog or two. When asked what percentage of single women have had an affair with a married man, the [...]
13 July 2010 at 12:56 pm
homewrecker
Ladies, the best way to avoid so-called “homewreckers” is NOT to deny your husbands sex and affection. Don’t batter, hen-peck, or make your man feel small, foolish, or inadequate in any way. Don’t allow yourself to become a haggered old nag. Don’t spend money you don’t have. Don’t forget that your husband should be the most important person in your home, and if you don’t treat him like the king he wants to be, you, yourself, are opening your door to a homewrecker.
14 July 2010 at 9:53 am
trying to move on
ummmmm, honey my husband never actually cheated on me if you read my posts. I was complaining about a woman who continually tried over and over again to seduce my husband, knowing he had a family. How disrespectful. But hey not everyone has morals, so who am I to judge, right?
Just for the record at the time my husband worked nights got home at 1:00 am. I would go to bed at a normal hour, set my alarm, then wake up to cook him a fresh, home cooked meal, I get up at 5:00 a.m to go to the gym every morning, lost my baby weight 2 months after giving birth, thank you very much, and those are just a couple of examples of how much I put into our relationship. Homewreckers don’t ALWAYS have all the info they think they need to justify their behaver to themselves.
14 July 2010 at 10:59 am
homewrecker
Please note: My comment above (and this one) are directed to all posters in this thread in general and no one in particular.
If you truly love your man, know this — You can give and give and give, but if what you are giving isn’t what your man truly needs or wants, he can be led astray and away from you by the temptations of others.
Communication is key, but be careful what you wish for. If your man has a particular sexual “thing” he’d like to try, will he tell you?
And if he tells you what he wants, will you allow him to have it? Or do you draw a line somewhere between have and have not (or what you may consider respectable and not-respectable sexuality), thus cracking the door of your relationship to a less prudish homewrecker?
By and large, it all boils down to this: Happy people don’t cheat, can’t be tempted to cheat, and have no motivation to cheat, regardless of the caliber of temptresses who may try to throw themselves down at your man’s feet.
An honestly happy and satisfied spouse is your best defense against homewreckers.
And may you and God forgive the homewreckers… (uh, I mean US!) For we know not what we do.
15 July 2010 at 3:20 am
trying to move on
I don’t know your situation nor do you really know mine. Every relationship is different so are the circumstances. I’m not one to blame a person who was with a married man and had no idea the man was married. I just think it’s heartless to pursue a married man for sport in the hopes of hurting people. Woman who are with married men, especially ones with kids i think are selfish, and enjoy drama. The men who cheat are the ones who need to communicate, people aren’t mind readers. When my husband was tempted he was honest with me so we could try to find the problem with our relationship and fix it, her being around trying to seduce him all the time didn’t help. The blame I hold my attempted homewrecker was her lack of empathy in her mission. She’s a bad person, simple as that. Some people say it’s not the “homewreckers” fault she/he is not in the relationship it’s the husbands which is true, he is to blame. What I don’t understand is why would you want to be a part of someones pain. God will forgive the homewreckers as for me I’m working on it.
23 July 2010 at 11:09 am
Marie
trying to move on — I appreciate your articulation of conveying the message to “homewrecker”. Yes every situation is different, but the bottom line in my case, is that when a HW persues and persues and she did know that he was married, it doesn’t matter, she is wrong for chasing after a MM. Piss poor character flaws on her part to just walk away or never start anything in the first place. She wanted a life with him because he was in a marriage with financially stability and that was what she was lacking.
For these women with low self-worth and low self-esteem, it’s easier to seek out any man in a committment than to start from scratch with a single guy.
26 July 2010 at 12:11 pm
Unbridled
Oh, contrar Homewrecker it has been noted that men tend to cheat on their BEAUTIFUL wives with UGLY women, easy women. (this scenario that I have mentioned tends to be the norm more so than the exception). Use Sandra Bullock as an example. The list goes on and on. Cheaters cheat with a “lesser” type person both physically and mentally.
Homewrecker, in some respect your advice is sensible however you are being closed minded to the other side of a sad triangle which is…
A cheater likes to cheat. He/She doesn’t necessarily like or respect the homewrecker, he/she likes to cheat because of what is happening inside of them. A cheater’s own ego and poor judgement causes them to lose reality. Sure anyone can blame anyone these days but a cheater has a pattern & history always repeat itself.
In reference to your “haggard” remarks, in most cases it is the HOMEWRECKER (use Sandra Bullock as an example); that is easy & haggard.
13 September 2010 at 3:55 am
Valerie Acree
I would just like to know why the homewrecker in my life will not move on. She had an affair with my husband, got pregant, went back to her husband so he would pay for the abortion. I lost everything my husband had a drinking prolbem and she only helped to make it worse. Years later she still lives in my home town and has worked to befriend all of my friends. She tells a sad story and they all fall for it. Mind you that she forgets that she had the affair for years knowing he was married. When will she ever go away and why does she pray on my friends.
18 September 2010 at 6:49 pm
Janet Widgill
MEN, who needs them… but we all love them. My husband BOB REDFERN of thirty years just deceided that he would go camping with SHARI? from Douglas Glen, in my trailer and my truck to SUMMERLAND B.C. How could she. Don’t know much about her, she is a widow and he has probably been seeing her for several months, in the afternoon because he dosn’t go out at nite… he is a complete alcoholic, probably she is to, needed someone to drink with, I don’t drink at all. Hope someone knows who she is and tells her to tell him to go home
19 September 2010 at 10:57 am
Janet Widgill
I was so happy to find this site last nite that I blabbed off re Robert Redfern and Cheri, Sherry, Shari, who knows. We have been married for 30 years, and she knows that he is in a relationship, and this isn’t the first time he’[s taken off with some widow, six months last time to the island, I took him back, now who is nuts. He is 72 years old and I love him to death, I am 63. I don’t know why women do this when they know that they are taken. I am worried sick about him for many reasons.
16 October 2010 at 5:07 am
amir namsi
my husband(Amir) and i have been married for 7 1/2 years and when I was recovering from a surgery (so we can have a baby!) he started talking to a woman(Ashley Lunsford) in our neighborhood who evidently has wrecked other marriages and is very promiscuous…he started saying he felt “different” and asked for “space” to figure out what was wrong…started saying I was “controlling and insecure”….then i found a number he had been calling when he would need “space”..called the number and him and he said it was a “married couple” who he has been talking to to help him with our marriage! then that witch had someone in her dentist office call me and say that her husband was talking to my husband about me being insecure and controlling!! this went on for a month, he moved out and i thought oh he needed his space and let him take my favorite furniture even though we will loose our house because he has his new life and wont help pay….he took my bank card to our business account saying he wanted to organize his life when he was buying her stuff, and she had the nerve to text me “oh did he buy you a tiffanys ring and a purse to go with it like he did me”…..then i found out that it was that woman and that she was bragging about sleeping with a married man like it was a trophy or something…it looks like she is the “insecure and controlling” one since she pursues married men and seeks to destroy marriages…
27 October 2010 at 7:34 am
trying to move on
The problem with men is they confuse being controlling with being responsible. They think the grass is greener on the other side. Eventually they wake up and realise that the woman that they leave their wives for are completely chaotic. And what once seemed exciting is actually quite pathetic. Almost as pathetic as their own insecure egos in which led them to stray in the first place.
8 November 2010 at 3:40 pm
Hmm Kkk
So, it has been almost 2 years since I found out about the 3 year long affair… and I still wish this bitch was dead. lol
Synapsis: Married for 24 years, 3 daughters (2 still minors at that time), stay at home mom for 17 of those years. To protect his privacy, I will just call him… dickhead. In any event, things were fine, normal, good. We have plenty of disposal income, nice house, nice vacations, ect.. He had a dream job that he enjoyed and we were very close to our children. As soon as the oldest got old enough to drink, that’s when all the problems began. He started “partying” with our daughter… drinking, smoking pot, ect. Listening to rap music (something new) and if I dared to object, I was ridiculed at least and threatened with divorce at worst.
I assumed it to be a mid-life crisis and tried to wait it out. He started hanging at the bar after work. On more than one occassion, he would drive home completely smashed. And the next thing I knew, he was accused of skimming funds at work for drug money. He denied this, of course. And in a show of righteous indignation, quit his job to “start his own company” or at least that’s what I was told. Being the naive little housewife, I trusted him to pull it all together. He insisted that we were fine financially.. even continued to spend like it was true. I believed him right up until I found out about … protecting it’s privacy as well… the 23 year old whore that he had been sleeping with for 2 years. Cocktail waitress at one of his bars! How cliche!
I discovered the affair thanks to a cell phone bill. Confronted him and he walked out. It was only then I knew the true position I was in. He hadn’t made a house payment in 8 months and we were in foreclosure. He hadn’t paid any of the utilities.. they were shut off in days. And the last job I had was when Bush sr. was president.
I sent my oldest daughter to live with her boyfriend. The younger 2 and I went sofa-hopping for a while as we flirted with homelessness. Finally, we landed at the Budget Suites when I was lucky enough to be offered a job unloading trucks on the 3rd shift. Yes, I filed for divorce… yes, I asked for child support as well as alimony. But as anyone who has been there can tell you, those particular justice wheels turn very slowly. Of course, the whore eventually dumped him. He was older than her father, for god’s sake… AND he had no money left. Had he even thought about asking me if he could return, his voice would have been overshadowed by my frequent chants about what kind of death I wished on him.
Fast-forward to today… I am in school.. working as a legal assistant and have a cute little house for me and my daughters. And I have met a very wonderful man who has restored my faith in humankind. Dickhead lives out of state… with relatives as he is such a loser, he cannot afford to both drink and support himself. No idea what happened to whore but I think it is safe to assume she is out stalking some other married old guy and telling herself it isn’t her problem if a wife can’t hold on to her husband. Telling herself she isn’t hurting anyone.
Fact is, whores like her cost children their families, their security and self esteem. My daughters are in therapy and probably will be for some time to come about what happened to them. They do not trust, they do not dream of getting married or even having a relationship. And they daily have to justify to themselves what their dad did to them just so they can still love him. I have said all I wanted to say to their father. He means nothing to me. Live or die, it’s all the same to me. But if I could say one thing to the whore… and those that are like her… I would ask “What did you win, exactly, at the cost of some innocent child’s peace of mind?” And then I would smile.. regardless of what her self=serving answer would be… because I believe in karma. Oh… and if there was a website where I could list the name of this particular homewrecker, I would do so… everyone should know exactly what she is.
Thanks for allowing the vent. lol
9 November 2010 at 3:31 pm
angelica
That is a great article. I recently found my jerk husband entertaining a home wrecker. They were going to rondevue at the hotel he was staying at for work. She was getting pretty desperate and upset because the means of communication just wasn’t working for her. She even suggested a prepaid fone. I ended up talking to her and she said genuinly they were just friends. I belived her. Till I read all the emails. They almost had me fooled. Wow thanks for explaining the home wrecker.
9 November 2010 at 3:40 pm
angelica
Also there are those who are having emotional affairs. They are equally as destructive as full blown affairs.
10 November 2010 at 12:52 pm
dropthatdimetoo
I know of someone that was/is a home-wrecker and denies all actions that were taken between her and the married man. She claims to be the “nice” person that told the innocent wife. She now blogs all over the internet about the wife in hopes she will feel better about what she did because I am sure her guilty conscious is eating at her. Shame on anyone that would stray in their marriage. It causes nothing but trouble. Ask Erica Spitulski of Modesto, CA…she was the home-wrecker in this situation.
27 November 2010 at 9:31 pm
AllTooTrue
Seems to me a happy home could not be wrecked by an outsider. Perhaps asking FRANCINE GRIEGO about homewrecking would be a good start. Blaming the pther woman is convenient – it takes any blame off the man and makes him the poor victim who was seduced away by the bad woman. Makes it easier to sleep next to him each night I suppose…
28 November 2010 at 6:38 pm
trying to move on
No, the men suck too. Sometimes men go out looking to cheat. Other times they are seduced. I think it is disrespectful for someone to knowingly seduce a man with a family. However, I don’t understand the man cheating either. A man should dislike someone who would want to hurt his family.
I guess it’s the fact that if homewreckers didn’t exist (I define a homewrecker as someone who is seeking out a man and goes out of her way to get him to cheat on his wife with her and will continue to seduce after they have been rejected) certain men would never cheat. They are both to blame, they both suck.
1 December 2010 at 2:06 am
Suckered
Married almost 18 years, together 19. 4 Children all together. Husband, cheated on me 5 years ago, then also cheated on the mistress as well. Who knows how many. I took him back as i am a firm believer in marriage and believed for better and worse and thought the affairs, along with him going through our savings and buy cars was just a midlife crises. Now 5 years later, and he is working out of state, he has other afairs (started out as Sex with who knows how many), i tried hard to forgive, but it kept getting harder and harder, then it was just one person. She claimed she did not know he was married and thought we were divorced, but when she found out the truth, she did not stop, and had the nerve on the day that i left to go to my brothers funeral, shows up and actually sleeps with my husband in our bed in our home, while our youngest 18 year son is down stairs. Then the man that i had a hard time getting to go on any family vacations or any events, has been going on rafting trips with this bitch, actually went to wisconson with her. I could not get a hold of him so i checked phone records and text and guess what she was the one that told me where he was. I filed for divorce. He calls me and begs me to take him back he will do what ever it takes. and I contined to believe the lies, it was hard, i had so much tied up with this man, our kids, our lives and my dreams which are now forever broken. I took him back again, this time it seemed liked he really left her. Then the cycle starte all over again, he even signed a marriage certificate, mailed her phone back to her that she had given to him. Then he actually accuses me of going out an having an affair with a co-worker as i had to get a ride home because i was drunk. So whats he do, he starts all over with her again. I forgave him over and over and then he acts he as to forgive me for something I did not even do. we are now divorced, but he calls me 2-3 times a day and sometimes almost everyday. He suckers me back in, but i am working on that, I am in Therapy, our kids are very upset with him and our youngest probably needs therapy as well. They are now leaving in a RV in a RV park. I just hope i sometime soon find out WHY i cant seem to get him out of my system. I will never have respect for this woman, yes it is mainly his fault and i cannot forgive him any longer, i have been too hurt, but she tried to play the innocent with me as well and is always trying to win sympathy from him and me. I could care less about her and i Have LESS respect for her as she told as many lies if not more than he did. She stated that if she had known he was married she would not have done this as her ex cheated on her all the time and she would not do this to another woman. Well guess what she did. I have no respect for any other woman that goes into a relationship knowing full well he was married (her daughter confirmed) and then has the gull to flaunt in front of our kids and then sleep in our bed with him. I truly hope that the old saying Karma will come back to them is true. I dont wish any harm on her physically, but i do know that he cheats and he will on her as well, in fact he already has when he came back home a couple weeks ago, something i know i should not have let happen, but 19 years with one man, it is hard for me to just stop loving and caring, i know it is not healthy and am trying to fix that. This may be all jumbled as i am writing with alot of passion and needed to get this out.
1 December 2010 at 5:51 am
Ashley
Ok, I did a Yahoo search on my boyfriend’s name and I found this website with his name on it! This is Ashley! I am not promiscuous! I am in love with a married man! I am committing adultery and I guess that is wrong, but I love him with all of my heart and soul!!!!!
1 December 2010 at 5:58 am
homewrecker
How does your boyfriend feel about your being in love with a married man?
1 December 2010 at 9:39 am
Ashley
[Let me add more from my comment above]
My boyfriend’s name is David and he is getting a divorce thank because he and his wife split up. He has 3 kids and he is getting full custody of them too. We live in California. Things happen.
His soon to be ex-wife is getting remarried to his cousin believe it or not! Yea, it is a real shocker for the whole family! So what can I say? I do not mind to be his kids’ step mom. I am not premiscuous by the way as I stated earlier.
Ashley
1 December 2010 at 9:43 am
Ashley
My boyfiend David can’t really do anything. His wife left him for his cousin. He got hurt really bad because of her and his cousin hooking up. The kids are the ones who suffer the most in a divorce. After reading a few of your stories, I am feeling bad, and I think I need to break things off with him. I do not know what to do. My ex boyfriend is trying to get back with me because he does not want me to be seeing a married man and I can see his point. I am confused.
1 December 2010 at 11:10 am
Hmm Kkk
Sorry, Ashley, I know you may be here looking for a little sympathy but you won’t get it from me. Love is a choice.. and it is one married people make daily. To insist you have no control over the emotion is immature and cheapens the meaning of the word.
While every human is unique, there are many in the world who’s personalities and traits are so similar, the differences are almost imperceptable. So, trying to convince anyone that this unavailable man is the only one for you is not only condescending to real women, but calls into question your own judgement.
Promiscuity, I don’t care about. Sleep with every available man in the world and you will hear no moral judgement from me. I believe in sexual freedom among available adults. However, when you choose to set your sites for someone else’s man, I feel nothing but contempt for you and your selfishness. I feel especially angry at your total disregard for the innocents in this situation; the children. You can pay all the lip service you want to “feeling sorry for the kids” but your actions say otherwise.
With regards to your “soulmate,” he is a loser. Any man that takes his promises so lightly and is willing to hurt his children for a piece of a$$ is not worthy of love. Maybe he leaves his wife because of you and maybe he doesn’t. Either way, you lose. Because you know what you get when you take a married man from his family? A cheater… what a prize.
Have a little self respect and show that you really do value other people by finding a man of your own instead of poaching one from another family. Knowing the pain your “boyfriend” went through and being willing to inflict that pain on someone else makes you look like something way worse than “promiscuous” so I would stop worrying about that if I were you.
1 December 2010 at 11:12 am
homewrecker
Ashley, just try being single for a while. You don’t need any of those people in your life. Ex boyfriends who want you back and married boyfriends with children and estranged wives engaged to cousins… I think most people, promiscuous or not, don’t live like that.
1 December 2010 at 11:41 am
Ashley
Homewrecker, I think you are right. I can not take this drama anymore! I am actually glad that I found this site. I think I will make the right decision and be single for a while. Things are not that good anyway the more that I think about it.=(
I am attending college to become a counsellor if you can believe that! LOL and look at the mess I am in! I need to focus on my college studies and just forget about men altogether!!! TOO MUCH DRAMA!!!!
My ex-bf is single at least. I dunno. I guess I bettter pray about it
and see what happens. Thanks for hearing me ramble. =) I feel alot better now.
1 December 2010 at 1:14 pm
Hmm Kkk
Not trying to be harsh, Ashley. But, it actually doesn’t surprise me that you are studying to be some sort of counselor. I have found that women with the most volitile mental issues need help so badly but are too stubborn to admit it instead seek to go into the field… perhaps in some misguided attempt to help themselves without anyone finding out what a basket case they really are.
The psycho bitch that aided my ex on destrying the lives of our children fancied herself a “counselor.” Went to school and everything. She was so confident in her “abilities” she was perfectly comfortable in diagnosing me to my children without ever having met me. This, of course, proves she does not have what it takes to be a counselor as no self-respecting mental health professional would ever do such a thing.
Thankfully, my children received REAL counselling afterwards. It did take a while to undo all of the damage this idiot had done, however. I predict she will be working in bars for a good long time to come.
1 December 2010 at 7:42 pm
trying to move on
Ashley, I’m confused. Did your boyfriend and you get together AFTER his wife already cheated on him and left him (maybe not legally but emotionally)? If this is the case I don’t think you did anything wrong. I might say to him “let’s take a break until the divorce is settled” just to avoid drama, if things are good. But you said things weren’t, so focusing on school, always a good thing:)
Hmm Kkk, Funny you said that though! The woman who tried to ruin my life was a counsellor of sorts, also quite educated. My husband told me her plan was to some day “fix herself.” To bad sociopaths can’t be fixed.
1 December 2010 at 8:25 pm
Hmm Kkk
lol And people wonder why so many are skeptical of “counseling.” My experience has left me with a great desire for “justice.” So, I chose law. lol
1 December 2010 at 8:29 pm
Hmm Kkk
As for Ashley.. I was of the belief she was the Ashley mentioned in amir namsi’s post from October. (Because she keeps bringing up the promiscuity references) If that is the case, her “story” is a bit different that the wife’s story.
3 December 2010 at 2:49 am
Ashley
The answer is AFTER. His wife left first for his cousin, but it does not really matter does it?
3 December 2010 at 2:58 am
Ashley
Hmmm kkk, no I am not that Ashley you are referring to.
3 December 2010 at 4:01 am
Ashley
Hmmm kkkk, I was joking around when I said that I am not primiscuous.
Anyway, have a good one. I gotta run.
3 December 2010 at 4:21 am
trying to move on
Well, Ashley I would not call you a homewrecker and I don’t think you did anything wrong. Good luck in what ever you reside to do.
3 December 2010 at 4:22 am
trying to move on
decide to do. lol
3 December 2010 at 5:14 am
Ashley
Hi trying to move on…you are very nice.
Thank you. Everyone deserves to have
happiness and love in this life.
Life is too short!
I am so sorry for everyone’s stories on here.
I wish you all the very best in life. I am in California.
Are any of you from my part of the country? Just wondering.
Take care everyone
3 December 2010 at 5:17 am
Ashley
Trying to move on…me saying “let’s take a break until the divorce is settled” sounds like a good idea. I am more focused on school. It is very important to me.
All counsellors are not saints that is for sure. They are just
like anyother person. I am so sorry to hear that happened to you.
4 December 2010 at 4:04 am
trying to move on
Ashley, as I’ve said in earlier posts I define a homewrecker as someone who meets a man with whom she is attracted to and either disregards the fact he’s married or even worse says to herself “even better a challenge” and pursues him anyway. From what you’ve described it sounds like the home was already broken.
If things are meant to be I hope things work out with your boyfriend. I’m glad to hear you are more focused on school. I never went to collage and wish I had.
I live very far from California by the way. Thank you for kind words. And you are right everyone deserves happiness and love. I’m still working on mine. But I’m positive with time and communication I’ll be there again. Good luck.
15 December 2010 at 1:55 pm
Ashley
Hi trying to move on,
You are exactly right. I wish you the very best and also to everyone on here who posted. =)
2 January 2011 at 6:15 am
Andrea
Yes, expose these Homewreckers.
17 January 2011 at 3:17 am
WHAT WOULD YOU DO????
WHAT WOULD YOU DO if you saw your cheatin’ husband out with his new girl friend while you are still his wife, but you and him are separated and not yet divorced?
A. Leave them alone
B. Ask to speak to your husband privately–after all you are still “the wife”
C. Chat with them both and laugh like it does not matter to you that they are together now
D. Flirt with other guys in front of your husband to make him jealous
E. fill in your own answer in the comments below
So what is the best thing to do or is it different for each woman
going through this horrible hot mess? I appreciate your comments and advice!!!
8 February 2011 at 12:30 pm
WHAT WOULD YOU DO????
Ok everyone! Let me hear what you have to say about this please!
WHAT WOULD YOU DO if you saw your cheatin’ husband out with his new girl friend while you are still his wife, but you and him are separated and not yet divorced?
(You can pick more than 1 answer!)
A. Leave them alone
B. Ask to speak to your husband privately–after all you are still “the wife”
C. Chat with them both and laugh like it does not matter to you that they are together now
D. Flirt with other guys in front of your husband to make him jealous
E. Take a picture of them with your cell phone to show your friends on Facebook who you unfortunately ran into
E. fill in your own answer in the comments below
So what is the best thing to do or is it different for each woman
going through this horrible hot mess? I appreciate your comments and advice!!!
8 February 2011 at 12:31 pm
WHAT WOULD YOU DO????
(Continued from post above! Ooops sorry!)
It should be the letter “F” for the last one!
F. fill in your own answer in the comments below
Ok, so let’s hear what you have to say!
You can pick more than 1 answer!
10 February 2011 at 12:37 pm
Doubting Tara
The questions should be…
Why are you personally involved in a “hot mess”? Why are you seeking answers for a specific situation when others may not have the same experience as you.
Fill in your answer: Why are you seeking answers and for what purpose?
I never encountered a married woman that would refer to a tragic affair as a “hot mess”. Only a poacher would try to add text story passion to a situation that causes family devastation.
If you’re looking for a blissful relationship with a married man; you can forget it, its not going to happen.
Now let’s hear what you have to say, OK?
10 February 2011 at 12:53 pm
Doubting Tara
I believe in KARMA. I know a few women that have faced terrible circumstances in their lives after carrying on with a “married man.”
One homewrecker had ovarian cancer, another was beaten up by her new boyfriend, another had money stolen from her by a con-artist and another brought a fatherless child into the world under diress. KARMA.
I don’t believe all homewreckers are terrible people. I believe their choices are wrong. Unfortunately, most homewreckers continue to make unhealthy choices because of a pyschological defect or character flaw within their souls. Some homewreckers also lack self-esteem and self-respect.
26 February 2011 at 2:51 pm
Maggie
You know, homewreckers have a special place in hell. They trespass on other women’s lives with no concern for the consequences. They have no understanding of marriage and what it is to establish a long term love affair with another person. Our homewrecker wannabe was an old maid in her mid 60s who came after my husband via email. It was a pitiful attempt and we laugh about it but she, deluded as she was, was serious. She used to work for him 15 years ago, starting emailing him, declaring love and making silly teenage sexual come ons. It was a joke. But, still, it was a trespass on my marriage and I resent it. My husband and I have been married a long time and we’ve had a superior marriage. This idiotic woman was a nothing to us. But reading about homewreckers I can appreciate the devious, evil intent of these women and I must say I have nothing but disdain for them.
1 March 2011 at 12:23 pm
Doubting Tara
Ditto Maggie
10 March 2011 at 11:05 am
Wondering in NY
Hmmm, nice question WHAT WOULD YOU DO.
This has never happened to me, but if it did,
I think I would pick B.
B. Ask to speak to your husband privately–after all you are still “the wife”
What would any of you do and have any of you
ever been in that situation before in real life?
24 March 2011 at 4:44 pm
Sue
Anna Barnette is a homewrecker.
25 March 2011 at 6:39 pm
Leanne
Jen, I blame the other women in my husbands love affair almost as much as I did him. They both betrayed me because they both acted as if I and my son didn’t exsist when they both knew we did. They both affected our lives dramatically as I divorced him. The only difference is the other women doesn’t care, so so cold hearted, she had nothing to loose. I felt discusted in my husbands selfish act and I felt personally attacked by the other women that knew he was married.
25 March 2011 at 7:04 pm
Leanne
By the way message to “Homewrecker” relationships comes to a typical developmental stage where both parties don’t feel like being a whore in the bedroom as thrush and bladder infections are something you get sick of when having to much sex – and other little things like football and reading a book are more interesting.
Relationships don’t stay passionate and full of sex 24/7 forever, it’s unrealistic. You obviously haven’t been in a real relationship that has got to this stage. Life is no about living in the moment and getting high of sex. That’s one commen thing these homewreckers have, they think Lust, and passion and seeking the thrill is love. These feelings are all fleeting and do not last. There was once apoun a time when most of the women who were cheated on by there partner was also a whore in the bedroom at first.
28 March 2011 at 7:06 pm
Susan Harmon stole my best friend's husband
Susan Harmon stole my best friend’s husband well over 10 or more years ago and it is hard to get over. I wanted my best friend and her husband to stay together, but they did not. I was never able to get used to seeing Susan with Tim and I still can’t to this day, but I pretend to not let it bother me. I just had to get this off of my chest. Thanks girls.
From West Virginia / WV Gal 40 and Holdin’
10 April 2011 at 3:35 pm
Shawn Kuhn
I am having an affair with a married man. He promise to leave his wife for me, should I believe him.
19 April 2011 at 7:36 pm
jesica
Need some advice. While deployed my husband cheated. He says he’s not happy and does not want to be married anymore. Right now he is in Texas with family getting advice. How am I supposed to deal with this? I found out earlier from his step mom that he told his dad that he is not going to pursue the relationship but he still calls and texts her.
20 April 2011 at 4:50 pm
mugs
I want to applaud all the women who are using this site to out the home wreckers in their lives. Women who try to break up a marriage are the junk of the earth and need to be held accountable for what they do. I despise them. They are the lowest of the low and they should be outed in every way possible. If they have husbands or boyfriends, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, neighbors and coworkers, then out them. Let people know who they are.
22 April 2011 at 3:27 pm
lora
No, Shawn, he will not leave his wife for you. He will say whatever he has to to get you in the sack, but he will not leave his wife for you. And why would you want him to? If he cheats on that woman, he’ll cheat on you. Maybe he already is.
Jesica, you should take your husband to marriage counseling and see if you can work this out. Deployment does funny things to guys’ minds. Give counseling a try. It might work for you. Good luck
10 May 2011 at 10:27 am
c
I am having a hard time reading this. My husband is having an affair with someone who does not even live in our state. And he now seems to feel that he needs to be free and willing to destroy our marriage for this other woman. I have confronted Dr Lissette Gutierrez Vazquez and she continues to pursue my husband. She has no morals. She claims that she is divorced however my husband claims she is married. She is a doctor and is suppose to help people not destroy people. She is using my husband and is a gold digger. She has a son, is this the way to raise a child? To raise him to chaet on his wife? People need to respect marriages today, not only marriages but committed relationships. If someone is spoken for walk away.
24 May 2011 at 7:11 am
c
How does a person go after a man that is married? Knowingly? How do you have self respect or morals knowing that you are helping to destroy a marriage and a family. My husband is to blame as well however there is no way for us to work on our marriage if this woman will not give us the space or time to do so. And what I do not get is that she treats him like shit and I treat him like gold.
28 May 2011 at 7:04 pm
trying to move on
c I have come to the conclusion men like being treated like shit. I treat my husband like gold and all the homewrecker did was mess with his head. after almost two years I still can’t truely forgive him or the bitch. I don’t feel my husband has made enough effort to make things up to me. The little things that he does that annoy me, those of which I used to just ignore because I loved him and it wasn’t worth making a big deal about, now enrage me. She ruined our relationship I don’t even know if it will last now. As cruel as this sounds I hope some day someone puts her through what she put me through, I just wish I was there to laugh in her face when it does.
29 May 2011 at 3:51 pm
maggie
I’m sorry you’ve had a home wrecker come into your life and your marriage. I find home wreckers to be absolutely despicable. If she’s married, you should out her to her husband. Have you had her investigated? She may not be who she claims to be to your husband. Some times facts are quite handy to have. I had a woman come after my husband via email. Didn’t work but still I was insulted and horrified that such a cretin would dare try to enter my marriage. I had her investigated and it lightened my mood considerably to see what she really was.
13 June 2011 at 2:02 am
Two sides
The saying applies. “It takes two to tango”.
I have experienced both sides of this. The home wrecking side I am ashamed and was never proud of. And I suppose karma bit me in the ass and served me a nice entree of home wreckers for my own relationships.
I can say from my own experience that home wreckers (at least from my perspective) go more for the challenge than the emotional aspect of it all. I didn’t find out the man I was talking to was taken until we were very far in….still, I could have turned away and left, but instead, it triggered a somewhat primal (and immoral) side of me that wanted the challenge. It was almost an ego booster and no, I didn’t have issues with insecurities or had issues with past relationships that devastated my mental state of mind….I did it simply for the game of it. I made this mistake once. I only went too far with this man once, one day. And I vowed that I would never EVER EVER do it again. I couldn’t stand knowing I hurt someone else. That I was selfish enough to completely disregard another’s feelings just to satisfy my own. So for the people who completely bash a woman who makes foolish mistakes like this, know that not all of us are monsters. Please know that there are women out there who feel completely terrible for making a decision such as this. That not all become chronic home wreckers. That not all women who make these mistakes are completely immoral….just stupid at times.
From being effected by home wreckers themselves I can say this…. chronic home wreckers (people who go on with these relationships for an extended period of time and/or consistently find a new relationship to break) are seeking what they are missing. They completely ignore any moral values they once had in order to get what they want. I had a home wrecker get in between my significant other and I while she was going through an unhappy marriage (she is now going through the divorce). Instead of simply divorcing her husband she tried to fill in that void from her marriage with my guy. He was committed (at the time), he seemed caring, he seemed adoring of his significant other (who was me) and she wanted that. She wanted him to replace her husband and treat her how well he was treating me. I also had another girl who simply wanted him to be her boyfriend. He was charming and handsome. She was lonesome and attracted. She wanted him simply to be able to tote him around her arm and say “look what I caught, he chose me over her”. Btw, I’d just like to say neither of these women ended up with that guy.
Still, with that being said don’t just blame the man/woman for barging into your relationship. Yes, I agree, they should leave people in relationships alone. Why? Simply because it’s respectful and as human beings, we should value respect a little more between each other. BUT YOU SHOULD ALSO, blame your significant other as well. At the end of the day it is them who should know better. If they truly respect you and value your relationship then it doesn’t matter who tries to sway them away, because they’ll deny them knowing they have someone worth staying faithful to…you.
Know your value and your worth. Don’t ever settle for someone who’s not willing to cherish the love you both share. Don’t ever allow someone to make you feel as if they are the best it will ever get for you. Don’t ever make the mistake of blaming yourself for what they did. If they wanted to act single then they need to get out of a relationship. They’re an adult, not six, what they need to do is grow up, assume responsibility and take the proper course of action for themselves.
26 June 2011 at 4:58 am
Muffy
I agree with everything you said but the part where you think homewreckers ever had any moral values. People with moral values don’t “lose” them. The issue with homewreckers is that they have none and never did. Stupid, they may be, but they are also conniving, dishonest, and without regard to anyone but their own low ordered selves. I’m not here to insult you, but homewreckers are who they are and they are trash.
18 July 2011 at 12:34 am
Sarah mehan
Leanne,
Well said! My husband cheated also, the girl was a massive headcase homewrecker who went out if her way to distroy our marriage and family. She can have him!!! He ain’t no shining apple. Homewrecker had now ended up with a man who cheats on his wife. She made him belive that I should worship the ground he walked on. Let’s see if she will worship the ground he walks on after ten years when she gets to see all the flaws and warts and al
18 July 2011 at 11:14 am
Anonymous
My story goes like this…….
I found out my husband was cheating on me, confronted the homewrecker (who is married also)and she was a coward and could not answer the simple question as to how she knew my husband. This whack job now had my number and kept calling me to apologize and ‘talk.’ My husband played the coward for awhile until I told him it was over and most of my questions were answered by him. Though, this homewrecker never went away, having her family involved now, they are calling, e-mailing me and sending mail via U.S Postal service! At this point I am riding the emotional rollercoaster, and a friend who wanted to put a smile on my face, started a blog. Though I had my problems with posting it, I thought, she gets what she deserves, people need to know what this woman did to me and my children! I was threatened by this whack job and her family that I was now going to jail for playing ‘news reporter’ via internet! She was embarrassed by the blog-oh well. Her sisters are now threatening me, calling me, contacting me via social internet sites. Why???? Because they were not happy there sisters bad choices in life were all over the internet for the world to see-tough shit! You get what you deserve! Her next step was to serve me with an order of protection, and claiming I am stalking her. I found this amusing! A couple of court dates and BAM it’s over……Why beacuse Jeanela did not want her dirty laundry aired. She should have thought about that before she ever contacted my husband! Judge says to her attorney I never want to see her in my courtroom again with such non-sense!! Not to mention the lies she told to get the order of protection……what psychotic moron plays this kind of game after sleeping with my husband and ruining my marriage? As of today, I am DONE with my husband and am moving on with my life!! Life is good! As for the homewrecker-her name is Jeanella Regalado, and I can only hope this all comes back at her full circle!!
18 July 2011 at 12:27 pm
ANONYMOUS
You, know. I agree with a lot of your comments, but I have to tell you that when my husband did this to me. My world just stopped. It took months of pretty much being catatonic before I could act. You know what I did. I wrote a letter…but not to her. To her family. And I looked up everyone with the same surname in our city, and I mailed them the letter (which detailed every single detail that I knew to be fact – she was stupid enough to admit to all of it, and so was he). Eventually, members of her family would read what she was.The way I figured it – if my entire family had to feel this pain, then so should hers, right?
Then I wrote into a blog (homewreckersandharlots.com and asked them to post my story, too). You guys should look this site up.
I’m healing – but I have to say that a huge part of me enjoys the fact that her family knows what she is, and will always know what’s she’s done. I have to put this behind me, but I can sleep better knowing she can’t just pretend she’s not that whore.
18 July 2011 at 12:39 pm
Anonymous
Sorry, I meant to say congrats to strong woman who also put her homewrecker’s business right out there for the world to see. I love it! I believe that has to be one of the best, permanent ways to deal with their egos. Ask the world to weigh in. The truth hurts…My homewrecker called the cops on me too, when her family members started receiving the letters.I had referenced the homewreckerandharlots site in the letter so they were able to confirm that I was speaking about the same Melanie Broadbent. But I hadn’t broken the law. Every word of this sick twisted story was true. I will always be able to hold my head up high. I’m gorgeous, and strong and my sons will never hear anyone call their mother a whore.
Her reality is very different and her insecurities and my ex husband’s are NOT my problem anymore.
18 July 2011 at 2:17 pm
Anonymous
Thanks for commenting Anonymous and Kudos to you~
Oh, trust me my world stopped and it took quite sometime for me to realize I was not the guilty party but the victim! I have no guilt for what I did. Her guilt is from the internet airing her dirty laundry and that was what she didn’t like. Blogs, posting on hotel sites that they spent time at, both of them were humiliated! I felt it was a great way to start healing for me and giving them just a pinch of the hurt they caused me! The law was NOT broken on this end either-all written was truth-with no threat or bodily harm.
The homewrecker on the other hand told her family and that is when my problems started via harrassment. They saw me as the problem-go figure-how secure are they in life? I do not nor did I EVER ask for all this drama in my life! I am the innocent victim! She slept with my man and she was a married woman! It has taken me months to get this point and I can only hope she and her FAMILY go through a life time of hell for what they did……are lessons ever learned from these home wrecking whores?? Do they keep doing it in life or do they eventually stop when they find there insecurities in life?
19 July 2011 at 8:07 am
Anonymous
I have to believe that they will hurt for a long time, otherwise this place doesn’t make much sense. The homewrecker in my case is extremely promiscuous, (sleeping her way through baseball teams), groups of friends, etc. She claims she was never with anyone involved in a relationship until she was with my husband. I don’t believe her. I do know that her family had no idea she was this much of a skank – and so now that they do, I’m sure she might wait a beat before she does another woman’s boyfriend or husband. She believes that she can have whatever she wants with no regard to who may get hurt. Her views on spreading her legs are VERY different from ours…so this was easy for her, as long as she didn’t get caught. And then when she did, it was still ok for her as long as I looked stupid and naive and she felt like she had trumped me – taken what was mine. It was all ok, as long as she didn’t have to face what she had really done. As long as she didn’t have to take full accountability. Now she has no choice, and whatever she does, or wherever she goes – her family knows where her morals are…her family and all of her former friends, and a few hundred random Broadbents around the province- that may not even be related to her. Sometimes, I think when a person refuses to feel shame – you may have slap them in the face with it. Force the accountability. I was and still am a beautiful woman, a fantastic mother. I have an excellent career with a bright future. My husband won the lottery when he caught me – and like anything you get for almost free – you don’t appreciate it, until it’s gone. She wanted what I had, and now she’s paying the price. They both are.
19 July 2011 at 11:14 am
Anonymous
His loss not yours……..I am assuming you are no longer together with your husband and he chose the homewrecker. It is not a matter of being beautiful, a good job, great mother. What it is about is morals. There are lines you DO NOT cross. Homewrecking, cheating being one of them! I was told not too long ago that healing is a seperate journey, for you, her and him! I truly believe this. Know that your husband HAD the best and he made terrible choices, and though you may not see it immediately, he will get his in the long run, so will the homewrecker. I know personally for as hard as this journey has been and how awful it was it has made me a better person! YES ME!! Do you think the homewrecker AND the cheater ever heal and learn from what they did?
19 July 2011 at 12:16 pm
Anonymous
I agree. It is about morals, of which they both showed a complete lack of. I know it sounds cliche, but in my journey – I went through phases where I thought maybe I wasn’t enough (Pretty, sexy, strong, fun…just not enough). I know now that’s just not the case, and that this was not a result of something I did or didn’t do. This was why I mentioned that I’m not a dog.
In my depression, I was also failing to stand up for my boys when they were suffering too, and so I felt like a failure as a mother. I have worked hard to get to where I am as a professional and she sits on Welfare raising her 8 year old son. It was hard for me not to draw comparisons. I am in a much better place now, and if anything I’m just that much more angry that I let the two of them take me to that dark place. I don’t think enough people really understand what infidelity does to a person. I don’t think anyone can truly understand unless it happens to them.
No, he didn’t choose the homewrecker. He’s on his own – his family has disowned him, I’m disgusted with him and our sons are still coping with the changes. It’s a sad time,to be honest. It’s one foot in front of the other.
I don’t know if she’ll ever heal — her motto is typically if something is wrong in her life – it’s someone else’s fault. Ex: I can’t get a job because the market sucks right now, so I’ll just collect a check for 8 years until someone hands me a job..or if you didn’t tell your friend that I wasn’t a quality woman, I wouldn’t have moved on from him to F*ck your husband, or please take me down from that homewrecker site because I’m entitled to lawful enjoyment of my life. !?!?!?! — never any thought that I was entitled to what was supposed to be just mine, too. I don’t know if she’ll ever learn….I don’t think she ever had the morals in th first place. I don’t think someone who ever truly knew the difference between right and wrong, or placed any value in another human’s emotional, physical and mental well being – could ever throw that all away for 5 minutes of bliss.
I do know that my husband can try to move on from this, but I was the breadwinner, and our life was good. He’ll have a long hard raod ahead of him if he hopes to find someone who can share that life with him again. He’s lost a lot of friends — because you see, at least one of them thought he was sleeping with Melanie exclusively at the same time. __(she is a real class act, let me tell you). So, even if my husband tries to heal and move on – his children and I are a constant reminder of the consequences of such terrible choices. I’m all about accountability.
If I was a man and I slept with another man’s wife — I’d expect the damn beat down I deserve. Why is it that women don’t expect the same thing? So – I didn’t touch her. But as soon as I could hold my head up and open my eyes again – I forced her to take accountability.
19 July 2011 at 12:54 pm
Anonymous
Again this journey is about YOU and you only! Don’t worry about her and him! Focus on you and the children! They both got what they deserved and how ironic that they did not end up together. What was the cause of that, did the homewrecker decide once you didn’t want him, neither did she? The journey, which is an emotional rollercoaster ride, includes depresiion and I agree, you look at yourself as the ugly duckling, it’s coming out of that deep dark hole when you see the light that all starts to fall into place again! The homewrecker is NOT worth your time and effort. Don’t worry about her or what she is doing or sleeping with.
Now, about your children-as they see you getting stronger, they will too! Think about taking them to counseling to work this out. Kids are stronger than we think. My only question is-do they know the truth? I ask this because chilren do not need to take on adult problems. All they really ask for is to be loved. They know when things are wrong, they can tell when mom isn’t herself, that is why I tell you as you get stronger so will they.
As far as your husband goes…….I would not worry about him either! He now can sulk in his little lonely world (that he created) and think about how to change! The more he sees you getting better from all of this, the more he will see his mistake and he too will get his!
I agree about the beating! That is why I allowed the internet take over and humiliate BOTH of them! I even went on my x’s fantasy baseball team, privately e-mailed his group, (which are all friends) and told them I have a lil di*k and can’t keep it in my pants. I am a lying son of a bitc* , cheated on my wife with her name and I need help, would someone reach out and hlep me! Boy, did he get calls! It was great!!
Have you gone to any counseling in regards to this? I am able to take fault (partially) in my husbands affair! Why? Because I was in a place I shouldn’t have been in our marriage. The less he was at home, the better I felt. Sure, my gut instinct told me he was up to something but my problems kept me from talking to him, loving him and he swayed from the marriage. It was when the gut instinct was confirmed I had a whole other matter of problems to deal with! I feel not one of us are perfect, we do not live in glass houses, we all have problems and in mine if my husband could have been there for me, things could have been different. But it is with this, that I am learning my mistakes and am bettering myself for when the next man comes along! It has not been fun and or easy by any means, but as I see the light, I know I am getting better and stronger.
Please stop being so concerned about your homewrecker, you are better than that. Mine wanted me to accept an apology from her. I don’t owe her that nor do I ever for what she put me through. She is not worth it-trust me! She has her own set of problems and has to learn to better herself and stop putting herself in the same situations! Never will she be a friend!! The farther she stays away from my life and his the better off we all are!
7 August 2011 at 12:33 pm
Aphrodite
Married women, it’s not worth it! Homewreckers are litmus tests! In some twisted way (that I’ll explain) they are doing you a tremendous favor and don’t know it! If your husband cheats on you with her not once but twice or more AND starts acting hostile toward you (abusing you not just physically, but verbally too), then you know it’s time to collect what’s left of your dignity (and everything else) and leave him with the homewrecker.
I say this because I’m reminded of a man on Wicked Attraction–a jerk named Michael Dally. Watch that episode and you’ll understand. A guy like Michael Dally acts like a perfect husband but he’ll go downhill from there…
8 August 2011 at 10:31 pm
Anonymous
Zeny Durano is a fake lying homewrecking slut who sleeps with whoever shows her 2 minutes of attention. This pathetic slut has no respect for other peoples relationship and will use whatever lies she can to try to get what she wants from people that dont want her for anything more than a quick #$%@. Beware. keep your man away
23 August 2011 at 10:45 am
anonymous
that’s ERICA NOCITA. “Hide yo kids, Hide yo wife, and your husbands too.” this PSYCHO BITCH is on the loose.
3 September 2011 at 9:05 am
clair
I’m glad to see the home wreckers being publicly outed. If they are willing to intrude into someone else’s home and relationship, then they should be willing to take the consequences of everyone knowing just what scumbags they are. I believe in outing them to the fullest extent. As long as what you say is true, you are free to call them out by name for what they have done to your marriage and family. There should be no pity shown them. They deliberately decided to attempt to destroy your life and whether the succeeded or not is beside the point. Out them. Scorched earth is what they deserve.
16 September 2011 at 8:48 pm
tara hoskins
KARMA!
19 September 2011 at 8:42 am
Homewrecked by the Village Bicycle
homewreckersandharlots.com
The truth hurts; but it WILL set your heart free.
19 September 2011 at 2:56 pm
hodge leong
The only truth here is that guys take whatever comes FREE. For the sand hoes, married men rarely leave their wives for your wrinkly,old asses. What makes you think they’re telling you the truth?. Both females get played while the guy’s ego isn’t the only thing that swells. My 2 cent advice : GET A LIFE & FIND A MAN WHO DOESN”T BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE!
20 September 2011 at 5:49 am
Hmmm Kkkk
Aphrodite, with all due respect, it is not always the case that what you have lost to a homewrecker’s machinations was not worth having. I was married to a good man for more than 20 years. Economic woes had shaken his confidence and approaching 50 didn’t help matters much. We had weathered storms before and would have done so again had Genevieve Minter not convinced him that he was unhappy because he was married. 25 years his junior, she held the allure of youth and starting out fresh. What she doesn’t realize is that he would have never left me for her. Had I not found them out, she would have remained just the bar whore without enough self respect or confidence to find her own man. I knew my limitations and knew I would never be able to fully forgive his betrayal. I was the one who filed for divorce. He didn’t fight it because he saw this as a way to walk away from all of it; the financial woes, the responsibility for the children, ect. (He was wrong on that count, needless to say.)
The fact is, that whore of a child took a good man who had been made weak and destroyed him altogether. He is no longer a “good man” and never will be again. He complains of being “lonely,” since the whore was only looking for money and he no longer has any. And he certainly isn’t any happier than he was before. In fact, I would say he is less happy as he has no one to share his burdens with.
I judge her for ruining a “good man” regardless of what part he played. I offer him no pity, certainly, but she used him to finance her college education and when he couldn’t any longer, she dumped him. This judgement is separate from the responsibility she has for attempting to ruin my life and that of my children. She didn’t know us. That had to make it easier for her to carry on with complete disregard. But she knew him, she looked him in the eye while she dismantled his life for her own gain. That makes her more culpable.
It may take “two to tango” but it only takes one to start the music.
20 September 2011 at 12:00 pm
Daryl
What makes a woman continue to pursue a “taken” man after finding out he’s been lying 2 her? Guys say they’re separated all the time… which usually means they aren’t w/ their significant other that precise moment. Clintonian shit.
Good guys get passed over 4 these 2-timin’ losers who lie 2 get free sex from anybody willing to put out. What happened to self respect? Are they so desperate to get laid that they can live w/ the pain that they r causing others? OR, can’t they land a single guy so they settle for another’s sloppy seconds?
20 September 2011 at 5:02 pm
zelda
Some have no regard for those who are on the other end of these situations. My husband is a weak man looking for a mid-ife thrill. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. He makes love to me…not cheap sex,spends every holiday w/ my family, buys me nice things, has taken me around the globe too. He has confessed to cheating in the past & says how sorry he is,
He says he feels sorry for the bar whores who come on to him so he denies me to give them hope. One fell for it & had the gall to call me. She actually believes they have something. My husband disdains children & would never raise anyone else’s child much less his own. Yet, this tart insists they “never meant for it to happen” while he laughs & calls her a complete zero.
He has never asked for a divorce much less a separation because he admits I am the best thing for him. How does one put an end to this senseless battle w/o calling it quits?
20 September 2011 at 5:23 pm
ichicoo
You know what I think by watching these trixies, they have low self esteem and its like a game to them. If the man chooses them over the wife, significant other, it makes them feel good, then when they get it they drop the guy. ITs all about their feeling of skewed self worth.
I dont think its anything personal toward the wife.
ON the other hand if they are calling you, it gets little more personal.
A married female.
21 September 2011 at 6:43 am
Hmmm Kkkk
Zelda,
Why wouldn’t you want to call it quits? Your husband may very well love you. But it is quite clear that he doesn’t respect you. Love without respect is a very fragile balloon. Seems kinda solid on the outside but inside there’s nothing. I don’t doubt that your husband hasn’t asked for a separation or divorce. I mean, why would he? You will pretty much let him do whatever he wants without consequence. I am sure he does feel you are “best” for him. Not every women would put up with that crap. I sure wouldn’t. Your husband claims of altruism for these “poor” bar whores is laughable. Does he also pity childless couples enough to claim his own parents are dead?
I suspect deep down you know you deserved better than this, otherwise, why would you be on the internet searching for sites about cheaters and homewreckers? I hope one day soon you will draw the line in the sand that needs to be drawn. Additionally, I hope you will be willing to stick to your guns when that line is crossed for your own self worth. Your husband sounds as if he “disdains” more than children. Specifically, he disdains you and the solemn oath that the two of you took to “forsake all others.” If you want proof that he doesn’t believe half the shit he is trying to get you to believe, try going out to bars and denying HIM and pick yourself out a man looking to get lucky. I will bet he won’t really believe the action is as charitable to those lonely men.
You deserve better, dear. And while it might not seems so now, your self worth is far more valuable than any expensive gift or global holiday can ever be.
21 September 2011 at 7:04 am
Hmmm Kkkk
Daryl, count your blessings if you are a “good guy” who has been passed over by one of these women in favor of a married man. It is obvious that these women do not respect relationship boundaries. If you did manage to snag one, what makes you think she would respect that relationship boundary? Instead of looking for the sawdust and glitter that these women temporarily have, find a woman of substance to pursue. They are easy to find as they will be the ones NOT poaching another’s man, so you won’t have to compete with faithless rakes for her attention.
21 September 2011 at 4:53 pm
Raheem
HMMMM…..My best friend is married to a big hollow tree. He glows on paper but is empty & cold inside. Gay as i am, i would have made a better husband to her. Would love to out this person along w/ the cheap slut he’s been keeping on the side. However,my friend would never forgive me. She loves the bastard, is devoted in every way & has no intention of letting go. He comes & goes as he pleases while she struggles with illness on top of heartache. When he is around, she has the will to live, smiles & acts as if all is perfect. When he disappears, she falls apart & is entirely inconsolable. Her situation is critical, but he is too selfish to see it. What more can I do but tell her she doesn’t need him?
22 September 2011 at 6:30 am
Hmmm Kkkk
Raheem,
In my opinion, you are doing the best thing you can by simply being her friend. While it is difficult to watch someone you love go through so much heartache and pain – and it is tempting to try to destroy that person that is causing that heartache – there is really little more you can do but be there for her. I am sure deep down she knows exactly what her “beloved” is but simply doesn’t have the strength to face it. Perhaps through your support, she will find that strength.
If you are sure she has no idea about his extracurricular activities, there are anonymous ways to “out” people; emails or texts from unknown addresses, an unaddressed letter in the mailbox, ect. I will be devasting for her and she will need you more than ever should it come to that. Straight or gay, all it really takes to be a wonderful husband is love and respect. The sex, while an integral part, is simply a byproduct of that love and respect.
Good luck to you and your friend and I do hope you will keep us posted.
22 September 2011 at 4:34 pm
Raheem
Hmmmm,
Thanks 4 the sound & caring advice. My lover & she are downstairs right now drinking Miller Lights while i took a sec 2 see if u had responded. Her hubby is in absentia yet again this evening so we babysit the best we can. Seh needs to come to grips with the fact that he’s a cheat & will always be a cheat. Leopards don’t change their spots nor will he. His new interest can deal w/ his lies, betrayals & false promises while she mends & starts her life over. Nobody will support his sorry ass when they find out what a fraud he is. She has done so long enough.
23 September 2011 at 2:48 pm
Dottie
The love of my life also let me down. He fell for a low life who convinced him the grass was greener w/ her. Now, he lives in misery and with loads of regret.
She has him running around playing Daddy to her children instead of their pre-wedding romps. Now, his time is spent running her kids around along with the same every day stuff he complained about here . He says “It’s not fun anymore!” Too bad; so sad.
He calls me to apologize every chance he gets asking forgiveness and whether I would ever take him back. YEA, RIGHT! Wonder if his replacement knows he’s this unhappy.
She convinced him to adopt her kids so he’s stuck one way or the other. However, it’s only a question of time before the cycle repeats itself. Wonder if her heart will break as mine did when I heard the news of his infidelity. Seriously doubt it The only reason I give a damn is cause I still have love in my heart for him. He has made his bed and cannot turn back now. Holding my head up high here while still mourning the loss of an otherwise good man. Hope she’s happy for ruining his life.
25 September 2011 at 3:08 pm
Hmmm kkkkk
Raheen,
I am so sorry to hear that your friend is once again having to deal with the lout that is her husband. I am sure she is grateful for the friendship offered by you and your partner. I do hope that this time, she made truly decide she has “done so long enough” as life is too short to deal with repeated faithlessness. I wonder if, because of her illness, she doesn’t worry that no one else will want her? That is a poisonous mindset when trying to garner the courage to leave a bad situation. It is so easy for women to tell themselves they are “too fat,” “too old,” “too sick,” “too poor,” ect… to demand any better than one they have. It is scary to take the leap to find out if they are right or wrong on that score.
I hope one day your friend understands that she already has someone she can depend on, someone who can always be there no matter what; herself. It is amazing how desirable a women becomes to other men once they reach a security level within themselves. Additionally, it sounds as if she has great friends.
I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers to whatever diety offers the greatest opportunity to listen. 
Meanwhile, I do believe in karma.. it may not be soon, or even in this lifetime, but evetually everyone gets exactly what they deserve. All the best to you all.
25 September 2011 at 3:13 pm
Hmmm kkkkk
Dottie, I do hope you remain strong and firm in your convictions.
It is so easy to remember the past through a haze and convince yourself it wasn’t that bad. There are days when I miss my old family life so bad, it hurts. I can almost convince myself that I could forgive him and we could be a family again. My mom, who has gone through this herself, told me this is absolutely normal. What I have learned however, is that it isn’t about forgiveness. It is about remembering what that person is capable of and refusing to subject yourself to it. Your ex sounds as if he hasn’t changed at all… only you are the “grass is greener” person this time. He is obviously still a cheat for attempting to reconcile with you while planning his wedding with the homewrecker… some prize.
15 October 2011 at 3:01 pm
Mikey
Somebody help me. How do you expose/shame a person into leaving your spouse alone when politely asking/begging et al hasn’t worked? This person sends disgusting pix of “itself” to my spouse with vulgar language to entice. Do not wish to lower myself to outing both of them, but am at wit’s end.
17 October 2011 at 10:32 am
Homewrecked by the Village Bicycle
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I understand your need to shame/out the pathetic life form.
You can always do what I did — I wrote a heartfelt (but absolutely truthful) letter to the homewrecker’s family. Then I mailed it to everyone with her surname in our area that I could find a listed address for.
I made sure I only told the truth — that way I couldn’t be charged with anything (it’s not defamation of character, slander or libel if it’s true, you see?
My objective was attained. Of the 300 or letters I mailed, I know for a fact that her grandfather, siblings and parents received the letters…and a few other family members must have. Even if some people were not related to her, I had apologized in the letter to those people that didn’t know her and let them know that I only sent the letter out of immense pain.
The shame she wouldn’t feel was forced on her when her family was told what she was up to.
I sleep a little better, now.
17 October 2011 at 10:34 am
Homewrecked by the Village Bicycle
Oh. And if that doesn’t fix the skank –
homewreckersandharlots.com will make you feel a little better, too.
26 October 2011 at 8:19 am
S.O.S.
May i out a persone w/o divulging my own identity? My family would kill me if they knew i went to these lengths to get justifiable revenge.
30 October 2011 at 8:39 am
Move on!
Mikey,
The best revenge is to show that you are happy and that you have moved on. You should care less of your ex’s obsessions.
My ex-wife was a master-homewrecker. From cyber to reality, she got “high” on trying to get unavailable men (mostly married). When she would succeed in bed, she would move on and seduce another victim. It was like she was playing video game. One married guy in particular, an ex of hers, was cybering her for years.
I considered an annulment but that would just show that I’m totally pissed off and she would like that.
This is epidemic and the science of psychiatry needs to recognize this as a mental disease.
My 2 cents…
31 October 2011 at 8:43 pm
frankie
Mireya Silva or Chinita Silva of Brisbane, Australia, Vina Delos Reyes Domingo of California, USA, Grace Dela Cruz of Pasig, Philippines and Dresden Palomar Serna of Brisbane, Australia ARE ALL HOMEWRECKERS AND WHORES! BEWARE OF THIS STUPID DUMB WOMEN WHO LOVES HAVING AFFAIRS WITH MARRIED MEN!
3 November 2011 at 2:02 pm
VICTORIA
MY HUSBAND LEFT THE HOMEWRECKER & GOD IS SHE PISSED. NOW THE PIG KNOWS HOW WE FEEL & DOESN”T LIKE IT EITHER. IS THERE A WEBSITE FOR HOMEWRECKING PIGS WHO GET DUMPED? WOULD LOVE TO SEND IT TO THIS OINKER.
6 November 2011 at 2:14 pm
BitterMan26
I’ll openly put my hand up and say I’m a jerk… I left my gf in 2009 for someone else after only a month affair but i soon ended the affair and went home as my gf told me she was pregnant. GF doesnt till this day know about affair. But thats not where it ends. Relationship with gf was only hanging on threads and we were only together cause of baby. Affair restarted and 2 years later i finally grew some balls and left my gf and daughter (leaving daughter was one of the hardest things i have done but home life was not suitable for her upbringing – i love her sooo much).
Affair woman then decided a day after i left home that she no longer wanted me, typically homewrecker. So this Jerk got his karma immediately and i now suffer alone as i only see my daughter twice a week and i have not seen affair woman since July. She has since phoned police on me because i emailed her and sms her a few ‘I love you’ messages. Affair woman claimed she still loved me but i cant happen. Deep down she said she still wanted it.
I hope Karma hurrys up and catches up on her i really do. I was stupid, very stupid. I’m fully aware of this. I should have ended my relationship with gf before embarking on another one.
I’m now no doubt going to be single for a very long long time as i’m wound up in my own self pity and oh so very bitter. I’m still madly in love with affair woman but i am not allowed to contact her. She loved my daughter too and accepted her, cuddled her, bought her pressies etc. We longed for the day we would have our own place etc. But clearly she had other ideas. She has since moved from Birmingham, UK to London UK allegedly. I miss my two girls so much!!!!!
Ex has since found out and published info on various websites…..
6 November 2011 at 3:01 pm
Julia
Van, dearest pronouns ignorer; yes, you’re a jerk, but everybody fucks up, what you’re really being an asshole about is blaming someone else for your mistakes. Karma has to catch up with none but you here, you’re the one who made the commitment and broke it, not the girl you had the affair with. She had every right to break up with you, and there’s something you must have done, restraining orders are not given away lightly.
You’re the homebreaker, take the blame and learn for next time.
6 November 2011 at 6:17 pm
BitterMan26
Julia, I guess that was for me….
This affair was not a sordid misplaced thing. I moved jobs to be closer to her, She quit University to be closer to me. For 2 years she asked me repeatedly to leave my home, gf and daughter. Only a week before i left my gf the affair woman asked me again when are we going to be together. I could see that love and pain in her eyes, she truly wanted it as did I hence why i ended it at home. We made love that same week before i left home and she asked me to marry her. We had been shopping and were picking out stuff for our new house.
It was the transition she made that has shook my world when i said i left home. She suddenly turned cold. The only reason she phoned the police is literally because i emailed and sms her a lot of times. I’m in now way a violent aggressive person, i made no threats of violence. I only declared my love for her and wanted to know why all of a sudden she wanted it no more. She had hidden me from her parents, whom i did meet a few times but only recently have i found out they thought we were just good friends. We made love in her house countless times, i met lots of her friends, i was part of her life as she was mine hence introducing my daughter to her. Not knowing how she is, how her life is going is killing me.
Another poster stated that they sent letters to over 300 people with the same surname. All i did was email her close friends letting them know what she has done. Not one replied. I have been made out to be some vicious nasty person. And it hurts so bad. I still have a relatively good relationship with the ex we even went out a few weeks ago with our daughter for her birthday, we are amicable and knew the relationship was at the end.
Affair woman has just gone bitterly bitterly cold on me and hurts to know that i built myself up to be with her for over 2 years and now she has cast me aside like yesterdays newspaper.
I want the world to know wat she has done. How can she do that to another person, its inhumane.
6 November 2011 at 7:08 pm
Julia
People break up, love ends. What she did was to break up with you, what you did is harrassment. If any of my exes were to contact my friends or family with fisiologically biased details of our relationship, they’d have a much greater problem than a reastraining order, they’d be facing liber and harrassment charges, and so could you (along with all the people sending defamatory letters around, albeit they have a better reason for doing so, which still doesn’t make it ok or legal).
What it’s annoying is that you’re blaming on her ‘homebreaker nature’ the fact that she broke up with you, when YOU where the one who was attached when the relationship started. Fine, it was over with your girlfriend, but whatever the weight of cheating on her is, it’s not on the shoulders of the woman you cheated with, it’s on yours.
There is an old chinese anectode that narrates of a mandarine knight in love with a princess. He professed his love and she said she would be with him if he waited100 days on front of her door. The 99th night, he got up and left.
It’s something that happens, when you make people work for it too much, you relegate them to being the ‘affair woman’ for too long, the love that was there, simply goes away, it’s not revenge or anything, it just happens.
You can’t blame her for it, and you certainly can’t harrass her.
I’m a law student, I know for certain that no judge would sign in on a restraining order based on a couple of phonecalls. And as I victim of this type of ex-boyfriend harrassment/stalking myselft, I can tell you how much this kind of behaviour nauseates me.
With regars,
6 November 2011 at 9:40 pm
BitterMan26
You raise some very good points there, i do like the chinese anecdote too
It was a first instance harrassment notice which she got issued on me a month after ending it. seems a bit too much too quick for my liking. she choose her family over mine, she was always afraid of telling her dad, due to the nature of my relationship with ex etc (baby et al).
I wish it was easier to explain over a forum but it isnt, you would have to know this woman to see what i’m saying. she was the sweetest, caring, thoughtful person…..the switch was incredible. people at work always used to comment on how polite etc she was, she would come see me a few times a week at the hotel i worked at…..anyhow…..could go back and forth forever……i was wrong for having affair i know this, she was wrong for the way she went about ending it, there was no warning, there was no displeasure between us, we never argued, we were great then BANG!!!! the day after i left home….
6 November 2011 at 9:57 pm
Julia
I understand that you’re hurt and possibly heartbroken and maybe she was somehow wrong in not giving you a better goodbye, but these things happen with break-ups, they happen to everyone.
It’s different degrees of wrong we’re talking about here, ending things abruptly may be unkind, but harrasment is an all different human, and legal, level of wrong.
What I see in this discussion is that people who are heartbroken feel like that allowes them to break the law and become stalkers (not just you, also the betrayed spouses). Just let go of the past, the best (and that which won’t lock you up) defence is to go on and keep your self-respect.
6 November 2011 at 10:49 pm
Tom
The internet is a curious place, I’ve gone through the comments and they sort of read like a conversation between Plato and a baby ape.
With the adolescent and the ‘sluts’ being Plato in this scenario…
7 November 2011 at 12:35 pm
BitterMan26
so essentially this woman is allowed to enter my world, meet my girl, ask me to leave my family, promise to marry me, see me 2-3 times a week for over 2 years wait for me to leave home then when i do it she decides that she has changed her mind.
your right the best defence is to forget the past and move forward before getting locked up!! locked up for telling someone you love them, crazy world we live in hey!!
she knew i had a girlfirend as initially we all worked together, yes i was weak but……..
Oooooh its gonna drive me crazy for a long time this one. 6 months nearly since she did it and i still think about her everyday. Havent text or emailed since early July though
too much energy is being spent, and a worthy cause i add, on seeing my daughter.
7 November 2011 at 2:57 pm
Tom
Sometimes, most of the times, romantic love just ends. People can say, and mean, all kind of things and then just not feel the same way anymore.
Now, I don’t know this woman, you appear on the, even if not physically, aggressive side, so I’m inclined to believe she had her reasons to leave you, but even if she was simply unkind and selfish, YES, she’s allowed to leave you and cut contact.
You are NOT allowed to harrass her in return.
7 November 2011 at 6:25 pm
Confused
Could someone please provide me w/ info. regarding restraining orders? Is it considered harassment if you call a homewrecker to request they back off/ leave ur spouse alone, etc….even if u don’t say anything vulgar ~ rather repeat the same message over & over again? How can that be deemed harassment when engaging in adultery isn’t considered a criminal act?
7 November 2011 at 6:36 pm
Julia
Hey,
I’m the one who mentioned restraining orders, but I’m a second year law student, you probably should get your advice from a state practicing attorney.
Anyways, husband’s adultery, or any non-criminal activicty the potential victim upset the potential perpetrator with is of no relevance.
Adultery is not a criminal act because of the separation between church and state.
No, no judge/d.a. would sign off on harrassment charges (maybe a restraining oerder, but still unlikely) because of one civil phonecall. If the bahaviour goes one (many calls or letters, even worse visits) becoming a pattern, especially when the victim has asked not to be contacted again, that gives very easy grounds for a restraing order and good grounds for filing harrassment charges.
Of course if the we’re talking about a potential victim who’s staliing/harrassing your husband herself, with him asking no contact from her, that changes things a lot.
Van,
Toma said it.
8 November 2011 at 1:35 pm
bitterman26
Tom,
I appreciate your honest feedback but I assure you I was never aggressive, ever. It went a little like this….
April 2011 she spends the day with me and my daughter, takes pictures of all 3 of us.
May 2011 we have lunch together, I stay overnight whilst her parents are away. 2 days later she ends it when I leave home.
I have received no restraining order but a warning hence first instance harassment. I merely wanted the truth and asked her this in my emails/texts. Why ask me to leave my family then leave me the day after I do it. This is the true definition of a homewrecker and yes I’m a jerk….for starting it all in 2009 anyhow. I nave never been told the truth but I have been given some reasons that came 2 months after ending it: I was too old, I had a daughter, her dad did not approve. If these reasons came immediately when she ended it then maybe it would have been easier but she avoided it all and shut me out.
Only wanted the truth I did not harass her but here in the UK anything more then one call text etc is considered harassment. She never once asked me to leave her alone. I asked her to leave me alone but she phoned me 3 days before calling the police to wish me good luck in my new job and to further tell me her life was now a mess.
8 November 2011 at 4:00 pm
suzy loonam
Bitterman… let it go. You are not winning new champions to your cause. Instead, you’re making us all see a glimpse of what your Exes see — a desperate man, trying to win followers who will take your side. It’s not working. You are not winning. Just let it go.
9 November 2011 at 1:28 am
bitterman26
Suzy,
This isnt a game where I want followers etc lol. This is merely sharing an experience on a blog entitled homewreckers. If Emma Louise Thompson was too walk back in my life after 6 months I would tell her where too go. I am just sharing the pain that can be caused by such things. If I could go back to 2009 I would ensure it never started. Anyone woman that can cause this much hurt doesn’t deserve to be in mine or my daughters life. I am friends with many of my exes but Emma has been utterly cold and somewhat disgusting in her role overall. Having the police called on you for being in love is not one of the high points of my life thus far.
9 November 2011 at 4:56 am
Julia
This is a place for sharing experiences about your significant other cheating on you with predatory people, not about being the one who wrecked his own home and blaming it on someone else.
Your relationship fisiologically ended, not surprising seen how it has started, and no, UK law does not grant restraing orders, not even warnings, on the grounds of one phone call.
The fact that you disclosed her name on here already says something about your harrassing nature, in my opinion…
9 November 2011 at 5:56 am
homewrecker
well said.
10 November 2011 at 8:52 pm
Hmmm kkkkk
Well, I wasn’t planning to comment on bitterman as you all have done so which such eloquence… But I simply have to express my absolute joy at hearing such instant karma. lol I’m sorry and do not mean to wish ill to anyone. However, I cannot help but be, well, uplifted when I see that there may be some measure of justice in the universe afterall.
Did you ever think, bitterman, that the reason your “affair woman” (how dreadful) might not have really wanted you because she had absolute proof that you were a cheater?
13 November 2011 at 6:05 pm
bitterman26
Kkkkk – clearly you don’t understand karma, to have joy in someone else’s pain…you’ll have to balance that out now.
As for working out I was a cheater, well aren’t you the Sherlock Holmes – brilliant. Yes it took her two years to work it out, genius response.
The girls parents demanded she not be with me, she put her family before our potential family. Hey ho as they so. Either that mir she met someone else which makes her a cheater, ooh I’m good at this…lol. the point of all the above is she asked me relentlessly to leave my family and I did and as already pointed out by myself yes I’m a jerk. But she left me as soon as I left home, period. Karma has got me and yes I deserve it but karma will catch up with her. My last ever message to her was… I wish you all the happiness in the world as your a beautiful woman. I got threats from her friends but never called the police, as matters of the heart are to be dealt with by adults not the tax payers law enforcement, they have bigger and better things to do. That is all!!
13 November 2011 at 6:15 pm
Julia
Just let go. You loved, you lost, you’ve been a jerk to someone, someone has been a jerk to you, it’s everybody’s story.
And karma is not real, it’s either a supersition or a metaphor to explain the fact that things that start with bad preminised usually don’t end well. Fisiologically, not out of some magical indian spell.
And she didn’t make you leave your family, that’s your own choice, and leaving your ex doesn’t mean leaving your family, unless you abandoned your kid when you left her mother. Even when parents stop being a couple they stay family to their children, unless they’re assholes.
Really, a person left you, she must have had her reasons, apparently it was the best choice for her, as it was for you to leave your ex, as you’ve said before it was already over.
Move on.
13 November 2011 at 6:41 pm
hmmm kkkkk
“Kkkkk – clearly you don’t understand karma, to have joy in someone else’s pain…you’ll have to balance that out now.”
My joy was in justice. But feel free to continue to rant at strangers if it helps you come to grips with your situation. In any case, it has become apparent that you have found no sympathy here. Perhaps your energies would be better spent as advised above, by moving on.
14 November 2011 at 1:07 am
Sophia
Bitter,
This is the wrong website 4 ur whining ways. Poor piglet weakling, who happened about the same animal at the trough. U could start a Pigs R Us site 4 those who wrong their significant others because they r never satisfied or genuinely interested in making the best out of life’s hands.
U say that now u suffer alone. U could have grown a dick & done right by your baby mama by respecting ur own relationship rather than running from it. Did u do anything 2 resew those hanging threads…especially after finding out u got the girl pregnant? NO! U think by moving home 2 her was enough? Ur energy wasn’t fully placed where it needed to be. Search urself instead of trying 2 justify urself 2 those who have been hurt far worse by ur kind. Pathetic 4 u 2 expect any positive response 4 not staying in the arena. Look up “Man in the arena” & see if u fit the description. Afraid not. More like a pussy piglet who runs around the outskirts acting as if he’s been in there fighting 4 what’s just & good.
Haven’t heard u feel real remorse 4 hurting ur baby mama, yet u look 4 sympathy outing another of ur kind. If u had anything 2 say on here, it would be 2 publicly apologize 2 the lady who bore ur child. Shameless. U don’t wish 2 move on yet or u wouldn’t be sharing ur so called snookering. She snookered u, as u snookered ur B.M. Justice would be having ur B.M. on here outing u.
You claim wild horses couldn’t get u back w/ Ms. Piggy so, quite simply, seek more swine. Leave us wounded humans a place where we can heal w/o bing reminded of your pigshit excuses. You screwed up 4 being weak. Now, it’s time 2 own it. Get off here, go 2 ur daughter & be the best Dad u can be & pray that God will forgive u 4 ur sins rather than trying 2 hold someone else accountable 4 theirs.
14 November 2011 at 6:53 am
Julia
Gotta say the only problem I have with bitter – I’m nobody to judge other people’s lives- it’s the inconsistency in deeming a behaviour acceptable for themselves ( and by extention men) and a similar, not as bad though because she wasn’t dating anyone at the time, one not so for others (read: women).
Although, all the swine imagery that precedes me it is REALLY vulgar and tacky. Let’s just not insult strangers on the internet / rape the English language please.
14 November 2011 at 11:13 am
Sophia
Julia,
With all due respect, Sir Bitter, the gentleman (?) with whom i dare insulted, does not “deserve” said niceties. That’s the problem with society today. Our President has repeated this line again & again about “A pig with lipstick on is still a pig.” Well, if the shoe fits….
14 November 2011 at 12:14 pm
Julia
I just find it unclassy and I believe one can put their point across with logics and respect 10 times better than with insults, but that’s just my personal take. I don’t believe that in debating complete strangers ad homined attacks make any sense, cause when you don’t know your counterpart, you can effectively comment only on the facts that have been presented to you.
14 November 2011 at 3:52 pm
Sophia
U r defending the indefensible However, notice how the culprit remains quiet? This is not a matter of being classy or unclassy. It’s a life lesson that needs 2 be learned by all of us at some point. Nobody is perfect. By softening ur position, u succomb 2 his B.S. making it easier 4 him 2 live w/ his choices. Somebody needs 2 tell this guy(& others like him) to be a man, honor ur obligations, & do that which expands you 4 the glory of God. Hopefully, he’s doing that right now… which would have been worth my rants.if only for his daughter’s sake.
14 November 2011 at 4:03 pm
Julia
Please leave religions and gods out of this, if there’s something that’s personal, it’s that.
Do you really think that me pointing out that I considered your lack of respect useless and unpleasent equals defending the actions that bitter described,? What’s your logic there? You believe you can’t critique someone’s actions without being aggressive and crass? That’s just not my way and neither was Jesus’, since you mentioned religion, first stones and all.
Moreso, do you REALLY think that anyone would get off their computer chair and change their perspective on life because an internet poster called them a pig? Seriously?
14 November 2011 at 5:05 pm
Sophia
Julia,
U make me laugh. Useless & unpleasant as compared to what? Your calling him out for acting like an asshole & creep? SERIOUSLY? Your language is as, if not more, crass,& unclassy than my depictions of swine. Was only defending HMMM Kicker’s position… who found joy in justice. Hmmm shed good light on Bitter’s rants which have no place here. That someone should point it out doesn’t mean that Bitter’s perspective would change. However, it might open his eyes 2 reality… like the rest of us who have lost loves. Again, affirming Hmmm’s position in also suggesting that Bitter has found no sympathy here.
Lastly, ever hear the term God-fearing? Know what mortal sin is? You might not believe in karma, but do you read the Bible? Mortal vs venial sin?. We should be here learning from each other. It’s your logic that mystifies me. Flip flop, you go from asshole to attaboy because somebody else dared to hold him accountable.
14 November 2011 at 5:22 pm
Julia
I red the bible but I’m not religious, so the fear proper of certain religious denominations doesn’t regard me; I still find the historical figure of Jesus very fascinating and educational, as far as tolerance and armony go.
Where did you se the attaboy, precisely? My opinion on his actions and lack of coherence in judging himslef and judging others stayed precisely the same and if you care to check you can see that I use the word asshole in reference to parents who abandon their children, which it’s not something he said he did.
I think the difference in linguistic registers speaks for itself and I needen’t address it.
I was simply expressing my opinion that I believe it’d be better to keep the discussion respectful, which means productive, and on the matters, without ad hominem attacks, it doesn’t equal changing my opinion on bitter inconsistancy and borderline harrassment tecniques (I know very well that restraining orders, nor warnings, are not given lightly).
14 November 2011 at 5:49 pm
BitterMan26
Well good morning (very early morning)….well today yes i have been quiet that is because I have my beautiful daughter each Monday and Tuesday. I never once turned my back on my daughter, she is what kept me in the relationship with my ex. without my daughter i would have been long gone nearly 3 years ago. I tried in the past to make my relationship work hence why leaving in early 2009 and only returning when i was informed by my ex she was pregnant. Many a man would have walked away!!! I’m not here for sympathy – what would a few words over the internet do to appease me? would they suddenly bring back affair woman? no!! You may think i’m just a nother bloke who was thinking of his brain cell in his penis but i assure you at the beginning i never even had sexual thoughts about this woman but then something clicked such is life.
What on earth has god got to do with anything , dont think that everyone believes in what you do. I make my path in life, i make the choices, I learn from these choices and in time i get stronger from these choices. If there was an ultimate being that had already created a path for me then he is a cruel bugger, lol!!!
Julia – i assure you one more time. A couple of emails, a few sms back and forth, does not constitute harassment. You can believe what you want from your experience etc. But i know i have done no wrong (in harassment terms) hence i can sleep easily. When you read a book and the final few pages are missing – you find yourself determined to get those final few pages to see how the story concluded. That is how i see it, i never got given a reason for why it ended. I got a ‘its over’. She did come and visit a few times to chat at work (enf of may early jun) and she would say things like ‘deep down i still want it but it cant happen, i am following my head now and not my heart’ but never did i get a reason why she following that route. I would have preferred it if she just said she met someone else, something, anything that just gave an explanation.
As for ‘Baby Mama’ that was over years ago as afore mentioned and i stuck around for our girl. We still have a amicable relationship and can laugh and chat when in the same room.
14 November 2011 at 5:57 pm
Julia
Well, I guess I just find it difficult to believe that someone would get such warning without reasonable eveidence of harrassment, I imagine evrything is possible.
Something very similar happened to me, I did cut contact without much explaination, jerky, yeah, but it was they only way I thought I could get through the first months, and the repeated unwanted calls and visits to me and my friends did, according not only to me but to the law, account as harrassment.
14 November 2011 at 6:01 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkkkk
I thank you, Sophie. For coming to my defense. But rest easy that there is nothing that gentleman could have said that would make me lose one second’s peace.
(well, unless he told me he was dating my daughter. lol)
14 November 2011 at 6:04 pm
BitterMan26
In this country if you were to send me a email followed by another i can then report you for unwanted emails….this can be seen as a predetermined method of harassment.
Her father was a strict guy who i only met once, her mother i met a few times and shared coffee with in her house etc but again they only thought we were just friends. Her mother would ask me how my daughter was etc. Affair woman even took photos and had one framed, that how well she took to my daughter.
I never once made a visit to her house when she ended it, that would have been a bit weird. I did send flowers etc as previously mentioned. Even on my birthday 3 weeks after she ended it i bought her 2 boquets.
C’est la vie.
14 November 2011 at 6:16 pm
Sophia
For clarification, the topic of discussion here
is/was Bitter’s gross disregard & disrespect of another human being…. while remaining defensive about his own inane/ harassing actions warranting a restraining order. However, you’d rather cloud the issue by bantering about said dialogue. Bitter is a poor sport because he lost at the track.
You, on the other hand,should further research Nov. 6th’s entries when you referred to Bitter as both an asshole, jerk along w/ dearest ignorer of pronouns. Hopefully, this dialogue will sharpen your skills, as we may one day meet in court. Hmmm, where r u in this? Here, Bitter, Bitter.
14 November 2011 at 6:25 pm
Julia
I believe he has aswered you.
I did not make this into anything, you’ll notice that I continued my exchange with bitter just the same.
Right, the first reply, I had forgotten, I still would argue that saying that someone acted like an asshole and agreeing with their own self-appointed definition of jerk is quite different from your rant, again, I think the discussion speaks for itself and we needen’t get into semantics to see the obvious different in approaches; you’re entitled to yours, it’s just different takes we’re talking about, but saying they’re the sime thing would be absurd.
Are you a laywer?
14 November 2011 at 6:33 pm
Sophia
What’s your point, Bitter? To vent, to convince us you did nothing wrong?. Shall we bow to the prince & say you command respect without having to earn it like the rest of us?
Glad you have your daughter. She is the prize that you should keep your eye on. Affair woman is faceless & can reappear at any time, in any form. You say you have been strenghtened by choices. Remember, Bitter, that fortitude remains the guard of all virtues. If you don’t place much faith in God then hopefully self restraint will carry you throughj.
14 November 2011 at 6:40 pm
Sophia
While you lack a command of the language, Julia, must commend you on your fighting spirit. You’ll need it to defend yourself against those of us who’ve come before you.
14 November 2011 at 8:29 pm
Julia
I think I do pretty well for someone who speaks English as a second language.
And again with the petty ad hominem attacks, what’s the point? And who would ‘us’ be?
15 November 2011 at 1:11 am
bitterman26
Seriously this Sophie is hilarious. I can picture her preaching in the town centre each and every day. Hallejulah….or however its spelt.
Ps: Julia didn’t directly call me an asshole, entitled too but she didn’t.
15 November 2011 at 6:25 am
Hmmmm Kkkkkkk
::eyeroll::: Do not expect Julia to be anymore impressed with your attacks than anyone else’s, bitter. Whether directly or indirectly, it is quite clear that she thinks you an asshole. You wrecked your own home, and as such, do not actually belong here. Julia’s civility with you aside, we pretty much all think you are an asshole. I believe “affair woman” had the right instincts… eventually. You cheated, and then blamed the one you cheated with and branded her a “homewrecker;” harrassed her for answers you aren’t entitled to and then display outrage at having the police contacted as a result; you publically “out” her on the internet, ignoring her right to privacy and yet profess your obsessive love endlessly; show an appalling lack of morals and values by contantly defending your actions and then make fun of someone else’s morals and values..,,, Yeah, I’d say asshole doesn’t begin to cover it.
15 November 2011 at 6:26 am
Sophia
Laughing all the louder now, Julia. You have won Bitter’s heart. My sincerest congratulations. (Lord knows I don’t want him.)
FYI ~ English is my third language so what is your point? People say “thank you” in my culture when given advice. The two of you would make quite the couple. Bitter will need a good bull dog to defend him if he continues with those restraining orders.
Gotta run. Have an engagement at the town center where “we” legal eagles gather to preach to the ignoramus crowd. Hope to see you there. May even dedicate my rendition of Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus to Bitter.
15 November 2011 at 6:50 am
Hmmmm Kkkkkkk
“The only reason she phoned the police is literally because i emailed and sms her a lot of times”
“A couple of emails, a few sms back and forth, does not constitute harassment.”
The above represents your evolving story… so we can keep track. You admitted to the behavior that warranted police intervention… even went so far as to send this woman two bouquets on YOUR birthday. That screams stalking. And now you attempt to sway Julia into believing that it was two emails, thinking you have fooled yet ANOTHER woman. While she may not endorse calling you a pig, you are, indeed, a pig.
15 November 2011 at 7:03 am
Sophia
Hallelujah!!!!
15 November 2011 at 7:15 am
Julia
Bitter,
I do beleive you did wrong and I don’t need to repeat myself on the why again.
But one las thing…
of course every situation is different and needs to be addressed and such, but istances where a behaviour is perceived as harrassing without the perpetrator feeling that’s the case are not rare at all.
Again, my advice would be to move on and keep no contact.
Sophia,
my point was that I’vee seen you tend to disregard the discussed matter and move on to ad hominem attacks when you have nothing to say. And I find your methods petty. And the all ‘debating with respect = agreeing with each other’ thing is the most childish of them all. What? Do I need to steal his lunch and spit on him in the middle of the playground to make my point?
I’ve missed the advice, it probably was disguised by all the insults…
And yes, it shows, by the text language above all, that English is not your mother tongue, but, before, I saw no point in bringing it up.
15 November 2011 at 8:56 am
Sophia
Little Grasshopper,
Again. keep your fighter instinct. You’ll need it to make it in this field. When you pass the bar, “we’ll” spring for bouquets. Nonetheless, your banter has been entertaining. Calling Bitter names at the playground then coming to his defense when “we” bullies give our 2 cents doesn’t erase anything. You’re the one throwing stones, dear. At Bitter & now at me. Why, for saying the truth…. ” A pig by any other name does smell as fowl.”
Bitter, Enjoy your lunch!
15 November 2011 at 9:10 am
Julia
I won’t be taking the bar, I’m European, I don’t think I’d ever live in the US, it’s great to visit, but that’s it.
It’s not fighting spirit per se. There’s a difference between giving your, albeit harsh, opinion on a matter posted on the internet and lining up a series of isults with no constructive criticism and analysis of the matter at hand whatsoever. But I won’t repeat it again, because all one takes to see the difference is reading the exchanges. Again, you’re entitled to your approach just like i am, but it’s absurd to deem them the same.
You really like pigs, don’t ya?
Btw, pigs don’t smell bad or are unclean by nature, they’re actually clean and often sweet.
15 November 2011 at 9:20 am
bitterman26
home wrecker purposefully maintains a love affair with someone who is in a committed relationship.
This is taken from the opening bloggers original statement. Purposely would be defined by a person declaring their love, asking them to leave their family, asking them to marry. We all worked together initially so other person always knew my situation.
Forget all the discussions about harassment etc. I sleep easy with regards to that. Not being blinkered or oblivious to the fact I emailed etc. Stalking is now buying flowers 4 weeks after relationship ended. Tut tut me.
I can imagine how people would react if she ignored her parents wishes and was kicked out of home then I decided to end it…..wow!! I would still be in the wrong. Pmsl.
Just had another lovely day with my little girl, writing this whilst travelling on train home – passes the time.
15 November 2011 at 9:37 am
Julia
Mate, really?
Yes, that would be the definition, but you can’t blame her for maintaing a love affair with YOU. That would be like getting into a bank robbery and blaming the all thing on the gateway driver.
She was participating in something not entirely ethical, but if your ex could -maybe- indirectly blame her for the fact, you can’t: you were the one in a committed relationship, it was not her her to keep your committment, it was on you.
Plus, she didn’t MAKE you leave home, you said multiple times the relationship with your ex was already over. You’re only upset because she left you abruptly, well, happens to everyone. It sucks, but it’s normal.
I’m glad you’re spending time with your daughter and loving it, that might help you with the all ‘respecting women’ thing.
Harrassment, not stalking, yes, can, depends on the circustances, be ANY kind of repeated unwanted contact.
15 November 2011 at 10:04 am
Hodge
Have been reading & know one thing about picking lawyers now. Would want to see their skills on paper before deciding on one. W/ a H.S. education, think I’m ready for law school if Julia can get in w/ her ridiculousness, lack of logic, jabs & insults. She uses the f word, which as a guy even I won’t do in writing along w/ a..hole, jerk, etc. She then has the nerve to insult an eloquent writer like Sophia (who btw could represent me anytime should I get into a legal dispute) who didn’t use vulgarity. Rather humor to make her point. Julia sounds jealous of you, Sophia. You even have a pretty name which is probably threatening to an unclassy dame like her. Funny how she called you unclassy. Bitter is a pig, and not ALL pigs are sweet. Where in Europe can I sign up for law school?
15 November 2011 at 10:08 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
“I can imagine how people would react if she ignored her parents wishes and was kicked out of home then I decided to end it…..wow!! I would still be in the wrong. Pmsl”
Yes, you would still be in the wrong for reasons you STILL CAN’T SEEM TO WRAP YOUR LITTLE HEAD AROUND… ’twas YOU who cheated on someone, not she. As for ignoring her parents wishes, since she is barely of legal age, and you are nearing 40, that brings up a whole NEW set of moral and ethical standards. Especially since the “affair” began when she was in her teens. Sorry, that is beyond disgusting. (a quick search of the name you so “lovingly” provided in your hopes of having karma catch up with this child proved to be enlightening.)
15 November 2011 at 10:14 am
bitterman26
UK legal age 16, she was turning 19 I was 33. Nowt wrong with that. She now 21 and I’m 36. That’s a very poor thing of you to write. Trying to mislead people.
15 November 2011 at 10:20 am
Julia
That would be the University of Cambridge, Downing College, Sophia.
Good luck with your application…
One thing they teach you there in one of those useless electives we take is to recognise patterns of writing and take into account laws of probability.
The probability of someone with the same writing style, the same use of the language, the same repeated use of symbols, such as &, w/ and so on and the same irrational love for swine imagery coming in matter of minutes to the defences of Sophia, complimenting her on her name and legal competences are, to say the least, slim.
Quite slim, very unpig-like, more on the range of an anorexic mosquito.
This.has.gotten.fuuuny.
15 November 2011 at 10:33 am
Tom
Bitterman get uglier every minute with newfound revelations. Hmmmm Kicker should be called “buttkicker” & get a gold star for his investigative work. Julia makes no sense. The only big word/phrase she knows besides crude ones is “ad homined” which frankly is a turn off. I want a date with Sophia. Be happy to host you for a pig roast or anything else. You show you have both principles and class.
15 November 2011 at 10:38 am
Julia
Tom is also a fan of the symbol & and pigs, go figure.
Come on, Sophia, with a little more effort I’m sure you can up with a fictional male poster that throws irrational compliments at you and doesn’t write EXACTLY like you.
I believe in you, you can do it!
15 November 2011 at 10:40 am
Hodge Leong
Julia,
My name is Hodge and have posted before. No need to disquise myself as anybody else so grow up you big baby and quit trying to justify your stupidity. Say you r wrong and apologize to the lady. Why don’t you pick on a guy? Bring it with your paranoia.
15 November 2011 at 10:48 am
Julia
Better,
you got rid of the symbols, now it’s time to change the structure a bit, learn how to spell disguise and stop using text language.
Closer each time, but really it’s getting ridiculous, it’s obvious for anyone who reads, REALLY obvious.
15 November 2011 at 10:51 am
bitterman26
Tom….uglier…..its common fact we men like a younger model, don’t deny yourself
Julia….agreed this is getting rather funny and don’t worry I know your not a fan of mine.
15 November 2011 at 11:24 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
Bitter: Correct me if I am wrong, but “turning 19″ could be easier said as 18. Why make that distinction if you, yourself, were not trying to make this sound better than it was… misleading, perhaps? In any case, each has the word “teen” in it; hence the term “teen-ager.” So, you… as a grown man (subjective, I know), had an cheated on your girlfriend and the mother of your child with a teenager.. and now you would like the teenager to pay the cost for it. How very… manly. You were told to leave it.. walk away.. you’re story was not appropriate for this blog.. and you choose to stay in an attempt to win sympathy for your pathetic life. The teenager in your little drama acted in an age-appropriate manner. They don’t tend to make life-long commitments because they are not much more than children. You, however, acted inappropriately on a variety of levels and yet your hope is some sort of karmic payback for her? Let’s see if you feel so warm and fuzzy about this inappropriate age difference when YOUR daughter is preyed upon by a man.
Julia: Hodge has posted before. We have spoken on a number of occassions. While I cannot speak with any authority on any relationship that might exist between Hodge and Sophia, I do not believe they are one and the same.
The most amusing bit to me in all of this is… well, I am also in the legal field and headed towards law school. lol Go figure.
As there is nothing lawyers enjoy more than a fight, this little back and forth is not surprising. lol My only hope is that we find something of more worth to debate that some dirty old man’s sob story about why his toy mistress should pay because he is an ass. lol
15 November 2011 at 11:25 am
Hodge
Hodge here. You ARE a paranoid person, Jewels. Call me by my name if u r addressing me. I can’t believe I’m responding to this but you really think you know everything. Text symbols r used in the states. Furthermore, I have a high school education which allows me more of a right to misspell than a law school know it all like you. Apologize to the lady and address me if you wish to continue w/ ur pms rants. btw, it’s a compliment to compare my writing to hers so thanks 4 that.
15 November 2011 at 11:25 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
:::pardon the typos above as I am writing on the fly::: lol
15 November 2011 at 11:27 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
“Tom….uglier…..its common fact we men like a younger model, don’t deny yourself”
Real mean are not so threatened by real women that they chose to have sex with children instead.
15 November 2011 at 11:29 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
“Bitterman get uglier every minute with newfound revelations. Hmmmm Kicker should be called “buttkicker” & get a gold star for his investigative work.”
Her, actually. lol And thank you. Legal research training does pay off… but this one was quite easy as the “Defendant,” as it were, gave a map. lol
15 November 2011 at 11:44 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
One final question to bitter about whatever game he is playing…. Why, exactly, did you list the website where your supposed “ex-girlfriend” tells her story on homewreckers and harlots on one of your messages above? Your initial foray into this blog has your name highlighted and linked to this:
http://www.homewreckersandharlots.com/2011/08/profile-of-homewrecking-harlot-15-emma.html?showComment=1314332224881
So, what are you playing at exactly? Is your life so boring that you look for ways to instigate things on the net? Julia, Sophia, Hodge and Tom will be here long after you tire of your toys. You have had your bit of humor at causing an uproar, so why don’t you just slink away? For my part, I am done responding to you as it is apparent you are not genuine or worth the time it takes to click the keys. You are nothing more than words on a screen.
15 November 2011 at 11:47 am
Julia
That’s funny, what are the chances? I’m probably going to go into international law and human rights though, very different area
I’m still pretty certain it’s the same person writing on behalf of Hodge, Sophia and Tom, I guess it doesn’t matter, they ‘all’ seem to enjoy making personal insults. Yeah, I’m crazy jelous of other people’s first names!
Altho’ I might be wrong, because it’s usually men who in order to undermine other people’s arguments bring up pms; i’ve seen very few women ever do that, it’s quite sexist.
Nevermind though, i’m done with internet feuds with strangers.
And Bitter, I’ve dated older people and so I couldn’t coherently say that that type of age difference is always wrong, I guess it’s up to the two people, and the older one in particular, to asses wheather a realtionship between equals is possibile.
But one thing you need to know, if you get into a relationship with a teenager/young adult is that you can’t expect maturity from them. Because they’re not ought to be mature.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too, the very young models usually come with a very young personality, and that’s how it’s supposed to be.
15 November 2011 at 12:20 pm
bitterman26
Ha ha ha yeah I found that a month ago, clearly wasn’t the ex. When she dumped me I quit my job, which annoyed a lot people, I moved away from the job I took to be closer to her. Cause I’m a nice guy a lot of people were pissed off with what she had done and done things without me knowing. But yet I still got the blame.
Age is but a number, initially she was a very mature young adult who was caring, thoughtful of others, responsible (one colleague was shocked when they heard her real age as they thought she was around the late twenties) – her true colours clearly came out in the end when I did what I did. She panicked and ran!!
Julia, you words are true and I am doing my hardest to put it all behind and focus only on my daughter. Memories take time to disappear and from time to time they get triggered again especially when my little girls asks for her.
Anyway call it a day now as the childish insult throwing is getting rather silly.
15 November 2011 at 12:30 pm
Hmmm Kkkkk
Right now I work in family law… scouring the net for dirt is part and parcel. lol However, I am studying corporate law as you certainly do not see the best of humanity in family law.
As for the little man’s defense.. still doesn’t answer why he would use that link for this forum… simply some sort of game played by those with more time than sense, I’d wager. That poor child also has a topless photo of her posted on the net. Personally, I would be looking into legal remedies if that was MY teenager plastered out there because she was too flighty to see that hooking up with an old, attached, and obviously imbalanced guy might not be in her best interest. I suspect that this jack-off was mad because she broke up with him and decided to get his revenge by trashing her on the net. Kinda blows holes in the whole “two emails got me a restraining order” claim.
15 November 2011 at 12:39 pm
Hmmm Kkkkk
On an entirely different note altogether…. It has been some time since my ex-husband’s little homewrecker shattered our family. They say time heals all wounds and I believe that to be true. I have successfully moved on with my life and am pleased to announce I will be getting married on New Year’s Eve.
We set the date over the weekend… as this is not a first marriage for either of us, a small simple affair is the order of the day.
I announce this to perhaps remind those who are freshly wounded, there is life after this so stick around.
15 November 2011 at 12:52 pm
Julia
Congrats there, this a very good place to share such good and refreshing news.
I’m not sure corporate law is really where the best of humanity lies, but that may just be my politics speaking. I guess I’m making my decision based on the fact that, yes, the field of human rights is where you see the worst of human barbaric cruelty, but it’s also where you can help rectify the greatest wrongs. Altho’ it’s definitely not where the money is, oh well, I don’t know yet.
I’m not sure about the states, but in the UK, you can be persecuted for posting a (semi)pornographic pic of someone, even of legal age, without their (written, i may add) consent, if it wasn’t already posted somehere else public (not a private fb page for example).
15 November 2011 at 1:00 pm
Hmmm Kkkkk
lol My politics tell me the same, however, I can at least dehumanize it. You are right about your chosen specialty, I am sure. The difference is your goal is to right a wrong where in family law, you argue against or for equally fit or unfit parents… and it all depends on who pays you. The law is the first place you learn that truth is subjective. lol
As the parties referred to with regards to the pic are in the UK, your laws would apply. In the states, it is much the same. It is a civil matter, however, and would need to be brought to light by the injured party. Not sure if it is criminal or civil in UK, but am assuming the same.
15 November 2011 at 3:05 pm
Hodge
Hmmmm,
Congrats on your engagement as well. I had a son with what I thought was a very mature 18 yr. old. She ran out on me & our son. No reason other than being too young . However, I knew that going in and would never dog her like Bitter who thinks he is justified somehow. While still wounded, find peace in watching my kid grow bigger and stronger every day. Might not be the brightest man but know I would never put his mother down. It was a choice I made to be with her and must live with the outcome. Good or bad.
Jewels is sadly mistaken about my affiliation with anyone on here. I am here alone trying to learn from others. I do not appreciate being roped in for defending myself or telling her I disagree with her baloney. I even give my identity so grow up already. However, you did give me confidence that I too can become a lawyer someday.
15 November 2011 at 3:41 pm
Tom
CONGRATULATIONS TO HMMMM! ALL THE BEST TO YOU!
Hodge,
Make this a double touchet to the paranoid one. AD HOMINED, AD HOMINED WHATEVER THE HELL THAT MEANS! I have posted on here before too but won’t give out my last name because I don’t need my ex’s fam coming after me for any reason.
As for Julia, she needs to get off her rag and quit trying to make herself feel better by putting others down. Anxious to hear from her nemesis who, so you know, isnt’ me either
Bitter is an asshole as you yourself called him, or pig as she did, no doubt. Same damn difference. But, you have proved yourself to be the jackass in all this. Ad homined, over and out.
15 November 2011 at 4:04 pm
Julia
Might be, still find it unlikely, but hey, I could only know for certain if there was a way to see the posting scripts with computer ids…and we all know there’s no such thing
…
Anyways, let’s agree to disagree and go back on topic, bitter I hope you manage to move on and come up with a sunnier nickname and good luck to all* in the professional quests in legal field.
If someone has a suggestion for a precise synonimous for ad hominem, please help me out, foreign as I am, if that’s what people keep doing, I wouldn’t know how elso to call it.
15 November 2011 at 4:23 pm
Victoria
Give credit where credit is due. On Nov. 3rd, before any of you characters started on here, I brought up the topic of pigs calling the homewrecking hoebag in my situation an OINKER. To the British bitch who doesn’t know better, that’s what we call homewreckers in the U.S. P-I-G-S! Stay in the U.K. and call them whatever else you like. The pig who stole my man is now squealing like she deserves . HE LEFT HER TOO! KARMA IS REAL! I don’t know anyone on here either so bury your pride already. You have insulted enough people. As for Bitterboy, I have OINKER’s name and address if you want it. She would be a better fit for you.
15 November 2011 at 4:34 pm
Hmmmm
Many of us have been here for multiple years… so, November 3rd was a minute ago. lol In any case, you do have a point in what is considered appropriate in different countries. “Pig” in the US has long been used to describe someone as “less than.” Perhaps in the UK, there is a different phrase-ology. I believe it is safe to assume we all believe that bitter behaved far less than appropriately… no sense in arguing semantics.
15 November 2011 at 4:56 pm
Julia
I get the slang, I do, I’ve red up on the all ‘capitalistic pig’ imagery.
I wasn’t arguing the semantics, simply the agressive approach of name-callling, similar to you calling me a bitch with absolutely no idea of who I am or what i do, I find it useless and counterproductive, that’s it.
Btw, I’m not British, i’m French, I just go to school in England, so I’m familiar with insults of every kind…
And yeah, I guess we all agree that Bitter behaved badly, not just in cheating on his ex, but on blaming his mistakes on a young girl, I just wish he would admit it.
15 November 2011 at 5:09 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkk
By the by, thanks to all for the heartfelt well wishes. I am as excited as a young bride, although that particular benchmark is so far behind me, I can’t see it from here. lol
15 November 2011 at 5:16 pm
Julia
You’re welcome.
One spectacular thing about falling in love is becoming somewhat a teenager again, you know, without the mall clothes, insecurities and bad bad taste in music
15 November 2011 at 5:28 pm
Tom
To Julia,
Agressive name calling? Have you looked in the mirror or does it crack every time you try? You dish it out so well yet can’t take it. Why is It OK for you to mudsling but nobody else? If somebody calls you out, you get so defensive or change the topic instead of admitting you are wrong. Get off your high horse. You are no better than anybody else here, Marie Antoinette
15 November 2011 at 5:42 pm
Hodge
HMMMM,
Does that mean you’ll be leaving us? HOPE NOT. You are like the Dr. Phil who referees the kids on here. Have enjoyed your input and learned from you. Angry with Bitter’s B.S. but glad you jumped in to give your input. As for “Mad”moiselle Julia, would take you over her any day of the week .Yo Bitterman, had younger and it WASN”T better. Trust me. The older are wiser, warmer, and have much more to offer. Again, I’m very happy for you and happier for the lucky guy who make you his wife. Have younger sisters?
15 November 2011 at 6:03 pm
Julia
Never said younger was better, our age never became an issue of debate or our mating market value never became an issue of debate, you were the one who brought that up.
And again, that’s just my take, I believe there’s is a difference between calling someone’s speech vulgar and dashing out isults towards an individual. I believe there’s no need to make things personal, you can give your opinions on somebody’s actions without insulting them, I believe there’s a difference. If you (signular or plural that it may be) don’t concur, let’s just agree to disagree, allright?
On the other hand, I’ve called:
-ugly (nice x-rays there)
-stupid
-a bitch
-mad
and so on.
All for suggesting that maybe we should bring the debate to a more civil tone.
If you care to notice, the people who have been insulting and aggressive were the ones who didn’t manage to have a debate, and what’s the point in replying to stranger on the internet if not having a debate?
And it’s touché…
15 November 2011 at 6:08 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkk
To be fair, I changed the subject as I don’t see the point in continuing the previous conversation. Julia and Sophia have differing styles. I can appreciate both. Julia does not and Sophia does not… that is their perogative.
15 November 2011 at 6:13 pm
Julia
Yeah, I would agree with you, it’s different styles and let’s let it go.
I appreciated you changing the subject, but when heavier isults came my way I felt like i had to defend myself there.
But the marriage talk was way better…
15 November 2011 at 6:24 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkk
Julia, I believe the age topic was a reference to something bitter said about men preferring youth.
No, I think I may still have something to add to the conversation here as I did have the experience. lol So, I will be sticking around.
15 November 2011 at 6:49 pm
Hodge
Hmmmm,
The age topic WAS in reference to what Bitterman said. Thereagain, look at how paranoid the “French” are. HEY JULIA, how do you like it inow? Instead of trying to club separate individuals togehter like its a conspiracy against Bitterman or you or whomever.
Yea, we agree to disagree. What happened to Sophie? She added lots to the discussion but all you did was slam her for saying basically what you said only in a funnier way. You were the one using crude and rude remarks. But, look how babyfied you are making a list of your own. Raise that mirror up to yourself. To thineself be true or some such shit.
HMMMM. So glad you’ll be sticking around. The French perfume is maiking me sick.
15 November 2011 at 7:22 pm
Sophia
WOW! Busy day on here. My heartfelt congratulations to HMMMM for the wonderful news of your engagement. This website needs hope. You certainly provided it today. Raced through the entries and am amused to say the least. FYI~ Thankfully, I speak for myself. I do not need or encourage anyone else fighting my battles for me. That would not have served me in court today nor would it in my outside life. Thank you all the same.
Tres pathetique, mon ami!
15 November 2011 at 7:39 pm
Tom
I’m Thomas who posted a few days ago answering to Bitterman, I just wanted to point out that me and newer Tom and I are not the same poster, I’d never talk to a young lady that way.
On a lighter note, I’d like to inform you that my homebreaker DUMPED my ex recently, it seems like many stories are destined end that way…
Kudos on the upcoming nuptials HMMMkkk!
15 November 2011 at 7:59 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkk
Thanks, Sophia and Tom.
As for your news, yes… it does seem that those stories often end that way. I wonder when people will realize, it is easier to water the grass you have to keep it green than it is to jump ship for what looks green in the distance. lol
15 November 2011 at 8:00 pm
Victoria
Tom,
Glad your ex got what was coming. KARMA!
HMMMM,
So happy for you, Sister!
15 November 2011 at 8:04 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkk
15 November 2011 at 8:26 pm
Julia
Cheers Tom, it seems like relationships that start out with betrayal, can’t but end that way.
And Sophie, I actually think I should apologise to presume you were writing under a different name, it really seemed that way to me, seeing the writing, but later on, I realised the guys’ isults vere of a much heavier and more random nature and must admit I was probably mistaken, also because I’m sure you know what ad hominem means.
Also, we decided to move on from the all ‘feud about registers’ thing, because it was really pointless. We disagree, let’s leave it at that.
15 November 2011 at 9:07 pm
Sophia
AMEN! My beef was with Bitter. To repeat, was also backing HMMMM who stated that Bitter gets no sympathy here. This blog is meant for those who’ve been wronged and not the wrongdoers It’s of comfort to me that HMMMM has found love again, as each of us strives to heal from past heartbreaks. While relishing in our ex’s karma might provide temporary satisfaction, here’s to finding real love again. Pleasant dreams.
15 November 2011 at 9:48 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkk
::;raising a glass::: Here’s to it… it is all the sweeter when you know exactly how precious the gift of faithful, steadfast true love is. This is something homewreckers and the hapless cheaters will never know.
15 November 2011 at 10:02 pm
The MRS.
This is to the piece of crap whore who is texting my husband dirty, disgustin pix of her sagging, orange-sprayed boobs. May you get what you deserve in both this life and the next.
16 November 2011 at 2:47 am
bitterman26
Nothing to admit too. I was clearly blinkered by beauty and love and listened to my heart rather than my head.
I have been around the block a few times and have met older women, same age women etc. This woman was way beyond her years until she ended it.
She asked me repeatedly to leave home for her. Not once did she ever say ‘go home to your family, my parents don’t approve, this is wrong’. Instead I got ‘when can I see you next, you spend more time with her than me, I never see you. I miss you so much and want to be with you’. We talked about marriage and kids etc. It was all discussed, i just had to leave home first…
Yes I did wrong, I should have left my ex before engaging with another. That was totally wrong of me.
Next time, should I be lucky enough to ever fall in love again I will be strongly listening to my head.
Congrats to the above on forthcoming marriage, for this I am jealous.
Take care all. I’m out of here.
16 November 2011 at 3:02 am
BitterMan26
ooooh one more thing, she deleted and blocked all her friends (facebook) from the place we worked at but never blocked me…..strange wouldnt you say? If i was that bad to her then why keep me open…….
16 November 2011 at 11:11 am
Hodge
Why aren’t you getting it yet? SHE WAS TOO YOUNG! We both got involved with teenagers…not quite women. Saying she was beyond her years doesn’t mean she was. At that age, none of us knew what we wanted. We just liked feeling wanted and would say anything to keep that feeling going. As a guy, you should know that. Who are you trying to convince? Yourself? They were not ready regardless of what words came out of their mouths. Blinkered by beauty and love…don’t you really mean lust? Let’s be honest here! What turnip truck did you fall off of anyhow?
16 November 2011 at 11:14 am
Hodge
HALLELUJAH!!!! Good riddance to bad rubbish.
16 November 2011 at 12:34 pm
S.O.S.
Someboy help!
Need advice on what to do. Just found evidence that my “beloved” sent an expensive spa day of beauty pkg. to another woman. How would you handle this? Already confronted him but he denies it. Called the place and they confirmed it so I know I’m not nuts. Where do I go from here?
16 November 2011 at 1:56 pm
Hmmm Kkkk
Take a deep breath… gather your evidence, in writing if possible (credit card statements, receipts, ect.) .. and present it to him again to offer one final opportunity to come clean or explain. If he doesn’t offer an explaination that is plausible and satisfies you, curb-kicking time; Because at this point, he is not only cheating, but now lying to you as well. How would you ever be able to trust anything he ever said again?
If, however, it turns out this spa pkg was purchased as a surprise for you, or that the credit card co made a mistake, it offers a great opportunity to start a dialogue between you about the topic. Generally, when you suspect someone of cheating enough to look for evidence, something is not quite right in the relationship.
Good luck to you… and I mean that sincerely
16 November 2011 at 4:25 pm
the MRs.
Brought i tup w/o asking this time and he’s still denying it. Told him I called the salon and they confirmed his purchase along with giving me a name of who he gave it to. Can I call her and find out what the hell is going on since he won’t come clean? Never gave me one of those.
16 November 2011 at 9:19 pm
the MRs.
Just got done raising my voice letting him know I KNOW about the gift and to come clean. Still won’t. Denying it without giving eye contact so I said that tomorrow I’m calling the spa to find out why he ws charged for something he did not purchase. For now, find myself sharpening the knives.
16 November 2011 at 10:18 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkkk
I wouldn’t call her… but that’s just me. Homewreckers are beneath me. Again, get the written evidence and kick him to the curb. He was given an opportunity to come clean. Any man who WASN’T trying to hide something would go apeshit in finding out himself why his credit card was charged for something he didn’t authorize.
16 November 2011 at 10:19 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkkk
BTW, if you are married, keep that evidence… marital waste of community funds are material facts when the Court is arranging a divorce settlement. In the Court’s opinion, why should YOUR half of the money got to support his mistress?
17 November 2011 at 7:11 am
MRs.
Thanks 4 this info. Never heard of marital waste of comm. funds.
17 November 2011 at 10:17 am
Hmmmm Kkkkk
Obviously, the specifics depend on your state statutes. However, in my state, it works like this:
Divorcing couple has net worth of 50,000. Theoretically, each spouse gets $25,000.00. However, it is discovered (and evidenced) that one spouse spent $5000.00 at some point on “extracurricular” activity. The judge will then order that the spending spouse forfeit $5,000.00 of his half to the other spouse, leading to a split of $20,000.00 to $30,000.00.
Additionally, if one spouse can prove the other spent funds on gambling, drugs, alcohol, ect… that would also be considered waste of community funds… even if it had nothing to do with being unfaithful.
17 November 2011 at 11:21 am
Julia
You have to be married in comminity of property on order for that apply, right?
Do people still do that in the states (or is it a state jurisdiction thing)?
18 November 2011 at 8:05 am
Hmmmm Kkkkk
While it is almost guaranteed in community property states, even those states that have “equitable distribution” policies work much the same way. The only difference, really, is that the base of what is considered “marital property” is expanded… sometimes to a ridiculous degree. For example, Mass. is probably the scariest state to divorce in as ALL property is considered marital property whether it was acquired during the marriage or prior to; and from what I understand, that includes gifts and inheritance.
Not an expert on any state but know a great deal more about my own, which is a community property state. And just to clarify, it doesn’t matter where you marry, only where you divorce.
18 November 2011 at 10:56 am
Julia
Wow, scary.
Here, you can choose, when you get married or enter a civil union if you wish to merge your assets or not.
Most people who get married today keep their assets separated and just put a couple of things, like the house they share and an account they use for common expenses, under both names.
The idea that if you get divorced your ex can take half of what you’ve earned and even your family money is really frightening.
I guess it safeguards women who don’t have jobs though.
18 November 2011 at 1:08 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkk
I have long been an advocate of having every contractual coupling be a Civil Union… and leaving “marriage” in the hands of the church… But for WHOLE other reasons. lol
The tragedy of the US (others countries as well as far as I know) is that when some legal policy is shown to be flawed, instead of just tweaking it, we go too far in the opposite direction. lol For many years, it was policy in a divorce for the men to retain everything. It was believed that the woman could go back to her family or find another man to care for her so she had no need for means of her own. Often, this “everything” included the children because of inheritance rights.
When women began being locked away in asylums on a grand scale because of their inability to take care of themselves, the policy changed. Then for many years, men were required to finance the ex-wife’s existance for the rest of her life. Additionally, children stayed with the mothers until time for them to take over whatever inheritance was due them. This led to a rash of women getting married simply because it guaranteed a lifetime of financial security… and they could behave however they liked as they had nothing to lose.
Ironically, the women’s lib movement actually aided in ending this practice. Women were encouraged to take care of themselves. While they still demanded their fair share, they took more responsibility for their needs and time limits were imposed on separate maintenance awards. The Courts started favoring a 50/50 split in the interest of fairness. This is still the norm. However, if the woman could prove that the fault of the divorce lie with the man, she could get more. If the man could prove the wife at fault, she got less. Many states still follow this. The advent of the “no-fault” divorce policy in some states put a stop to this.. but there were challenges in the Court when people planned in advance to leave their spouse and started moving assets in anticipation. This led to the rulings that allowed community waste to be considered. You cannot hide money, and you cannot deliberate waste money to keep your spouse from getting anything.
Spousal support, or separate maintenance, is not the norm anymore as both spouses are usually employed or at least employable. However, Sargeant v. Sargeant addressed the Court’s alarm at men dumping old wives to acquire younger wives, leaving the first wives at a disadvantage because they could no longer bear children.. or their marketability was compromised because they had put more effort into raising children than advancing a career. So, in some cases, spousal support is awarded because the Courts feel that is the only way to make the division equitable. (To men as well as women, by the way.)
Each State still has mechanisms in place for asset division that guards against “gold-diggers.” A prenuptual agreement can be implemented that allows for each party to retain sole and separate property that cannot be divided upon divorce. However, as most property is acquired within the marriage, it only seems fair that both parties are appropriately compensated. A prenuptual agreement, however, is a MUST for those who are concerned about inheritance rights, ect. Because my intended and I are grown people with property of our own (as well as children of our own), we have a prenuptual agreement that what I come with, I leave with and vice versa. Those things we acquire together, we split.
So… yeah.. that was long. lol Sorry. Probably more than you wanted to know about US family law. lol
23 November 2011 at 12:36 am
hodge
Happy Thanksgiving to All on here! Even Bitter, the poor SOB. Met a gal & saw her last nite. HMMMM, you have me thinking positive.
23 November 2011 at 9:53 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
23 November 2011 at 1:09 pm
hodge
HMMMM, I even like your name! Thanks & u r right about it being a good day. At least it’s a step in the right direction…forward.
27 November 2011 at 2:14 pm
the MRs.
The MR. finally came clean about his hoestess, mistress, whatever she is. Why do men cheat with ugly nasty women? Could poossibly understand if a woman is more attractive far easier then when their a step down. Thanksgiving was ruined. The MRs.
27 November 2011 at 9:15 pm
Hmmm Kkkkk
lol Thanks, Hodge.
Mrs… I am so sorry to hear that.
Who knows why people cheat at all… ugly, pretty, old, young… trust me, the pain is the same. We will be here when you need to talk. {{{Mrs}}}
29 November 2011 at 5:59 pm
{{{MRs.}}}
What would u do if u found a letter from mister’s mistress stating she wants 2 have his baby blah, blah, blah. Do I confront her, him, share letter w/ attorney(s), cry, take tantrum, drink heavily,or all the abobve.
30 November 2011 at 5:38 pm
MRs.
Anybody? Mr. is out looking for an apt. …
1 December 2011 at 5:50 am
homewrecker
MRs… is he looking for an apartment for himself, or his mistress? I think the less drama the better. Seek counseling. Take the letter to a lawyer, decide what you want to do, make your plan. Some states penalize spouses for adultery which can mean additional alimony to you. But prepare yourself: some states have years-long waiting periods for divorce. Try not to cry in front of anyone if you can help it. Avoid useless activities such as tantrums and self-destructive binge drinking. You need to stay sharp! And you need to stay strong. You may be getting ready for war.
1 December 2011 at 11:55 am
MRs.
Mr. came home with his lail beteen his legs. Says hs wrong. orDo you fergive a man the fist time or send hism packing?
1 December 2011 at 11:04 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkk
Oh, hun, I am dreadfully sorry this has happened to you. And if you are anything like me, you might be tempted to do E) all of the above. Only you know what your level of forgiveness is. Only you know if you would be able to move forward in the marriage from this point. I knew my limitations and threw mine out after the first time. He said he was wrong, he said he was sorry… but I knew, I would never be able to trust him again. To try and stay would have doomed both of our lives to misery.
One thing I do not advise is any confrontation with the homewrecker. She doesn’t deserve the thrill she might get in your unhappiness.. and she certainly is not worth a phone call. The very FIRST thing I would do is as advised above… seek some counselling… They have a marvelous way of helping you see how you REALLY feel whether you really want to or not.
Just an aside… if you had ever hoped to lose a few pounds… well, that is about to happen. lol I lost 35 lbs within the first six months after the separation. My mom lost 20 when it happened to her. If you need to talk, I will happily provide my email address…. and I do try to pop in here whenever I see a new post.
3 December 2011 at 2:27 pm
maggie
I saddens me to know of other women being betrayed because I know how hurtful and mean it is. That other women can do this to another woman is despicable. As for the husbands, some can be redeemed and others can’t. Only you can know whether you can regain trust in him or live without much trust for the future. I am a firm believer in outing the other woman publicly. I agree that confronting her is a waste of time. If she had any decency she wouldn’t have trespassed on your marriage. But since she was willing to use her name in her perverted efforts to take your husband from the marriage, I think it only fair and just that she be outed by that same name.
4 December 2011 at 7:02 am
MRs.
Need help handling emoshins. Crying n eating z no way 2 live. Ashamed 2 share this w/ real faces. Raw woond. Gave my all 2 this guy only 2 have him re-pay me w/ betrayal n bullshit. Can’t look him in the eye.
4 December 2011 at 9:29 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
I know it feels like it, but you really won’t live this way. This is a transitional period.. a period of mourning. When it happened to me, I didn’t tell anyone for a week. And then I only told my close family. It wasn’t for a very long time that I was able to understand this shame was not mine to carry.. so I could hold my head high and tell the story.
Crying is normal… is expected… and it serves a purpose. Unless you face the emotion, it will never go away. I urge you to talk to a counsellor.. and be careful not to compound your problem by overmedicating. You are far stronger than you realize and you are about to find that out.
You have every right to feel angry, betrayed.. and yes, even sorry for yourself. But to control the damage these emotions may do, you have to put limits on it. Give yourself permission to throw a pity party… cry, scream… but put a time limit on the party. Tell yourself, “this party starts at 2 and ends at 3.” and try to stick within that time frame. Make a list of other things you want to accomplish so you know what you will be doing when the party is over.
Each day, you will find that the party time gets shorter and shorter… You will come out of this a stronger person, that I promise you. Life has good things in store or you wouldn’t be going through this strengthening exercise. My email addy is ccaterer@live.com (I do hope that is allowed)… and I check it regularly.
Hang in there, sister.
4 December 2011 at 2:05 pm
MRs.
Your mesage made me cry. Don;t; know u n u show more heart then the guy who gave me his at the alter, Thank u 4 caring.
4 December 2011 at 5:21 pm
Hmmm Kkkkk
No problem at all, hun.
Many of us have been where you are.. and we are still breathing. If anything I have been through can help another person cope, then the whole thing had purpose.
9 December 2011 at 5:53 pm
laurie
It breaks my heart to hear all these stories of betrayal and see all the pain it causes. At least we know we are not alone. Be relentless in standing up for yourself. Out the home wrecker. Call the piece of junk by name and don’t hesitate to tell everyone who knows her. Don’t take crap. Hang in there. The good guys win in the end.
13 December 2011 at 11:28 pm
Kelly
My insignificant other is defensive of our homewrecker because she has a good business and outing her could ruin it. She refuses to back off so why should I care to do so? Also just heard that a wife in N. Carolina sued the mistress for taking what was hers and WON! Is that true?
14 December 2011 at 8:36 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/5486516-wife-sues-husbands-mistsress-and-wins-9-million-in-court
Yes.. she won 9 million dollars, actually. As for your other question, you shouldn’t care. I have absolutely no problem with “outing” anyone. I only advise against direct confrontation, for obvious reasons. To protect yourself in the “outing” of someone who may have the resources to sue you… the allegations must be true.. and you must be able to produce evidence of the same. (Even your husband’s admission is evidence.) Would have been nice if your insignificant other had been as protective of you as he appears to be of her. I do hope he is an ex.
15 December 2011 at 2:08 pm
MRs.
How does one go about/where does one out the wrecker? Thanks for all the info. Fell empowered by this blog already.
15 December 2011 at 2:46 pm
homewrecker
One woman wrote everyone in her area with the name of her h/w. You could also mail everyone you and your husband know. You could buy a billboard, place a personals ad, write her name and phone number in every restroom in the area. You can send letters to her employer, skywrite over her church, and give out pamphlets at her civic group meetings. You can even post her name on this board… many people have done that, and more, all with questionable results. NONE of those things is as classy as holding your head up high, not publicly reacting, and keeping your dirty laundry (and hers) between you and your husband. Stay classy, MRs.
15 December 2011 at 7:47 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkk
You can out her here, if you like. lol It will get it out of your system and then you can “stay classy” as advised above. You don’t even have to give her name.. just rant and rave and call her whatever names you like. If you will look WAAAYyy back inthe past, you will see I did this. lol But truly? The best revenge against her and your soon to be ex, is a wonderfully lived life.
15 December 2011 at 7:48 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkk
Hope you are feeling stronger, by the way.
15 December 2011 at 8:50 pm
Homewrecked by the Village Bicycle
To Melanie Broadbent (aka HOMEWRECKING *****),
Really, what the ****?
Honestly, just what the **** were you thinking? You knew he was with me. You knew he had children. You knew he slept beside me every night. And you knew that I knew nothing. Is that what made it so delicious? So tempting? That I appeared by his side at various events, utterly clueless to what was going on behind my back? Did you feel triumphant? That you’d beat me at something? You would actually work so hard to start up a conversation with me – ask about our kids. Really? Who are you?
Okay, so I looked stupid, at least to you. Is the satisfaction of that worth sacrificing your own dignity? Because, really, how can you have any dignity when you’re pulling on your panties in an empty office building as he races out the door to be home in time for dinner?
How can you have any dignity when you get 15 minutes in the back of a van, and then you have to drive yourself back to your pathetic home…while he returns to the one we built together.
And frankly, though I might have looked stupid, and perhaps pitiful, to you…and your moron friends who not only laughed at me, but at you as well.… (not that I give a **** about the opinions of low life welfare moms who spend their free time boinking each others husbands – because yeah, I know about that ****, too), I’ll take stupid over sleazy, low and cruel any day of the week.
No matter how awful it felt to be me when I found out, I’d still take that over being you. No matter that my eyes were practically swollen shut from crying, I could still look myself square in the mirror without any shame.
Did you think it was simply a matter of time? That you would be appealing enough for him to walk away from the life he’d built? That all those fantasies you’d convinced yourself of – that I nagged, that I was lousy in bed, that I was boring and bitchy – were actually true? Did you really believe that any relationship based on deception would deliver you from your unhappiness?
And yes. You had to have been unhappy, you stupid ****. I must have been such a ***** in your eyes. I had it all, didn’t I? I worked hard, our friends (the same ones you were sleeping your way through), loved me and respected me. Some times even made decisions based on an opinion of mine. My children were well rounded, smart and most importantly had their Daddy living at home with them. I had the house, the cars, the brains. What did you have? A welfare cheque and legs so easily parted to expose a ***** that could bend metal. Quite the combination.
How does it feel to know that in the end no one respected you enough to stay and support your choices? You were good enough to lie down with, but how come no one wants to date you? Or move in with you? Or marry you, *****? Why is that, hmmm? I made it easy for you, huh? Isn’t that what you said? Yeah, you made it easy for me, too. Can you see me smiling?
My guess is that very few Homewreckers honestly admit their role as an accomplice in the intentional hurting and deception of another human being. Often another human being you don’t know. Or barely know. Or perhaps, shockingly, know well. Instead, they sell themselves clichés. Something along the lines of “we couldn’t help ourselves”, “the chemistry was too powerful. All of which, I suspect you recognize on some level, as total bullshit.
Simply, because you knew. You knew that I was being hurt, even if I didn’t yet know it. You knew I was being lied to and betrayed. You willingly participated in that…Oh so happily.
My children were being hurt…and yeah I know you don’t owe them anything, I mean they weren’t yours, right? You still contributed to the potential dissolution of their family. That was a choice you made, and you don’t get to absolve yourself from that responsibility. So, again? Who the **** do you think you are that you could deliberately inflict pain on my children? Did you think I would hear this news and see their pain, and not have ANY reaction to that? And I’m the stupid one, right? You call yourself a mother? You really are one stupid, ****, you know that?
And for what?
Maybe 10 mins? (I can speak freely now – and with soaring confidence that it wasn’t – could not have been so good – with such a complete lack of love and respect). You should know it took years of practice for him to get even that close. Besides, with the amount of **** you’ve had – can you even remember his, now?
Were the feelings of superiority, if only for the brief time he was with you, so intoxicating that it made all the humiliating departures, all the embarrassment when you were caught, all the shame this no doubt triggered, worth it?
And if he left me for you? What would you have gained? Three emotionally damaged children every second weekend? (Easy, *****…you can take the dollar signs out of your eyes, now…Wasn’t going to happen.)
A man who lies and cheats. A man who doesn’t have the self-control to stop himself from doing something he knows to be wrong. To be hurtful. What a prize. Guess what? If he’s not willing to become something better than that – he’s all yours. You’d have gotten exactly what you deserve – exactly what you’re worth.
In this case, (because I’m sure you’ve done this before)…you were shocked when everyone having heard this story just up and left you to stand alone. Not one of them hesitated. Not for a second.
Though I’ve destroyed you in my head a thousand times, I loathe the look of you. I did feel a moment of pity for you. I mean who does something like this unless they value themselves so little that they settle for left overs rather than demand respect and kindness…unless they’re so delusional that they really believe that this is how true love manifests.
I felt sorry enough for you that I wrote that letter to your family. I wanted you to get all the love and support you so obviously needed in order to change your ways. Your family – your mom, dad, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents – all of them listed with phone numbers and complete addresses–were best suited to help guide you back to the path of the straight and narrow. At least, I thought so. Can you see me smiling?
It has been over a year, *****. July 17th, 2010 – a date that’s seared into my mental calendar. I have no idea where you are now and I don’t care. I still wish you a painful, long, drawn out death…if only to spare another woman the agony of finding out that you’re sleeping with her husband. Or if only to make sure that Karma gets it right and you don’t end up with a happily ever after.
So, while I’m sure you’re out there working hard on making another baby I’ll (and the rest of us hardworking citizens) will have to feed, telling yourself that you have every reason to hold your head up and that you’re worth all the drama – know that there was never any contest and you were never the prize.
15 December 2011 at 9:14 pm
Homewrecked by the Village Bicycle
Words I’ve longed to scream at her, but never have. Pain is individual. Grief has its stages. Stay on the right side of law (as even I did). I mailed a different letter to all the members of her family and several strangers with her surname; that is true. But I don’t feel it wasn’t “classy”, and I won’t apologise for it. Every word I wrote was true. I can’t erase what they did ( my husband and the whore), but telling her family DID make me feel a little better. It did. That’s the whole ugly truth, and I hope that I’m not judged too harshly. It was one of three things I did when I found out. I posted my story on the homewreckersandharlots.com site, I wrote and mailed the letters, and I threw him out. It was part of my journey and I don’t regret it. She called the law of course. Threatened to sue, naturally. He gave her a highlighter and told her point out the les. She couldn’t. He called me and told me that he would shake my hand. Then he told me to let it go.
I did.
But I still grieve. Every day. Writing letters helps me (I don’t mail them snymore, but I still write them like the one I posted just now).
I know this must get better at some point, but every women/MSN here that has gone through this knows the stages. You can’t just race to the end stage. At least I dont believe that. I’m still going through it.
Mrs. It really is one day at a time. I’m so sorry for your pain.
15 December 2011 at 11:50 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkk
Sweetie, I don’t judge you at all.. I have been there and know how overwhelming the pain and anger is. I know what it is like to look into the eyes of your children and see the betrayal and lost innocence… and knowing that no matter what, you can never fix that for them.
For myself… I have an irrational loathing of all young women with long brown hair.. all women named jen… all cocktail waitresses and anyone who majors in sociology. lol That will probably be with me for a while. The ex is… well, the ex. He gets his each time he has to say goodbye to his children because his visitation is over. He gets his every time he looks in their faces and knows he trashed their lives for a peice of well-used ass. He gets his when the kids talk in glowing terms about my soon to be husband helping them with homework… teaching them to drive… even making barely edible hamburger helper while I was in school. lol He gets to hear about the man who has taken his place in their lives and know that he caused it.
But she? The whore who used an old man’s fear of not being young and turned it into money… the bitch who claimed to “understand him” sooo much better than his wife of 25 years… the sloppy spermdumpster who’s left leg hasn’t seen her right leg in years…. well, she seems to have gotten off scott free. Sometimes, I still get angry at the injustice of it all… although it has nothing to do with missing him.
But most of the time, I’m just fine.
LOL
16 December 2011 at 1:32 am
MRs.
. Still crying and eating my sorrow 4 a cheating dog. This has taken what was left of my self worth. Keep picturing it in my mind and can’t stop. Mine chose well used ass over me except she has money n splerges on him.
16 December 2011 at 4:42 am
homewrecker
MRs., Self-worth comes from within. Use your anger and sadness to help pickup yourself by the bootstraps: set goals, affirm your core beliefs, and make your plan to separate yourself from those who drag you down. If you want revenge, go for it! You are well-positioned to wreck her life. Depending on where you live, you may be entitled to a larger alimony settlement if the grounds are adultery. Or you could sue, or depending on how she earns her money, the press may be interested in her indiscretions. But the truth is, the best revenge is to live well and happily. Time wounds all heels.
16 December 2011 at 7:47 am
Hmmmm Kkkkk
No, honey… your self-worth is just covered by the pain temporarily. Deep down, you know what you are worth and it is certainly more than what any other person on the planet says or does. Believe it or not, you will get past this inch by inch, and have already begun the journey. You have already gone through the shock and denial. The sorrow sometimes gives way to anger, or you wouldn’t be thinking about revenge. You CAN do this… you already have. The knowlege did not destroy you… and truly, that is the worst part. Just keep taking that next step forward.
You never know… as horrible as this is, this might end up being the catalyst for some positive changes in your life. School? A career change? Hell, even changing your hair color. lol Go to your “parties” for now as you have to go through these emotions instead of around them.. but when they are done, make a plan. {{{{hugs}}}}
17 December 2011 at 8:40 am
MRs.
He is constantly texting. How do I stop it once and for all?
17 December 2011 at 8:43 am
swm-uk
if his texts are threatening then call the police , if not just ignore them
17 December 2011 at 1:36 pm
homewrecker
There’s an app for that! Search “block texts.” Otherwise, seek legal counsel.
17 December 2011 at 3:37 pm
margaret
I tried to be a homewrecker and failed. I went after a married man and got him to email me for a year and to make plans to see me but nothing ever happened because his wife found out. She went ballistics and I have paid a big price.
17 December 2011 at 5:11 pm
Hmmmm Kkkkkk
I would block as well… or delete them unread, Mrs. Prior to seeking legal counsel, send one text warning that any further text will constitute harrassment. And if the harrassment continues, you will be forced to ask the court to intervene. The court’s expect people to make a “good faith effort” to stop contact on their own before they will get involved. If he continues to text after that point, he is subject to a behavior order. If it continues after that, he is subject to fines and sanctions.
If there is anything even remotely threatening in the texts, contact the police straight away and file for a TPO (temporary protection order). This puts him on notice that his behavior is being monitored and further threats will result in jail time. Hang in there, sweetie.
Margaret – I do hope you have learned something from the experience. The fact that you failed to be a homewrecker is a positive thing, believe me. Once the price has been paid for your attempt, I am certain you will find yourself in a better place.
3 January 2012 at 10:08 am
Hmmm Kkkk
Totally off-topic, here.. but just letting you all know, the wedding went off without a hitch.
We had a lovely weekend that was truly magical in that absolutely nothing went wrong! lol No wardrobe malfunctions, no travel delays, no under cooked pasta, nothing… So, I am again a married woman with high hopes for the future. Homewreckers can ruin your marriage, but not your life. 
)
3 January 2012 at 7:54 pm
Wounded Warrior
Congrats on ur marriage. Glad to hear ur life is on track despite the homewrecker of old. Question to all: Has anyone advice on filing suit against these types for intentional affliction of emotional distress? Am seriously considering meeting with an attorney to do so but would like to know more before doing so. The biotchwho has been sexting my man won’t stop regardless of my insistence. Would love to expose her to all of her clients since she defines herself by what she does for a living… instead of for the dirty skank she really is. Your thoughts please.
4 January 2012 at 12:51 am
homewrecker
Why isn’t your husband blocking her “sexting?” You know, that’s all he has to do. So why doesn’t he do it?
4 January 2012 at 8:04 am
Hmmm Kkkkkk
If you are married, depending on which state you are in, you MIGHT be able to sue for alienation of affection.. if you divorce. However, there are only a handful of states that still have this law on the books.
Harassment requires that she be texting YOU, rather than the gentleman. It also requires that you have sought ways to stop the unwanted contact.. like contacting the police or filing for a temporary order of protectio, ect… In some states, getting a TPO is relatively easy. Other states, a person must prove physical danger exists.
Emotional distress usually falls under personal injury law. While you can sue for emotional distress, it is quite difficult to prevail when there is no physical aspect involved. You would also need to prove that financial injury has resulted. (Kind of like, “I was so afraid to leave my house, I lost my job.”
If you are not married… or if you are not divorcing… it sounds as if there are no legal remedies for what you describe. As mentioned above, the gentleman in question has the power to stop the activity by blocking the messages. I would question why he hasn’t done so.
4 January 2012 at 9:21 pm
WW
He hasn’t blocked it because he obviously likes it Our marriage has been lack lustre of late and this raunchy attention must be stroking his ego.. Won’t admit he’s involved and locks his phone knowing that I’m onto it. If I’m paying the phone bill, do I have grounds to deem her behavior distressful while trying to save my marriage? Simpky don’t know what to do since calling it quits was never an option for me. Love & care too much for him not to put up a fight.
5 January 2012 at 4:48 am
homewrecker
What about YOUR ego? I’d chunk his phone in the closest lake! Love and care for yourself — NOT him. Why should you fight anyone or anything for a man who is clearly not putting YOU first? Love yourself. Dump the jerk.
5 January 2012 at 8:19 am
WW
More help here. What if the guy has been good for years before the wrecker era? Does that all get tossed out because somebody is making him think she has more to offer? He is not putting her first either because he is home with me. She is a middle aged hoe with kids to multiple men who is desperate to find a good man. I am both disgusted and saddened that any woman would have to lower herself to sending a married guy pictures of her aged body hoping to steal him away from his family. Has society decayed that much? When asked to back off, she said she was OK behaving this way since it had been done to her.She missed the moral of the story entirely. If I “dump the jerk” then wouldn;t I be leading him right to her? Shouldn’t we fight for that which we love rather than abandoning them? Do 2 wrongs make a right?
5 January 2012 at 8:31 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
If you live in one of the seven states that have “alienation of affection” laws, (Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Hampshire, North Carolina, New Mexico, South Dakota, and Utah) you can sue her with Court-approved evidence. You will most likely need to contact an investigator/attorney to determine which evidence you would need for your state. You will also want to make sure she has assets that would make a suit worthwhile as it will cost you money.
If the phone is in your name, you can certainly call the company and have the caller blocked. You can also have the phone shut off. I imagine this loss will not go un-noticed by your husband. And while it may open up an avenue of conversation between you, it will also probably piss him off… so, be prepared to deal with that.
The fact that he has not blocked the phone, and worse, locks it against your review is concerning. Any suit against “the other woman” is likely to end whatever attempts at saving your marriage there may be. But one person cannot save a marriage. If your husband is not willing to do his part, you may have little choice about whether you end up divorced. Have you asked him to participate in marriage counseling? His response may offer a clue about the future of your relationship. Please, do not make the mistake that so many do (me, included for a time) of sacrificing your dignity on the altar of a failed relationship. Divorce, while painful, is not the end of the world. And it is certainly less devastating than living the rest of your life with no sense of self-worth.
HW is right in that you must love yourself enough to demand respect. You are worthy of love and devotion and should accept nothing less. Whether your marriage survives or not, you are at a crossroads in your relationship with yourself. If you give up your dignity and self-respect now in an attempt to save a marriage only you care about, what do you think that will tell your husband about your value?
5 January 2012 at 8:46 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
Fighting for your marriage is a praiseworthy goal. But clear boundaries must be set or it is not a fight, but a surrender. I wish I had known way back then some of the things I know now… but with that in mind, here is how I would handle it now.
1) Dear, we have had a wonderful marriage and have many more meaningful years ahead. However, I am afraid we are getting derailed and that may mean the end of our relationship.
2) I am asking you to attend marriage counseling with me so that we can get our marriage back on track. I want both of us to be happy and feel secure in our relationship, and I think we might need some help in removing those things that would prevent that.
3) You have denied a relationship with ____, in spite of her actions. I want to believe you and am drawing on the faithfulness you have shown over the years. However, when you refuse to put an end to her contact, I feel you are allowing another person to disrepect both of us, as well as the bond we have together. Worse, when you lock your phone to keep me from seeing the contact, I feel an increase in suspicion that runs counter to what you want me to believe.
4) I respect myself and believe we are both worthy of devotion and loyalty. I cannot allow this to continue to erode my self confidence. I care about our relationship so much that I want to remain the girl you fell in love with. This degradation is preventing me from doing that.
5) I feel you have a choice to make, Dear. If you are truly committed to this marriage, I am asking that you do what is needed to preserve it.
5 January 2012 at 9:00 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
Not to get overly long winded here (too late. lol)… But I have been where you are. I know the absolute terror of losing what you have always known. I was married a quarter of a century to a “good man.” And was convinced I could not live without him.. that I didn’t want to. I could not believe that I was in danger of losing everything I had spent my life building. As I was still in love with my husband, I was willing to do almost anything to keep him. I told myself I was fighting for my marriage… but in reality, I was reacting in fear. (Not saying this is the case with you.. just relating my story.) I was afraid of what the future my hold for someone who had identified herself as ___’s wife for most of her adult life.
My mom said one thing that turned it all around for me. I have daughters and she asked, “If you allow yourself to be treated this way, exactly what message are you sending them?” With great trepidation and abject terror, I stepped out there. I demanded respect because I finally realized I deserved it. And while there have been some heartbreaking moments, my life is absolutely wonderful.. and more than I ever thought it could be. Re-gaining my sense of self-worth allowed me to take risks by returning to school… start a new career … re-enter the dating world (for the first time since the Reagan administration. lol) and find the “me” that was buried under the wife title. She’s pretty cool, actually and has a lot more to offer than just killer lasagne. lol
Whether your marriage survives this crisis or not, you have got to find that girl. And it starts with insisting that you be treated with the respect and loyalty you deserve. Whether your husband is actually cheating or not, he is definitely breaching the “honor and cherish” part of the vows.
5 January 2012 at 11:50 am
homewrecker
Hmmm, Wanted to congratulate you on your marriage! I missed that post earlier and just saw it today. And many thanks to all of you for allowing this lowly homewrecker to hang out here.
In case anyone is wondering, I am a homewrecker because my childhood friend and I wrecked both our unhappy, miserable homes to be together. That was 10 years ago, we are still together, married, and still deeply in love with one another. After we’d been married 6 years, I went back to live with my ex (800 miles away) when he was diagnosed with lung cancer, and I cared for him full-time for more than a year until he died. In the end, he understood why I left and he died knowing that, in spite of everything, I still loved him enough to be there when he needed me.
5 January 2012 at 12:51 pm
Hmmm Kkkkk
Thank you for the well wishes
Personally, I try (note the word try. lol) not to judge people for things they have done in the past. Those who “wreck” and try to excuse their behavior are one thing.. those who have “wrecked” and either A) regret the decision or B) have learned something and might do things differently.. are an entirely different matter. My REAL problem is with those who set their caps for a man they know is married.. without any thought at all to what they are putting others through… simply because they can.
5 January 2012 at 6:30 pm
WW
Thank you both for caring enough to reply with regard to my pathetic situation. Have been crying my eyeballs out for hours over your replies. Noticed where others on here have found themselves too hurt to share with family and friends which is where I am. Just hide in this house and am haunted by this horrible whore who laughs louder knowing the pain she is putting me through. Want so much to be able to convey the things you suggest but fall apart trying. Just cry. Will try again tomorrow.
5 January 2012 at 7:24 pm
homewrecker
It’s your party and you can cry if you want to, or if you need to. I’m sorry if our replies made you cry. We are not trying to make you feel badly. We are trying to make you stronger! But, it’s too soon yet. It’s all too raw. You are in mourning and he is still in your house, isn’t he? Can you get away for a little while? Is there someone you can lean on? If you are spiritual, now is the time for call for help. Try to remember this: Things WILL get better. Much, MUCH better. Give yourself a little more time. Like a long, dark tunnel, you have to go through it to get past it. There will be new light and air on the other side, I promise.
5 January 2012 at 7:46 pm
Hmmm Kkkkk
Honey, I have been exactly where you are. Most of us have. I think I cried for about a week before I could even let anyone know.. and then, it was only my mom. My best friend didn’t know for another two weeks. I am not sure if men feel this way or not… but as a woman, I felt like a failure even though I had done nothing wrong. Feel what you feel, honey.. you cannot go around these emotions, you have to go through them. But HW is absolutely right… one way or another, this WILL get better. Just hang on; we are here with you every step of the way.
6 January 2012 at 2:58 pm
WW
He unlocked his phone today after repeating your words to him ( as best I could while sobbing like a baby.) Wish I could hire you to speak for me, Hmmmm, since this is not my area of expertise. Failure is the perfect word to describe feelings inside. Marvels me how people think nothing of destroying others’ lives for the thrill of the hunt. My balding, middle-aged man has little money, little sense amongst other little things. (lol) Yet, this person acts like she has struck gold. All that glitters certainly isn’t. Maybe, the two deserve each other afterall. HW, how I do wish I could get away for awhile. Would jump in a garbage can to hide if I could. Feel so darn humilated and cringe at his cheshire smile. More hurt, crushed, destroyed, depressed, sleep deprived, than i’ve ever been and over what? A stupid man and his unattractive, uneducated, sideline skank.
BTW, are there laws against sexting? Also, could I publish the sappy lust letters written by this person somewhere to make her feel the humiliation I am currently suffering? Don;t know what direction I’m going in. Just feel like I’m spinning in circles desperate to feel better.
6 January 2012 at 8:56 pm
Heather
Marianne Blaue is a homewrecker. My ex-husband and I were perfectly happy — together for 13 years and described by all our friends as the “model couple”. Marianne and I worked for my husband and he left me last year, completely out of the blue and a few months later was openly dating her. It’s been nearly a year since he abandoned me and I’m still crushed, and feel like I’ll never be the same. Nor will I be able to ever trust anyone again.
7 January 2012 at 6:30 am
Yams
Here’s onefor y’all,
Mine says he’s going for a walk so he can call his hoe in private without me going medieval on him. He also sits on the throne texting her cause he can hide in there without being bothered or caught. He thinks I’m dumb but I am gathering my evidence so that when the time is right, he’ll be sorry.
7 January 2012 at 8:12 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
WW, I am glad he unlocked the phone. It shows he has some interest in getting your marriage back on track. As for what she may want with your husband.. it doesn’t sound like she is after the “trophy” so much as she is after the “win.” Many would-be homewreckers don’t actually want the person.. they just want to know they have the power to take the person from someone else. My ex-husband was certainly no prize… and managed to attract a woman half his age. Once I “gave him up” to her, she promptly dumped him.
There are places online that offer the opportunity to post pictures, love letters, ect… in an attempt at humiliating the person who hurt you. And while I have no problem with this, I think the momentary gratification can actually prolong the pain. What you are looking for, above all else, is healing. To get this healing, you need to surround yourself with positive energy… take your power back. If you are looking for answers, he is the one that should give them… If you are looking for comfort, get that from someone you love and trust.. not from a negative emotion like revenge. It will poison you if you let it. It is has been my experience that the longer you focus on the negative… the longer it takes you to heal from the blow.
You have two things that she doesn’t.. dignity and grace. Don’t let her actions take those things from you as well. It is important to remember, none of this is your fault. No matter what was going on in your marriage, there were options. Your husband simply chose the least honorable option. That humiliation you feel right now is not yours… but his. I guarantee once you share this news with someone close to you, you will see that a good deal more clearly. And, if you do chose to save your marriage, you should put your efforts into doing the work necessary to reestablish the trust and intimacy. This will take a lot of your attention and time. You should be focused on your husband and creating positive experiences on which to rebuild. These things do not happen over night. It may be a while until you are ready for this. But, when you are, allowing this woman into your life is a step backward. Don’t give her more power and presence than she deserves.
7 January 2012 at 8:27 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
Heather,
It does take some time to heal and many times, it seems like two steps forward and one step back. I wish there was a way for people who have been hurt to take time out to do nothing but heal… but the process gets interrupted with real life, work, kids, ect.. and it seems to drag on even longer. Before you know it, the bad feelings become your “normal” and you are caught in a trap. Your ex and the homewrecker have taken so much from you… don’t give them the rest of your life. You WILL be happy again.. and you WILL trust again. You simply have to determine that as your goal and start walking that direction. Exorcise the bitterness, the fear and the pain. Maybe write long emails to no one detailing the experience until you have said all you need to say. And set aside time each day, to deal with lingering feelings – whether it is sadness or anger. Give into it.. feel it.. and then walk away from it after a predetermined amount of time. (I gave myself 20 minutes each day. lol) I think you will find you need less and less time to do this before long. And if you have a trusted friend or family member.. or the means to seek a counselor, talk to someone. Sometimes getting a fresh perspective will help you see past the hurt to that light at the end of the tunnel.
7 January 2012 at 8:32 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
Yams, I am sorry that this is happening to you. And it seems as if you have a plan. I hope that by the time you decide to carry it out, the emotional damage done to you isn’t long lasting.
Personally, I couldn’t stand the thought of being anywhere near my ex when I found out. There was no way I could have waited for a “right time” regardless of what could have been gained by it. lol
7 January 2012 at 2:18 pm
Hans Solo
If your partner says its their perogative to call an ex when confronted… while also saying that ex means nothing to them, what reply could one give? Profanity excluded, that is. If you know your partner has had sex with that person, how is it ever OK for them to continue correspondence if you are their priority? Why do guys find this type of behavior acceptable for them knowing their women are basket cases because of it? And, what of these bimbos who won’t back off after finding out the guy is married? Why do they stick around? Just waiting to get laid by a married guy doesn’t do it for any gal with an ounce of self respect.
7 January 2012 at 5:45 pm
WW
HW,
Having an awful time of it here. You did not make me cry. Your display of kindness did. Think it was noble of you to care for your ex in his time of need. However, need to learn more from you as it applies to my situation. Was he OK with you conversing with the other before/during his illness?. At what point does a person resign him/herself to help that they compromise everything they’ve been made to believe about the vow/ sacrament of marriag?. Am sure you did the right thing by being by his side, but did he become belligerent throughout his suffering? Mine says I am too emotional and cry too much which drives him to said bimbo. She acts cheery because she is simply playing the part of the other woman. No role as housewife, mother, needy cancer patient, hopeless human, etc.
Wondering how you find yourself here now. All the same, am grateful for the encouragement. If theother woman would have confronted you asking that you not trespass into her marriage, would/could you have stopped?
7 January 2012 at 7:09 pm
homewrecker
My ex didn’t meet my “new” husband until a few months before he died, six years after I’d remarried. I’d already been staying with my ex about a year, and went my home (12 hours away by car) to check on things. Before I went back, I made it clear that my husband must be allowed to come stay with us for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I was not choosing between them. >>>>>Until then, my husband was generally hated by my ex (and my son, too, though less so) as a homewrecker, himself. But, the ex agreed to the unusual holiday arrangements, and when he finally met my husband, he whispered (larynx paralyzed by then) as they shook hands, with tears in his eyes, “Thank you for lending your wife to me.” >>>>>Within hours, the awkwardness fell away, and we laughed together about my two husbands. >>>> Though I stayed in a guest room usually, my husband and I slept in our RV during his visit at my Ex’s. We just didn’t want to rub any more salt into any remaining emotional wounds. But, things become very trivial when facing death. >>>>> The emotional scars fade when cancer begins eating at your body. Old emotions get stripped away, and you find the unconditional love — not necessarily romantic love — but essential love, which can give you the strength to overcome what needs to be overcome. >>>>> The ex never became belligerent through his suffering. (He always accused me of being overly emotional. I can’t help it. I have a really tender heart. If anyone yells at me, I cry. I cried alot when I was married to him.) >>>>> But now, in this situation, I was all he had, and he was grateful that I could come to help. (I am a telecommuter, so I was able to work and care for him to, while not deserting my obligations at home). >>>>> The Ex didn’t ask me to come. My husband and I decided it was the only right thing to do. >>>>> When my childhood friend and I (now my husband) were first found out, his wife threw him out, erased all the contact info from his phone and threw it and all his belongings at him in the front yard. Eventually, she figured out who I was, and after waiting until she knew we were away together, she called my then-husband. That’s when the fit hit the shan at my end. It was ugly. But, both marriages were miserable and not happy. >>>>> If she had confronted me, I would not have stopped. It could not be stopped. We were empowered by each other. >>>> My friend and I were both the weak partners in our marriages. Our spouses walked all over us, controlled our finances, ruined our credit, and then — my friend and I found new strength in each other to end our abuse. Despite that, it was ugly for at least a year. >>>>> We were finally able to marry two years after we both separated from our former spouses, and it seems we still fumble with things, like finances — NEITHER OF US ever managed the family funds before! >>>>> I am here because I am a homewrecker. Though our situation was a little different, it is alot the same, and I still suffer from guilt. I’m still sorry for the pain I put my family (and his) through. (All our kids were mostly grown when all this happened… just want to note). >>>>> I am also hear to warn wives or husbands to honor their spouses. Treat them with respect. Be a friend and a partner, and stay close — don’t sleep apart, don’t withhold sex, don’t throw tantrums, bricks or harsh words. They all make wounds that can make it easier for someone to wreck your home. The very sad truth is that happy people do not cheat. >>>>> As for you, you just need more time to see things more clearly, assess your situation, and make your decisions. I think you are expecting to be in better control of yourself, when your whole world is upside down. The only cure for this is time. I’m so sorry. >>>>> As for my husband’s ex, she lives comfortably on her $1,000/month alimony and $1200 of my husbands military retirement pay, along with her toothless live-in boyfriend. I hear she’s lost a front tooth or two herself. I try not to think about how we struggle with our demanding, fulltime jobs and our home and how she lives perfectly well without having to work at all. It doesn’t matter. It was all a small price to pay for the happiness my husband and I share today. >>>>> My hope for you is relief from pain and a chance to know what true love is, and maybe some new glasses that help you see what’s worth fighting for and what isn’t. Hang in there. It gets better. xoxo
7 January 2012 at 7:18 pm
homewrecker
A few typos above… sorry about that. Most notably though… it was Thanksgiving AND Christmas. I had two husbands for both of those holidays in 2009.
Talk about weird.
8 January 2012 at 7:56 am
Emily
This whole blog post is founded on false assumptions. You have no clue as to what happens in someone else’s relationship and painting everyone with that broad a brush is delusional and perpetuating stereotypes.
All the people that say it’s money or the thrill of the chase or that a person seeks out a married man are just trying to make themselves feel better about the situation they may find themselves in. I’m sorry if your husband strayed. If he did, well… it’s probably on him really.
“often her plot is unsuccessful in getting him to leave his wife”
WHO the HELL says that’s the goal? I would never spend the time doing that or expect that.
It was never anyone’s attention in my relationship to hurt anyone. Not mine, not his.We don’t “check into drama central”
We are discrete and low key and I’ve never been his booty call.. I’m sorry if someone hurt some of you, but this post is just… ridiculous and loses credibility when you call people psycho bitches.
8 January 2012 at 10:43 am
WW
Em,
Don’t know if you’re referring to me, but I did not call anyone a psycho blank. I do refer to the HW want to be of my life as a horribel whore.(As opposed to a good whore who gets paid?) This sub parr human thinks it;s funny that she can inflict upon another human who she doesn’t even know just because someone did it to her supposedly. I am new on here as well as new to this entire situation. I am attempting to get through this hell with any help I can get. Hmmm has offered many great insights already and seems to have learned by going through it. I am gleaning much from HW as well who was on the other side of the tracks but rectified it and has much to offer as well to those like me who are struggling to find peace, validation, comfort as well as answers. The goal of my HW is to prey upon the weak because she cannot convince a confident, single male that she is worth anything. HEr only hope is to find a guy whose situation is desperate enough to find hers better. If I weren’t ill, she would not stand a chance. Our marriage was as rock solid as our families are. She could never be accepted into his either. They would never have her.
8 January 2012 at 2:26 pm
homewrecker
So, Emily… Did you just read the first post and decide to chime in? This is a place for hurting and angry people who have been hurt by infidelity to come. What’s it to you who calls who what? And, have you yourself thought about who will your “descrete” relationship will hurt when the low key becomes your own little “drama central?” Don’t you think your lovers’ wife deserves some support from somewhere when she finds out about you? Maybe there is another site for you someplace else.
8 January 2012 at 3:19 pm
Goldie Locks
OK, I must chime in & admit that I am a good whore/ prostitute/hooker or whatever people choose to call me when they call me. That said, I feel have more honor than horrible ones aka homewreckers.
Taking money for sex is not ideal., For now, it’s helping me so I don;t have to lean on anybody for anything. The point is this: As much as I know what I’m doing is wrong/bad for me, etc.- I WOULD NEVER, EVER STOOP TO GOING AFTER A MARRIED MAN FOR A RELATIONSHIP.
Emily, it sounds like somebody hit a nerve. If I sleep with a married guy, he doesn;t tell me his biz nor will I likely see him again. If I do, it’s just for money, not for LOVE or LUST!!! I am not patting myself on the back, but those gals who continue to see guys once they know there are wives, kids, pets in the picture really have the bigger problem. They are down right cruel to make others suffer just to get their selfish needs met. There are pleanty of fish in the sea as well as available guys. When I’m ready, hope to find myself one, but never go after another woman’s man. That’s as low as you can go.
8 January 2012 at 4:33 pm
WW
I phoned the “wonderful woman” who sexts my husband asking her to stop only to be called a f@cking c@nt in return. Is this what Emily needs to hear to remotely understand the pain this awful person is putting me through. This is one phrase my husband nor I have ever used in our home. “FC” thinks nothing of undressing/exposing her ugly outer self to another woman’s husband but cannot defend her actions; can only use profanity when called on them. Her inner child reared its ugly head because even she knows down deep that there is no morally acceptable, ethical reason for a person to continue to go after another’s spouse when discovering the truth. If the guy wants to leave his wife, he would. However, when he says he will never do so then why does the other persist? Please tell me why?
So you understand, my husband loves me. The vulture doesn;t get the part that just because I am ill doesn;t mean I am dead. We make love but not the way we once did. Not my fault or his. After reading the past few entries,wondering if it would be easier to accept news of a random prostitute over said vulture circling hungrily, desperately.
8 January 2012 at 5:26 pm
homewrecker
I just don’t see how you know he loves you. And of course, by random prostitute, you don’t mean Goldie Locks. Because now she’s not random; she’s OUR prostitute (hello, GL!), and she has a lot more class and honesty than your FC ever dreamed of having. It’s beginning to look like you are in denial. Have you spoken to a spiritual or professional counselor? I think it’s time. So sorry for your pain.
8 January 2012 at 6:40 pm
WW
Laughing for the first time in awhile so thanks for that, HW. To answer your question, he must love me to be here changing my bedpan,lifting me up out of bed or off the toilet seat while throwing up at the same time. As you saw for yourself, these situations are not for the weak of heart.
Caring for a sickly loved one is stressful as is.The person gradually becomes their condition while the 2nd party also begins to fade away. The condition consumes all and assumes center stage. \
Denial may be best for now if all this isn’t sincere on his behalf. Just believe he is succombing to “FC” because he is depressed. She won’t give us space to mend, heal and get through this ourselves. She bullied her way into our marriage and refuses to let go. One day she too will become ill and may open her eyes to her wrongdoing. We all account to our Maker.
8 January 2012 at 6:54 pm
Hodge
What a sicko FC is! There should be consequences for this kind of cruelty. There is NO JUSTIFICATION for a woman stepping into another woman’s marriage………..EVER!!!!……….. much less when sickness is involved. What kind of heartless, reckless homewrecker is she? What, she can’t help herself? She can;t help the way she feels? What kind of B.S. is your spouse feeding her for her to be digging her heels in like this. Sounds like she is the one who needs a spiritual adviser. Better yet, an erorcist! Who is this FC piece of cow dung? Yes, ir is understandable that your husband would be depressed. Shit, I’m depressed just reading about it. She is taking advantage of that, and he is enabling her whether he realizes it or not.
8 January 2012 at 7:19 pm
WW
Emily,
Your words have been on my mind. Discreet and low key, you say. Does that justify your actions? Does it excuse you from sin? Help me understand how that is any defense for invading another’s life and turning it upside down. Just because your situation hasn;t blown up in anyone;s face yet doesn;t mean it won;t. And, if/when it does, what will you say to the woman whose husband you are cavorting with? That you are not his booty call? What are you then? His true love, soul mate, what? How do you clean it up to make the person on my end (healthy or not) feel better? That you did not mean for it to happen? That it just happened and that’s that? Would you expect that poor wife of his to buy that line of baloney and skip away with lollipop in hand. “FC” is depriving me of a happy ending to a good if not great marriage. Are you a better person for depriving another of the same just because you are discreet and low key?
There are many forms of cheating and all are wrong if you follow the commandments. I am not the holiest of people but know that adultery damns one to hell alongside murder, the only worse mortal sin. Could care less about FC’s salvation but love my huaband and care about his. If she cared about him in any real fashion, she would lay off the sexting/leading him unto tempatation so that he could do the right thing by his wife, the woman who he took as his bride for better or worse, sickness as well as health. Do you get it? Doubt if she could. She obviously lacks depth as well as God.
8 January 2012 at 8:03 pm
WW
Hodge,
Did speak to my husband about enabling “FC’. Hmmm told me some things to say which made him unlock his phone immediately afterwards. When asked if/why he was encouraging her, he promised not to speak with her ever again, He erased the raunchy pix,and blocked her number from his phone too. He realizes his role in this and apologized saying he only wishes to do right by me. Listening to the advice given on here seems to be helping this weekend although it would be naive of me to think we are out of the woods. My health demands action on my part because keeping this inside is detrimental in many respects.
Everybody has problems. What I don;t need is uninvited ones.The boundaries of marriage should be respected. Decency is all I ask but was met with indecency from “FC”.
HW said in her case that both marriages were in trouble. That is altogether different from my situation. Mine revolves around my illness and nude pictures of a very full grown lady/mother with no shame. Despite her disgusting behavior and crude language, I am glad that by my communicating with her, GW, and Hmmm, I have been able to get a wider perspective. Thank you for being so helpful.
8 January 2012 at 8:38 pm
Hmmm Kkkkk
HW – You are, without a doubt, a decent human being. You and your current husband did not trivialize the pain that was caused by the “wrecking.” You owned it. And what’s more, you did the right thing by a man you owed nothing. I have nothing but respect for you. Ideally, you and your current husband would have married each other before you met your former spouses. But it is what it is… there may have been a “grand plan” at work in making sure that your ex would have someone to care for him in the end. You are worlds apart from the likes of Emily.
Emily – Tell yourself whatever you like to sleep at night. It doesn’t change what you are. “Discreet” says nothing except you are a more subtle whore than some of the others. But you are still a whore. And you can also continue your swim in lake delusional… but you ARE a booty call. If you were more than that, he would make some sort of commitment to you. Call yourself “low key”… call yourself “drama free”… but in the cold steel light of dawn, you know exactly what you are or you wouldn’t have found yourself on this blog. It isn’t exactly on the front page of any web browser. Equally ridiculous is your assertion that you had no control over what you are doing with a married man. Love is a choice, sweet cheeks. And it is one that people in a committed relationship every day. You both knew exactly what you were doing when you embarked on this disgusting little venture… and you also knew the potential to cause pain for someone else. So, do yourself a real favor and at least be honest about the whole thing. You are a remorseless whore with psychopathic tendencies.. in other words, a psycho bitch.
Goldilocks – I have no problem with you or what you do. I live in Nevada, after all. Lol Sex for money is … well, sex for money. You are not looking to “steal” anyone’s man.. you are not looking to trick some guy out of his money. Everything is out in the open right from the beginning; you perform a service and he pays you for it. (Here in NV, it is regulated pretty closely and wives and girlfriends can rest easy that they will not get diseased from the encounter.) If I was in WW’s situation, I would happily send my husband off to the cathouse to have his needs taken care of. There is no dishonor there.
WW- Honey, I am so sorry that you are going through this. That PSYCHO BITCH (I don’t give a damn what Emily thinks. Lol) is worse than your random slut in that she thinks this is an acceptable thing to do to a woman who already has enough on her plate. In my line of work, I see the fallout caused by predator men and women. I see the effects on the children, as well as the parties involved. While I will grant that your husband may be under some stress, it cannot be compared to the stress you deal with. I understand you may feel somewhat beholden to him for the care his gives, but sweetie… do not let that be an excuse for him to use to justify that psycho bitch’s actions. You have every right to demand that he stand up for you in telling this slut to back off. If he cannot offer you that much, any kindness he shows due to your illness loses it’s meaning.
8 January 2012 at 9:14 pm
Hmmm Kkkkk
WW- Looks like you and I posted at the same time. lol I am happy to hear that things are taking a more positive turn.:-) Here’s hoping you have turned a corner in your marriage. Don’t give FC a second thought… focus on your health and your relationship. She means nothing.
8 January 2012 at 10:08 pm
WW
Hmmm,
Thanks again for your kind words I see I have my acronyms mixed up above. That’s what I get for typing with tears streaming and not slowing down for fear of losing my already strained train of thought. To correct: Typed “her” instead of HW and GW instead of GL so thanks to you both for your caring and honest input.
Feel like Dorothy stumbling along the yellow brick road with her newfound friends: a happily recovered victim of a homewrecking with a brain, a self proclaimed HW with a heart, and a hooker with the courage to say what she is and boldly take a stand on this when she could have remained silent. Dread to think who the dog would be in this but dare to say “FC” would take pride in being the one hovering on her broomstick Guess I should be searching for a bucket to fill just in case she returns. <|:-)
8 January 2012 at 10:12 pm
WW
If ever I should enjoy remission, would like to invite you ladies over for a glass/ bottle/ case of wine to celebrate. Regardless of the outcome, it is nice to think that as humans, we still can be there for one another.
9 January 2012 at 1:44 am
homewrecker
WW – heh! Yellow Brick Road! How clever you are! (How well you ALL write!) I guess I didn’t realize that your husband is your caregiver. Whoa. Now that is a sticky wicket. I’m really glad he pulled his head out of his ass. I don’t think we’ve discussed age, and the role it plays in making men crazy. I know a man who had only been with his wife in his whole life. In his mid-fifties he became a “playa,” interested in porn, frequenting singles and cheater sites and “hooking up.” He was hoping desperately to experience what he thought he’d missed. Eventually, he and his wife divorced. He finally regained his senses and tried to get back with his wife, but it was too late. In the end, he recovered from his late- or mid-life addiction and found a new mate when he wasn’t looking anymore. They married before they had sex. Funny how life is sometimes. WW – I hope you meet NED real soon. Even if we can’t be together, we can all lift a glass to you to celebrate. Thinking of changing my name to HWWH (Homewrecker With a Heart).
Thank you so much for that moniker.
9 January 2012 at 5:37 am
Emily
WW I wasn’t referring to you, and I empathize with your pain.. but… um… it’s not really my fault you are in pain. That’s between the woman your spouse made the choice to be involved with and him and you.
I don’t believe I’m committing a sin, I don’t believe in god, so threatening me with eternal damnation isn’t going to do a damn bit of good.
I’m sorry you are ill… but again, that only makes your spouse more of an ass right?
I’m not delusional and I found this blog through hits on MY blog so it isn’t like I had to seek it out.
I really only read the first little bit when I made my comments… the initial post so to speak and a few comments after. If I’d realized it had turned into a “support board” of sorts I’d not even have commented. I leave you to each other… and wish you all the best, but I do hope you realize that it’s really the man in your life that should be the only one with the power to hurt you. That if a home can be wrecked it isn’t much of a home at all…
9 January 2012 at 9:05 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
WW – Clever, indeed! lol I like it! There should be an infidelity support group called Yellow Brick Road. lol
Adding my voice in the hopes of meeting NED (the man behind the curtain?
) We will raise a glass for sure.
HW – My ex was one of those “mid-life” guys. He was also one of those who realized much too late that he through his family away for nothing. He went through a period of sending me emails to detail how sorry he was.. what a mistake he made.. how much he would always love me. I did him the kindness of not responding at all. One day, he may find a mate and he can tell himself I never received those emails. (Sent to an account I never use.) Meanwhile, as I have to associate with him for child exchanges, I am courteous and polite; I do not share what is going on in my life and don’t ask any questions about his. He did know of my involvement with my now-husband, and looked positively miserable when he dropped the girls off the day before my wedding. Attempted to offer congratulations, which I graciously accepted before driving away. Now he is back to emailing that account. I may delete it just to end the hope for him and force him to move on. It’s over and has been for a long time. I don’t live in the past and he shouldn’t either.
Emily is, as always, a fool. A marriage is like any other relationship with peaks and valleys. Parasites like her can only survive on the low end and dig their claws in to drag some man in for company. She will richly deserve the eventual bitter life of loneliness she faces.
9 January 2012 at 10:42 am
homewrecker
If my fellow compatriots of the Yellow Brick Road want a support group, by golly, I’ll create one! Just let me know. EMILY – please don’t let the door hit you on the backside on your way out. Defending your position as an indefinite consort to a married man is pathetic, and even if you don’t believe in God — watch your back — cuz Karma’s a bitch. Believe me, I know.
9 January 2012 at 7:53 pm
WW
Em,
Did I threathen anyone with damnation? The church drives home that doctrine throught the commandments and Bible.Sorry, but bald Dorothy here doesn’t have that kind of power. If I did, would be clicking my heels or putting a word in with the Big Guy about “FC”. Coincidentally, she doesn;t believe in God either. Great excuse for carte blanche to do and say whatever she pleases at everyone else’s expense.
I personally don’t care about your beliefs, personal life, much less your salvation, damnation, etc.unless it is adversely affecting my life.. “FC” crossed the line into my life. If she had any sense of decency, she would have looked elsewhere. My husband did not come onto her. She threw herself shamelessly at him. He has now gone as far as saying he’ll file a cease and desist order himself should she continue with her ploys to lure him into her den.
When speaking to me about her this morning before taking me for treatment, my husband, the ass as you say, said how her actions were uncalled for, classless, tasteless, and not worth another look. His apologies don;t erase his involvement but I know we are all human and capable of mistakes. HW is big enough to ADMITt hers, CORRECT what she could and Explain herself and how these things can/do happen “FC” presents herslef as a rotted container of cottage cheese flaunting her nasty self as if she were half her age, not a Mom, not a businesswoman much less a woman of worth. When I think of what constutes a true lady, it may not be me BUT it is definitely not this slippery weasel who says she can’t help herself. What code does one live by if you don;t believe in God?
9 January 2012 at 8:10 pm
Hodge
Emily,
What do you mean that you found this blog through hits on your blog? How would you get hits from us? What blog is that? You sound like a piece of work. Did something happen to you that you do not believe in God? Were you hurt in your childhood? Makes me wonder what makes people turn hard over time. Is whatever aching you worse than any of us on here? You say you are not delusional. Who said you were? What do you see yourself as? Homewrecker explained what happened so we accept her here with open arms. You are yet a mystery so that makes it hard for us to know hwere you are coming from. Dounds like you do not want us to like you. Like you are standing up for “FC” for some crazy reason just to tick us off or justify your own indiscretions.
YBR, is there any room for a guy in the pack because, if so, I’m in. Haven’t figured out what my rolet would be but will leave that to the rest of you. Could always just bring the beer!
9 January 2012 at 8:16 pm
Goldie Locks
Goldie is in !!!! Love the idea and happy to be accepted by the gals for a change. Have wigs galore, WW, so Dorothy can sport whatever look she sees fit. Hooker heels with glitter to boot if you like! WAHOO!!!!!!!!!
9 January 2012 at 8:39 pm
Tom
This is for Emily if you are still reading,
“If a home can be wrecked then it isn’t much of a home at all.” Our world has loads of temptations that reak havoc on our homes. Yes, even the strongest of homes. In fact, the devil tries even harder there. Homewreckers may be considered the icing on the devil’s cake. Your refusal to do anything other than stand firm in your position in defense of your actions tells me you are not very mature. Learn from your elders, dearheart. What if your kid came home and said that someone was doing that to him/her? Would you change your mind on this altogether? What makes you say that you won’t stop? What if the guy became impotent? Would you remain in this situation?
10 January 2012 at 4:14 am
homewrecker
Thank you, Hodge. I think we ought to open YBR to everyone affected by infidelity, and those who need to pick up a little something for themselves along their journeys to peace and happiness. If you are serious about this new blog, please email me at YBRHomewrecker – A T – gmail-dot-com to start an exchange of friendly and useful ideas, and perhaps get us off this long winding road, and onto another!
10 January 2012 at 10:23 am
Hmmm Kkkk
Wow! A busy night. lol So sorry I missed it.
Hodge, still waiting to hear how your date went. ;-P And also, I would think there would be room for anyone who has a perspective that might help another… male or female. Count me in, HW.. email forthcoming. WW, I hope to hear from you as well. I am so glad that dear husband has “seen the light” and realizes what a prize he has in you. 
Tom, unfortunately these immature homewreckers do not think far enough in advance to figure out how they justify the behavior when it happens to them or their own eventual children. My guess is that she is a 22 year old who has newfound freedom… and tries to prove she is a “grown up” by doing something her parents would frown upon. Not so very different than my 16 year old trying to “prove” maturity by getting her lip pierced. lol
11 January 2012 at 1:44 am
Hodge
Off to work in a bit here and glad to see WW is doing better. We are all rooting for you. Hmmm asked about my date and yes, I had a good time and am still seeing her although not as oftn as I’d like. Work long hours and squeeze in as much time with my boy as I can. She doesn;t/ couldn;t have kids so I try to be sensitive in not forcing my kid on her. Too bad about how the people who often caan’t have kids are the ones who should have had them versus my baby Momma who gave me a beautiful son only to ditch us both for irresponsible, non-working little boys. Go figure.
Still want to know what this Emily meant about this blog hitting hers. Can anybody tell me how that could happen since she apparently bit the dust.. Not a computer geek or chat room person. Found this site on my own while playing on the net after feeling sorry for myself one night. Curious how a person like that would end up here. To HW: Should reconsider your handle. Emily is the true homewrecker, not you. You sound like you had a bad run and made the best of it as long as you could. You even stuck it out with the guy throughout his illness and eventual death which is far different than Emily who defends her screwing around and acts like bad things will never happen to her. Emily.my ex and FC sound basically the same. Immature, invinciple minus morals and responsiblity. They coud form their own club instead of invading ours. They have made enough mess already. and act like they should be granted a say when they have not earned a place at the table. TRASH belongs in the garbage can, WW. Whatever you do, don;t hide there. The likes of these babes belong there.Papmper yourself at the spa and tell yourslef this too shall pass. Glad your husband is begining to realize that a beautiful bald eagle is far more precious than a kniving vulture. Emily coud start a vultures group for that crowd. Gotta roll.
11 January 2012 at 3:13 am
MRs.
WW,
MRs. here. In a f’d up place 2. Go back n read about the Homewrecked by the village bicycle. That person’s story n advise helped me so maybe it can help you. Still eating n cying here but my BFF said we should give ourslef time to be a wreck when somebody steps in to our life and tries 2 ruin it. May this nrw year bring us all happyness and only hardship for the wrecking, wretched whores who think they have a right to your married man. My Iranian BFF said in her country, a guy gotta get a temporary divorce before cheating on his wife. Maybe these rules would slow down the cheating here cuz guysdon’t think it thru here. Its a quick fix to thre problems to fall in the hands of easy pleasy teazie sleazies.
11 January 2012 at 3:43 am
Poppy
‘If a home can be wrecked then it isn’t much of a home at all.’ Boy, does that line of thinking give a free pass to the low life predators out there. G/morning all. Been reading the past few days to see what this site has to offer. Amusing to say the least especially with the YBR cast of characters. Dare to say Emily is no Auntie Emm. Rather, she and FC sound like the green sisters who met their karmic demise. One had the house fall on her while the other got splashed with a well deserved bucket of shit. Only fair since that’s what they have been pulling on innocent others.. That is, turning houses upside down and using bullshit excuses like the one above to rationalize their pathetic lives and delusional behavior. Sorry Emily, but if you are still reading, you need to know that you are delusional if you think some guy isn’t seeing you only as his booty call. We don’t roll that way regardless of what we tell you. Also, when we tell you we are an asshole, that’s meant for you…not just for little lady who is waiting for us at home with our children
11 January 2012 at 5:36 am
homewrecker
Well, said, Hodge! Hodge… Goldie Locks… Poppy… And anyone else who is interested in a similar blog, “Yellow Brick Road for the Homewrecked,” please email me at YBRHomewrecker@gmail.com. This site will have people’s stories listed as “cases,” and others can comment on individual cases — not just in one looooong thread! But we need some original stories! If you are interested… EMAIL ME NOW! Thanks!
11 January 2012 at 6:46 am
homewrecker
To all… on the question of how Emily found this page from hits on her own blog. When a visitor leaves a page for another, the info is stored in a log, when analytics are installed. So, if someone visiting her blog left and came to this page, she would see that in her logs, and this explains how she found the link in hits from her own site.
11 January 2012 at 9:18 am
Tony Easley
Tina Tijerina from Taft Texas is a big home recker, messed around with father and son, and the fathers wife was serving her country in Iraq pretty sad right.
11 January 2012 at 3:53 pm
Billy the Kid
My Mom is a homewrecker. She has disgraced and destroyed our entire family for a loser guy. His family is destroyed too. Hope the two of them live unhappily ever after knowing they didn’t give a damn about the victims in their path. She keeps asking her if I love her to which I just keeping saying YEH to get her to shut up and get off my back. If she loved me at all, she wouldn’t have brought this loser piece of dirt into my Dad’s house and have him doing her right as we sleep next door. Can’t wait until I can move out and get away from this shit. Hate him and have to make nice just to keep her from going psycho bitch on us. Too bad the sucker doesn’;t see her in action when he’s home playing hubby dearest to the unknowing wife. We call her Taz when he’s not around because she becomes plain evil. Her intent is to get him any way she can as if he were the last damn man on earth. Makes me sick. Have lost complete respect for her and wish there were a way I could bust them both without her going off on me.
11 January 2012 at 8:44 pm
homewrecker
How old are you, Billy? Can you go live with your father? Child protective services in most states would not approve of the living arrangements at your place, but I don’t think your mother is doing anything illegal. Still, I can understand why you are angry. Busting them is easy, but make sure you have another stable place to live before you go upsetting the apple cart, or you could end up in state custody, and that would REALLY stink! I think you should talk to your mom if you can. Tell her how you feel. Maybe she’ll make some changes at home until you are a little older. Perhaps the state can force her to do so, but please be careful and think about the worst that could happen. Best of luck to you, son. I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt.
12 January 2012 at 8:37 am
Billy
I am still in high school and stuck preety much since I like my school and it’s expensive here.BTW, Dad just moved in with a nice lady. He hates his situation along with my Mom, knows we do, and is sad he couldn’t reason with her to fix things. He is now with a woman who he knows will never hurt him. Not because he’ll ever love her like Mom but because he is lonely and hurting all the way around. He left the house for us so we could stay with our friends and lives like a poor man in a small apt. Mom took the life out of his eyes. It hurts me to look at him like this even though his new lady friend acts more like a grown up, doesn’t talk like a teenager or dress like one unlike Mom? in her gross peekaboo pushup bras and even more disgusting thongs that show under skimpy clothes .Lttle bro and I call her Upchuck to my Dad. About the only thing that makes him laugh for a second. We won’t even sit on the couch anymore because it grosses us out watching them make out there.
Dad didn’t deserve this. Her selfishness ruined a great man. She threw away an honest, hardworking great husband and Dad for a guy with no job and no future pretty much. Mom? gives us no choice but to go along with her bullshit because she’s paying the bills through Dad. Right now she’s dressed in tacky see thrut shit because Moocher Man is here. As soon as he leaves, she’ll wash off the ten inches of makeup with her tears then turn into frump woman. Hate both sides of her. She was a decnet lady with Dad and is now a split peronality psycho bitch. Told her already that she’s embarrassing me and looks like a fool parading around this loser instead of Dad. She told me to mind my own biz. It’s her life. Like none of us have a say.
12 January 2012 at 9:55 am
homewrecker
Sadly, Billy… you don’t have a say in how your mother lives her life, unless she is breaking any laws, and then you can call the cops, who may end up taking you away to a state facility if you are not careful. There is no fashion police for mothers, I’m sorry to say. This is a very difficult time for you, and I’m sorry for that, but your parents are working on building new lives apart, and you might just have to accept it (though you never have to LIKE it). If you can’t reason with your mother, perhaps she has a close friend you could talk with who would talk to her for you. It sounds like your folks should switch residences… give your mom the apartment, and let your dad and his new girlfriend have the house. If it’s all for the good of the children, the post-adolescent children should have some say about who lives where and with whom. Call child services, anonymously and find out if you have any options in this arrangement. If and when your folks divorce, a judge will ask you which parent you choose to live with, and s/he will take that into consideration when detailing the separation agreement. Good luck, Billy. You are in my prayers.
12 January 2012 at 2:02 pm
Goldie Locks
Goldie here. I am sorry too. Didn’t know kids were on here. Not to overshare, Billy, but sounds like your Mom is shooting for my job. In my own defense, always try to look some what classy not trashy. Note to self: Only the heels should give you away. Tell her bum boyfriend you miss seeing her with a nice dress on. .Do you have grandparents? You could also ask them to confidentially tell her to tone it down cause you are embarrassed for her. Good luck.
12 January 2012 at 3:22 pm
homewrecker
Hi, GL! Billy, I was just thinking that Jerry Springer does an “embarrassing mom” show, where he helps moms learn to dress like stylish moms. And then, Google “My mom embarrasses me,” and “mom is embarrassing” to find you are not alone. Hundreds of thousands hits. Might be some helpful advice in there, too.
13 January 2012 at 7:43 am
Billy
Wish my Dad could move back big time. He would never give in to her though and she won’t budge on anything unless somethings in it for her. Don’t see how she and the bum in her bed can fqce us all, Talk about balls. They lie around waiting for us to go to school so they can act like teenagers themselves. Jerry Springer would be right up their alley. Too bad it would mean the rest of us being dragged in too.
13 January 2012 at 10:25 am
homewrecker
As a minor, you have more pull than you think. Find an adult whom you trust and respect, and sit down and talk about your options. Decide what you want to do about your situation, and then do it. There are ways to get a non-family member out of your home. Be creative! The serenity prayer might be good here: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
14 January 2012 at 3:21 am
Billy
My mother is out of control. She and her bumass boytoy stumbled in drunk tonight making so much noise noise doing it that I want to puke. Jjust left the kitchen banging on every pot I coul find and making as much mess as I could to see how they like it. Hear em laughing and carrying on and Boozer bum keeps clearing his throat which makes me want to haul off on him so bad. Want to tell my deranged Mom to grow up. Hate this shit. Get to see my Dad today and don’t want to depress him more by telling him about her cackling disguting self.
15 January 2012 at 5:14 pm
Cherry Schultz
Marnie Ward(owner of Sports Page Bar in Eau Cl, Wi) is a heartless, evil, ugly, selfish whore who also happens to be my husband’s boss. They have been having an affair for almost a year as far as I know. We have been married for over 6 yrs and have 2 beautiful children together. We were together for over 3 yrs before we got married. This women made him work every night so he was away from me every night and took advantage of the situation and also spoils our youngest child in order to get his affection. He is in no way innocent at all but, this whore knew he was married and still pursued him. I really hope karma bites them both in the butts.
15 January 2012 at 9:00 pm
Billy
Thank God for MLK. No school AND No bumass in the houe either. Mom will try to act like a Mom again, then she’ll start to cry to her friends who listen to it. Then, she’ll gradually goes into frump mode and wears the same thing day after day as if she is in mourning. Why didn’t she mourn Dad? Why does she act like some midlife crisis gigaloe is more precious then her kids Dad?
Did see Dad. We played tennis for three hours. Both needed to let off some steam. Wish Mom would open her eyes and grow up. She has maed an ass out of herself, shamed our family and crushed our opinion of her. I will never respect her no matter what. She always said the women are the glue. Such B.S.! Told Dad I’m on a blog but he didn’t respond.
16 January 2012 at 5:36 am
Jules
Cherry,
In the same boat. Mine initially defended his whore when I outed her to her family, friends and workplace. Only differnence is this whore got it backwards. She paid him Sugar Mama style and convinced him that living with her equals happiness. She promised him everything, but everything doesn’t include the family he left at home. Now he’s stuck with this once upon a time sweet talking southern belle turned beast who throws everything in his face and wants paid back now that he’s over the lust stage. Funny how now he wants back here, Fuck em both. KARMA. KARMA. KARMA. KARMA Billy, Bide your time. The bum will sooner or later tire of your Mom and move on to some other dumb dame. These guys use their charms to B.S. lonely women with no self worth to taste a piece of strange.
16 January 2012 at 2:24 pm
Marty
Ay, Ay!! Your Mom is this bum’s ATM card. HAppens all the time. Ever watch Judge Judy? Low self esteem women putting out to men who mooch off them is the only topic of her hearings. Happens all the time, Billy. Doesn’t make it easier for you but hang in there. Ever watch the show Shameless? I think they did it to comfort those of us in dysfunctional situations to make us laugh at it from a different perspective.
16 January 2012 at 2:43 pm
Poppy
Must confess II am a homewrecker too HW. The male form though so I can relate to Billy’s disgust–only from the other side of the fence. Dated many married women in my time. They are less demanding, more generous, always begging you to stay and have more. Needy, desperate, stupid, gullible, beleivers of everything we tell them. Fun to be a booty call but it does get old. Here because I ws outed and still read from time to time. Poppy or Pops is what my first sideline called me. It stuck after that. Not proud of my behavior especially over time when I saw and realized the effects it had on my ex. Kept her down just so I could get away and have my way. Lied to her just like I lied to the string of dummies I bedded. Women fall for it all the time. Especially the ones with kids who think no guy will ever want them so they go all out trying to please you. Keeping it clean for Billy but he’s alluded to it already. Then out we go. Back to the real world.
16 January 2012 at 5:59 pm
Cherry Schultz
Thank you Jules,
I really hope karma bites them all real good. Thank you for your reply. I just wish I knew why men cheat. I believe that when your in a commited relationship you should stay faithful and if you want to be with someone else get out of relationship before you cheat. Being cheated on really sucks. I feel soooo betrayed. I pray for God to punish all the homewreckers of this world.
16 January 2012 at 8:12 pm
ANOTHER HURT ONE
DO YOU HEAR THAT CORAL GABLES HOMEWRECKING TRANSVESTITE???? KNEEL TO PRAY RATHER THAN TRY TO WIN FAVOR WITH MY HUSBAND< YOU UGLY DIRTY ROTTEN PIG YOU! MAY YOU GET YOURS SOON!!!! SWEET DREAMS. IF YOU CONTINUE YOUR NAME WILL BE HERE AND EVERYWHERE ELSE!
18 January 2012 at 4:01 am
Billy
Upchuck is back to Frump Woman! Already with the mood swings, no makeup, boo hooz and sweats to replace Ru PAUL. Ugly either way and wish my Dad could see what a whack job she really is instead of blaming himself for her disgusting behavior. Am ashamed she is my mother. She looks like an aging pathetic fool who is trying to hang onto her youth with dear life instead of appreshiating what she has and acting responsibly. Gross as hell.
21 January 2012 at 12:24 pm
maggie
I was one of the first on this site to post the name of the ridiculous homewrecker who tried unsuccessfully to trespass on my long term marriage. I occasionally return to the site to read the posts. I’m always happy to see women out the homewrecker. These trashbin women thrive in secrecy and outing them in public, whether on a website or to their families, friends, neighbors, coworkers is the best thing you can do. Just tell the truth. The truth is our protection. The trespasser on my life gave me all the info I needed to do that in her juvenile emails to my husband which he gave to me. I don’t think you should contact the trespasser, however. It gives her a power she does not deserve. Ignore her. Just do what you need to do to expose her for her despicable behavior.
21 January 2012 at 6:11 pm
Emily
Hey,
I’ve had some issues with some home wreckers in my past and find it hard not to turn crazy when my man has a new female friend. The current one works with him and has already admitted that she cant trust herself around him. But shes still inviting him to things outside work and calls his monkey. Like really? monkey? I trust him, but shes driving me crazy and me being crazy is driving my boyfriend crazy.
How do i be okay with this?
22 January 2012 at 7:18 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
Busy, busy! lol My advise to Billy: Adulthood comes quickly, hun. You will be out of that situation by then, if not before. So long as you are not being harmed, I don’t believe I would contact outsiders to intervene. It may make matters worse. However, at your age, you could certainly tell the Courts and your mother than you prefer to live with your father – thus removing yourself from the situation much sooner. Trust me, your dad knows what your mom is. And while he may be mourning the loss of the relationship, he will soon find he is better off without her. Channel your energies into a positive relationship with your dad rather than waste what precious time you do have together reliving the less than honorable antics of your mom.
Cherry, Jules is right.. Justice comes to us all, eventually.Bide your time and live your life the best that you can. You will be surprised one day to look back and feel almost pity for the man as you watch your children grow. He will miss out on things that are really important by being a part time dad. And he will carry the guilty knowledge that it is all his own fault.
Emily – you don’t HAVE to be ok with this, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Each of us are shaped by our experiences. They are part of who we are as much as the color of our eyes. Would you change your eye color for a man simply because he prefers blue? Your boyfriend must be aware of your past experiences and triggers that send you into “crazy.” For him to be “crazy” because you are upset by this shows a lack of empathy. He has the power to tell this co-worker to back off and should do so immediately. What she is doing is sexual harassment and that can have grave consequences. Tell “monkey” that her antics are causing doubts for you and request that he put a stop to it.
This is not an issue of “trust.” I have often found that women’s sensibilities are so finely tuned, we know when something isn’t right. If your boyfriend chooses this “friendship” over you, his commitment level to the relationship should throw up a huge warning sign.
22 January 2012 at 5:33 pm
Cherry Schultz
My husband took our 2 boys to have lunch with his whore, Marnie Ward(owner Of Spots Page Bar) at McDonald’s today while I was at work. That whore is trying to win over my children and it makes me very angry. I just wish he would keep our kids away from his homewrecking whore ugly inside and out boss. I can’t wait to file for our divorce. I hope he wants me back someday so I can say not on your life, once a cheater always a cheater. I am so better off without him, I know. Someday a man who really diserves my kind heart will come along and I can find love again.
25 January 2012 at 10:08 am
Hmmmm Kkkk
lol Cheryl, I have to tell you that your review on Dex was priceless.
As I deal in divorce, I have a habit of searching names to see if I can find more to the story and I discovered your writing. Good for you, although I am not sure they will leave it up. 
About your children… my ex did the same thing and tried to insinuate the whore into their lives. She fancied herself a “psychologist” and tried to explain to my teenage daughters how “poisonous” I was to their dad… and why the affair probably saved his life. ::serious eyeroll:: While my girls tolerated her idiocy on the face to avoid a scene, they wrote statements to the Court requesting that they not have to spend time with the bitch when they saw their dad. Of course, once his money was gone, so was she… so, now the girls have a new reason to hate her.
I gather your children are young. But fear not, they will see through her games quickly enough. Just be careful that you allow them to do so on their own rather than offering your critique of her to them. Also, file as quickly as you can. You don’t need a lawyer – you only need a paralegal to file the complaint. Shouldn’t cost you very much that way. (Look up free lance paralegals in your area. Sometimes women’s support groups have the info.) File first.. that way you get to be the “Plaintiff.” lol Small victory but a victory just the same.
25 January 2012 at 10:11 am
Hmmmm Kkkk
BTW, I couldnt help but notice the bar also has a facebook page. ::wriggling eyebrows::: lol
26 January 2012 at 7:09 am
nameless
What is DEX? Can I out my wrecker there too?
26 January 2012 at 9:09 am
Hmmm Kkkkk
Dex is simply a search for local business reviews. The homewrecker she encountered was a business owner.
31 January 2012 at 11:13 am
homewrecker
Tried to enter some amusing links. Guess that doesn’t work here. So, to “out” your wrecker, go to cheaterville-dot-com, and then, for fun, google “Hi, Steven, Do I have your attention now? and check out the billboard this soon-to-be ex-wife posted!
5 February 2012 at 8:30 pm
Becky
The billboard is a hoax but funny!
20 February 2012 at 8:39 am
Hoaxer
Becky,
Your cruel comment has kept people from chatting on here. How is someone’s pain funny? Have you ever been burned or let me guess, you are an outed homewrecker who is ticked about it and taking it out on those of us who are trying to heal from heartbreak. Funny, huh? More like downright pathetic.
20 February 2012 at 11:49 am
homewrecker
I’ve just been busy!
I took Becky’s use of the word “hoax” as ignorance.
20 February 2012 at 1:58 pm
Hmmm Kkkk
Actually, I think Becky was referring to the fact that the billboard posted turned out to not be real, but rather a publicity stunt.
http://www.snopes.com/love/revenge/emily.asp
23 February 2012 at 4:40 am
Becky
Hmmm Kkkk is correct. I wasn’t making fun of your pain, not at all.I have my own. I was commenting on EXACTLY what the link posted above states. That the billboard was PRETEND and it WAS funny. As per homewrecker yourself—you posted it as “amusing links”Was I not supposed to find an “amusing link” amusing?
I am not outed homewrecker. I am what you’d call a “betrayed spouse” but obviously this isn’t the place to find support. My use of the word “hoax” was grammatically correct and not “ignorant”
Perhaps you should look at your statements, I am the one being made to feel unwelcome and having cruel statements made about me.
Definitions:
HOAX:noun
1.
something intended to deceive or defraud: The Piltdown man was a scientific hoax.
verb (used with object)
2.
to deceive by a hoax; hoodwink.
IGNORANT
1.
lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned: an ignorant man.
2.
lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact: ignorant of quantum physics.
3.
uninformed; unaware.
4.
due to or showing lack of knowledge or training: an ignorant statement.
I guess I’ll continue to look elsewhere in my quest for like minded people.
I am not comfortable vilifying everyone without knowledge or assuming the worst in people. Best of luck to all of you. Maybe people posting because so many people were being nasty.
23 February 2012 at 6:00 am
homewrecker
Geez. I never said the billboard was real. I said it was amusing. I take offense at Becky’s use of the word “hoax” in describing this thread. If you believe we are a hoax, you are ignorant of the truth, and you yourself are just being nasty. If you want to come on a board and insult folks by calling it a “hoax,” you are asking to get flamed. If you want to be comfortable in your next group, try coming in nicely and watching your words more carefully.
23 February 2012 at 6:04 am
homewrecker
ok, ok, ok… wait a dadburn minute… I see my error, and I apologize. I thought I’d read that Becky called this board a hoax. Yes, yes, yes… the billboard WAS a hoax, but we — and all the trials and tribulations you read about here — are definitely real. (Although some are so crazy sometimes you wonder).
Becky, I am sorry.
2 March 2012 at 10:17 pm
ATL
My boyfriend has an ex girlfriend who won’t leave us alone. Me and him recently had a kid and we’re engaged. When I met my fiancée he was a jerk. Me and him started dating 2 weeks after we met and a week later he told me that before we started dating he had sex with his ex. They had been broken up for over six months, called themselves friends, and slept together up until me and him started dating. I shoold have left him then but didn’t. I have truly come to love him and me and him have been together for over a year. I have no regrets staying with him and me and him both are very in love with our son. His ex has the gall to text him. I saw it and replied while my boyfriend was napping. She tried to tell me that my boyfriend never loved me and was only with me because SHE wouldn’t be with him. Early into mine and my bf’s relationship he told me that his ex said she wishes she were the girl that he spent all his time with. Me and my boyfriend are happy and in love. He loves my parents and is always asking them for advice in life. He’s a good guy and I don’t think he’d cheat on me. I’ve come to determine that this girl is a home wrecker and is too immature to leave our relationship alone. Their relationship was over a loong time ago. Why waste your time on someone whose life is completely different. She claims she knows Tyler better than I, but I doubt she knows how strong his faith his and how he completely turned his life around because of me. This girl is driving me nuts. How can we get her to stop texting my boyfriend?
3 March 2012 at 4:05 pm
Homewrecked by the Village Bicycle
Ummmm…chnage your numbers. She can only text you if you let her.
5 March 2012 at 5:04 am
Billy
Billy is back. Bumass keeps coming and going crying his blues to get my crazyass Mom to feel more sorry for him. Then I hear him talking to his wife on his cell when she goes to the bathroom to put on more warpaint. He loud whispers like I can’t hear him telling his wife more opposite BS like how he’s working when he has no job. Then theres my Mom who tells him he don’t need to work case she makes enough to support them both. My Dad supports her and she pretends that she is all that to impress bumass wit no job. Hate living here. Hate my Mom. She is a loser who doesnt care how wrong she is just so she has a man to eat her out. Todl her that too but she don’t care. Bumass is getting the best of both dummies worlds. Wonder what his wife is like since Mom calls her names and blames her for Bumass not working or living up to his wonderfulness. Mom doesn;t get it. That’s his wife and she has no right begging him to be around here. My Mom is just a sideline slut hungry for this piece of crap who lies and cheats behind her back too. Mom calls him a hunk to her lame friends and uses him as a weight loss plan. When hes here, she starves herself then stuffs it the second he leaves. She has canker sores on her mouth again and his were open when he got here. What does that tell you?
11 March 2012 at 8:50 pm
Hmmm Kkkk
Billy, perhaps redirecting your anger into something more positive would help you be able to deal with this better. If your mom is a “loser,” do not stoop to her level. As an adult, she is going to do what she is going to do and there is little you can do about it. However, you can ignore … or at least pretend to… the drama that surrounds her and plan for your own life. You have a relationship with your dad… nurture it and do not pollute it with complaints and gossip about your mom. But I have to tell you, that allowing that bitterness to eat at you is going to color every relationship you ever have with a woman for the rest of your life. Is it really worth it?
Becky, I do hope you return. If you are shadowing, then you realize it was just a misunderstanding. There are many here that can offer solace, advice and comfort during a time when you need it the most… and find it the least.
18 March 2012 at 10:21 pm
YAMS
HOPE THE TRANSESTITE WHO KEEPS SEXTING MY HUSBAND GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES. HOPE SOMEONE BREAKS HER NEXT RELATIONSHIP UP THE SAME WAY SHE DID MINE. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THAT THEY GO AFTER OTHER PEOPLE”S SPOUSES?
20 March 2012 at 9:31 am
Hmmm Kkkk
If she has done it more than once, your husband is also to blame. He could block her number or otherwise let her know her advances are unwelcomed. If he has not done so, I would be asking why.
24 March 2012 at 5:59 am
Leigh
Homewreckers have no self-esteem, morals or dignity. Find a man that is unattached! Leaza Greenroad, you should get a life that doesn’t involve sending your masturbation videos to married men.
4 April 2012 at 6:34 pm
Sammie
I have been in both situations here and i can say it sucks to have a female rip apart your marriage but in all reality if you look into it a man cheats or goes for a homewrecker because women most generally lose their side of them that men fall in love with such as respecting them and letting them know so or just telling them you apreciate the little things they do for us and once that stopps they go for the first thing/person that gives that to them and there you have it they cheat and the homewrecker succeedes but usually doesnt get the man anyways so its neither one your loss or hers you got stuck with an asshole whom you didnt need to be with in the first place so better you let go and there you have it now for homewreckers i have fallen for a married man before felt horrible for it but i was young and niave and fell for the i care about you bs wanted to stop but something made it so hard i hated how things were going but when you realize that man is taken and its not worth it and it all clicks i think you can make the right choice and tell that mother fuc4er where to go because he is only hurting you and using you for a booty call in the end which is all they usually turn out to be and its not a pleasent feeling so rather than bash homewreckers why not give them advise to stop what they are doing and dont judge them for it we all have hearts and cant help who drives us crazy at any point in our lives and most people are attracted to what they “cant” have it s normal to go after those desires its not our placve to judge and i mostly judge they male and thats wrong of me but who are we to say whats right and wrong to a person and their opinions if they do wrong by you cut your loses and go for the next best thing in your life thats coming your way dont waste your time being petty or depressed bc ur man cheated leave and move on his loss
4 April 2012 at 9:12 pm
Hmmm Kkkk
Sammie, while you are entitled to an opinion, I disagree.
“women most generally lose their side of them that men fall in love with such as respecting them and letting them know so or just telling them you apreciate the little things they do for us and once that stopps they go for the first thing/person that gives that to them”
Marriage goes through ebbs and flows. No person married stays the same, nor should they. Mature people should realize that. You don’t stay “in love” with someone because they constantly stroke your ego, or because they do things for you. You stay “in love” because you CHOOSE to stay in love – in spite of the fact that neither of you is perfect all the time. You stay “in love” because you are an honorable person who takes committment seriously. You stay “in love” because you promised to do so.
As for given advice to the lowlife, pondscum that preys on another family, if that peice of garbage hasn’t learned how to be a decent human being by the time she begins her poaching career, she will never learn it. For you to say “can’t help it” makes me think you must be quite young… and not mature enough to make decisions about love. Love… Is…. A…. Choice. For you to suggest that you can’t help who you love cheapens the meaning of the word. Loving someone is not the same thing as wanting to see them naked. I want to see Antonio Banderas naked; does that mean I love him? lol No… it means I have a physical response induced by hormones. That isn’t love, hun.
Love is holding his head while he dry heaves on the bathroom floor from the chemo. Love is rubbing lotion on the dry, cracked skin that barely covers his ribs since he lost so much weight and has bedsores. Love is putting a wool blanket in the dryer 30 times a day to warm it because he is so cold. Love is buying her a nightie in a size 7, which she hasn’t worn since before the first kid was born… because you truly believe that is her size. Love is holding her withered hand while she sits in dementia induced confusion. I have seen all of this in my grandparents. Did they fight? Were they ever less that nice to one another? Absolutely. But they knew that love.. REAL LOVE… not that crap you are mooning about… was a choice you made. And if you were an honorable person, it was a choice you made daily.
Love is all of these things that have nothing to do with sex. Until you learn that, you will forever be a slave to your hormones and never know real love.
5 April 2012 at 5:47 am
Homewrecked by the VIllage Bicycle
Well said, Hmmm!
(As always).
Sammie – While I can respect that you have your right to an opinion – it does sound like you have the opinion(s) of 1. The Homewrecker, 2. What is that your hinting at – a jilted wife? Or girlfirend? One month or two?
Forgive my ignorance – but it certainly doesn’t read like you have the perspective of a wife (of many years or not), or of the woman that may have borne children for the sleezebag. Certainly not the perspective of a woman that invested her life and soul just to have it ruined by someone (yes I know it takes at least two to tango) with no morals, self respect or sense of personal accountability.
To lay even a little blame on the Scorned Spouse – speaks A LOT about your level of expertise.
I don’t ask my mechanic to do my taxes, and I don’t ask dentist to fix my car.
5 April 2012 at 9:17 am
Sammie
I did invest my everything to my husband had a child with this man as well and realized it was the wrong man and had I done different he wouldn’t have gone to another woman yes both parties fault all 3 r at fault n my opinion how did I know a man felt like cheating bc of neglect from his wife because my ex husband and I are close friends and talk about it do I understand and that’s where I got my opinion based off of but I also believe the home wrecker shouldn’t be with a known married man but also with my career choice I have learned to be reserved about a lot as well as prepare for everyone in my life to leave it makes life easier and to have lost a husband and to have lost a son makes losen a man easier but I understand where your coming from I don’t put all blame on the spouse go got cheated on I mostly blame the cheater and the one who helped cheat but it’s everyone’s fault n the “love triangle”
5 April 2012 at 1:04 pm
Homewrecked by the Village Bicycle
What about the husband who was not neglected? The one that had it all and was vocal about that. Whose “fault” is it when the cheating spouse openly tell the homewrecker that he doesn’t want to be with her? That he loves his wife and his children and the life he has with them.
Wonder why if the blame should be shared like a piece of pie – there is so much shame in being a homewrecker and more of the dirty whores don’t shout out their names from the rooftops?
Why is it that if cheating was justified, more a**holes didn’t just come clean about it, instead of lying and sneaking around?
I wonder why if the scorned spouse was always the initial cause, she should be the ONLY one in this damn triangle of yours that NEVER got ANY satisfaction, but bore the brunt of the humiliation, devastation and pain?
Why was she not part of the decision to go outside of the marriage, then? Why not just say, “Honey, I’m not feeling loved – so I’m just going to Whore’s R’ Us, ok?”
Does that pie suit you? Go ahead and eat it.
If you want to lay the blame at the feet of the offender and the c*nt he rode in on – be my guest. If you want to lay blame on yourself for your failed marriage – good for you. I hope you heal.
Don’t blame me.
It’s quite disgusting to have to deal with people that assume their issues are the same as everyone else’s.
When the relationship isn’t working – there comes a point for conversation. Talk about it – decide what to do about it. Work on it, or don’t. I don’t care. Get divorced. Get counselling. Whatever.
Don’t cheat. It’s a complete disrespect, to yourself and your spouse.
If you let your ex blame you for the fact that he didn’t open up his mouth and tell you there were issues both of you needed to work on – then I feel sorry for you.
I REFUSE to share any responsibility for the poor decisions of other people. I resent that you would suggest that the heartbroken do the same.
5 April 2012 at 2:30 pm
Hmmm Kkkkk
Tell ya what, Sammie, you go right ahead and take responsibility for the failure of your marriage if you think it is your due. But do not presume to tell the rest of us that we weren’t “enough” to keep our husbands from becoming the playtoy of a vicious homewrecker. I was told by my ex that I wasn’t “thin enough; young enoug; nice enough; supportive enough; ect…” and I didn’t take that shit from him, so I am damned sure not going to take it from you. I, like the wonderful woman above, share NO responsibility in the decision my ex and his whore made to have sex.
I have no idea if you have remarried or not, but I have news if you plan to… you WILL be cheated on again. Any woman who doesn’t have enough self respect to place blame where it belongs attracts the kind of man that takes advantage of that lack.
As for whatever your line of work is… I cannot imagine it has anything to do with the topic at hand. There is a difference between reserving judgment until all the facts or known… and ignoring the known facts and reveling in your role as a doormat. Infidelity is NEVER the only option. And for decent people (which obviously excludes your new best friend/exhusband), it is NEVER an option. I don’t care if the woman racks up the credit cards, stops bathing altogether, refuses to cook or clean, or even withholds her own affection. You can bring up the issues and try to resolve him… or you can LEAVE.
As for the “salt of the earth” whore/homewreckers you want to reserve judgment for… why? Are you afraid if you judge them, you will be forced to judge your own actions? Because, I gotta tell ya… if you do NOT judge your own actions, but simply excuse them, you are doomed to repeat the same patterns. Good luck with finding happiness in that mindset.
8 April 2012 at 9:12 am
maggie
There are a great many totally innocent women out there who were good and faithful wives in long and good marriages who had a homewrecking slut come along and trespass on their lives. There is no way to describe the pain of such a betrayal, whether sex was actually involved or not, except to say those who have been there understand. I have no patience with people who take up for the homewreckers or try to pass blame off on the wives as being neglectful of their husbands. My husband has been seeing a psychiatrist for several years now and is living deep in his remorse for having gotten into emails with the old maid tramp who came after him. Margaret Ecker is a homewrecker wannabe. She’s a nobody and a nothing as all homewrecker wannabes are. Don’t dwell on them. Scorn them. Out them. Ridicule them. But don’t fall for the Sammies of the world who want to spread the blame.
22 April 2012 at 4:01 pm
giusi
Van, I respectfully disagree with the comment you wrote in response to Barbara’s first comment. Obviously growing up in a broken home does destroy somebody’s life, regardless of the success a person may gain on their own means. They will always have that emptiness in their life. You have no right to say that she made her own life when you know nothing about the person. Maybe she is happy and completely successful, but somebody can never get over the fact that a woman destroyed her family. It is 1 thing when 2 people do not get along and they divorce and a few years down the line, they find somebody who respects that they were previously married and have children from another relationship. There are millions of single people in the world, so nobody tells you that you have to be with somebody who has children from a previous relationship.
I respect you for taking responsibility Barbara, but it doesn’t change the fact that your husband is a man who committed adultery. So many homewreckers use the excuse and find comfort in saying, “Well if it wasn’t me, it would be another person.” Let it be another person if the marriage doesn’t work and two people are actually divorced and later on move on and find new partners, but to knowingly get involved with a man who is married is disgusting. It is a million times more disgusting and trashy when the man has children and you know this. I was deeply attracted to a married man before who I still believe is the most charming and handsome man I have ever met, but I left it at that, a crush. I never would become physically or emotionally involved with a man who has a wife and kids. People who do this have really low self esteem and fear that they can’t get their own significant other.
This situation is so close to me because while my dad was married to my mother, he got another woman pregnant and this woman ended up having a child out of wedlock while my dad remained married to my mother for another 2 years. My mother was in complete shock when she found out about my father’s son. This woman knew about me and she knew about my mother. As a matter of fact, my dad would pick her up with me in the car when I was a child. When my mom found out about her and called her, she was so cold and had zero regard. This woman is still with my dad, although my dad has cheated on her and abused her a million times. I guess she is the only one who would stay in such a relationship.
Although I am a happy and successful person, I will always say that this woman destroyed my life. I can not tell you the names she called me through out the years and the problems she created between my father and I. I have received angry calls from her when I decided to go to university years ago, for me to not think her husband would pay for it. She only wanted him to be a father to her children. Whenever my dad was separated from her, he always spent so much time with me. Then, it would change when he reunited with her. I have seen her about 5 times since she has been with my dad for the simple fact that my dad is not always with her. The times I did see her, I really was civil and even friendly. However, this all came to an end a few months ago when my dad asked me to open his text messages because he couldn’t operate his new cellphone. I shockingly seen, she wrote him so many hateful messages about my mother and I, calling me a slu* and so many disgusting things. I couldn’t understand why a woman I had not seen in 5 years was speaking so bad about me. Also, she only seen my mother 2 times and she knows little to nothing about us. I have ended any ties including a relationship with my dad because he never defended me or drew a line because he, himself, is a monster.
22 April 2012 at 4:16 pm
giusi
P.S. I wish our culture would change in the USA and parts of Europe, where we simply accept extra marital relations and divorce as a part of life, without realizing the long term consequences. Hollywood is constantly glamorizing blended families, family/divorce attorneys post signs that say, “Life’s too short, get a divorce”, and people are constantly saying whatever percent the divorce rate happens to be to justify their decisions. Well, not everything is what it sees and not every family will become the Kardashians and I’m sure they have problems behind the scenes too. The truth is that coming from a nuclear family is always ideal and much simpler. For the homewreckers who are still with the guy from the affair, your children have this nuclear family, while you took it away from another child. Before people make decisions, they need to look at the consequences and at all the people they are hurting. The married person should be held mostly at fault and maybe they should have never gotten married to begin with if they couldn’t handle commitment and a family. People should just stay single and never have kids if they are going to cheat. Also, second and third marriages seem to have equally or higher failure rates than first marriages, so if he did it to her, chances are he will do it to you! Finally, adultery is one of the only clear sins in all religions. I wish all these pro-lifers and such would condemn adultery and divorce the way they do other things, considering that adultery is most plainly stated as a sin. Seriously, we are becoming a culture with no morals or feelings for other people.
18 May 2012 at 6:20 pm
anastacia castillo
Jennifer Curiel of Anna, TX is a homewrecker. She has two kids by two different men and is truely ugly. She has a Jay Leno chin that sticks out a mile long. She deserves to be slapped!
24 May 2012 at 10:10 am
Chevy
Tara K. Hoskins, the so called president of Home Equity Mortgage is a homewrecker w/ 2 kids to 2 differnt men too. she looks like a dude too. What’s up wit that?