FREE YOURSELF FROM THE DRAMA

Welcome Ladies! This site was created specifically for women who seek to understand how to remove a large chunk of drama from their lives by avoiding the jerks of the world. Jerks come in all flavors, but with a little help from the more experienced, you’ll be on your way to understanding who they are. Don’t get us wrong! Jerks are humans too so they deserve to co-exist on earth. But it is entirely up to you whether or not you want them to affect your life. Remember the simple equation for drama in your relationship is:

DRAMA = JERK + YOU

You can’t remove you from your life, so common sense says the fastest way to reduce drama is to immediately remove the JERK element. Then you can focus on balancing the other half. Stay tuned my curious friend, you will soon be on your way to a more secure and productive life.

 

He dumped her, and she went ballistic!

My guy friend recently dumped his girlfriend after about 3 months of dating. Apparently, she went ballistic and cried, yelled, and accused him of using her and cheating her. Then she got her mother to yell at him through phone text. Ladies, ladies, ladies….Don’t go ballistic on a nice guy who dumps you. It’s a gift to you to help you understand where you are in life.

 

Are you in denial that you don’t like yourself?

There’s a condition that some people find themselves in neck-deep, and that’s called DENIAL. This is when you do your best to avert attention from the fact that you really don’t like yourself by raising a stink about other people not doing their job or trying to keep you from your full potential. Of course I want everyone to love themselves and try their hardest to make themselves better. But people in denial only pretend to love themselves, and they pretend to try making themselves better, when actually they deeply can’t see any hope in their situation.

 

Be the Bad Guy

I’ve often heard stories of men and women who can’t leave their partners because it never seemed the right moment to break the news. In some cases, bad timing is legitimate. But what I’m about to rant on are people who use bad timing as an excuse to avoid looking like the “bad guy”.

 

Love or Attachment?

Here’s a great question you should be asking yourself when you want to know the true nature of your feelings for another person. Is it love or is it attachment? Sometimes when you really think you’re in love with someone, you’re actually attached to that person. The difference is pretty clear; it is in your desire for that person’s happiness and personal growth, with or without you.

 

Jerk-free Handwriting

It’s been about a year and a half since I decided to be jerk-free. That just means that I made a decision to disallow people with different values than mine from affecting my life. As soon as I decided to avoid people who make me feel bad, and surround myself with people who are honest, sincere, loyal, and non-superficial, the quality of my life shot up many times over. I stay away from jerks, and jerks don’t affect me…Funny how that works, huh?

 

Let go of the sadness

Eighteen years ago, I remember sitting alone many nights listening to Bonnie Raitt’s song “I Can’t Make You Love Me” while feeling really sorry for myself that my boyfriend didn’t seem to give me the affection I wanted. It was such an addicting sad song, I listened to it over and over again thinking about how sad I was that I poured my heart out for someone who didn’t seem to reciprocate my attachment to him…What a baffoon I was!

 

Accepting pain to remove it

I’m one of the first to tell you that you’re not a victim in whatever circumstance you find yourself in. You might not be able to change your circumstance, but you certainly can change your reaction to the circumstance. If you lost your job, you can blame the lousy economy and wallow in the pity, or you can see it as an opportunity to change your career to something more suitable. If you caught your boyfriend cheating on you, you can blame the asswipe for breaking your expectations, or you can welcome the truth about who he is so you can re-evaluate his suitability for you. But what happens when the emotional pain that results from the circumstance seems to take over every inch of your body no matter how much you don’t want it?

 

Act on happiness, not on fear

I know it’s been a long time since I posted on this blog, mostly because I’ve been quite busy with exciting things happening in my life. Earlier this year, I picked up and moved to New Zealand, somewhere I’ve wanted to live for about 15 years now. I finally did it, and haven’t regretted it since.  I really have to thank the jerks in my life for helping make that happen. Without them, I would have never really looked at myself and what made me genuinely happy.

 

Men in uniforms

My friend was right. She told me she could smell a post coming from me about men in uniforms after we had a discussion about this last week. Why do so many women find a man in uniform very attractive? One of my guy buddies thinks that a uniform represents power, and most women crave to be around powerful men. Well I really don’t think that it’s an issue of power more than it is an issue of self-discipline and intent for the greater good, you know…things that make us productive members of society instead of selfish greedy bastards.

 

Surround yourself with Trust

I’m reading a new book called “The Speed of Trust” by Stephen M.R. Covey, the son of business management guru Stephen R. Covey. I’m only half way through, but I’m finding it a fascinating account of how much faster the world works when you operate on high trust. Although it’s primarily a business management book, the principles applies to any type of relationship in your life, business or personal.

 

Haters are gonna hate

I didn’t mean to abandon some of my readers. Yes, I’m still alive and full of opinions about relationships and life. Someone asked me when I told him about my blog, “Just what makes you think you’re an authority on relationships?” I responded that it was only my opinion that I was sharing, and you get what you want to get out of reading it. Haters are gonna hate, and learners are gonna learn. So it really doesn’t matter what I say on my blog, you’ve already made up your mind on how you want to approach life, and you’re looking at my blog to help you justify your attitude.

 

Being honest with yourself

I recently had a reader remind me that no one deserves to be lied to and manipulated. She read my last post about being equally responsible for a split in the relationship. She explained that sometimes, the split happens because one person was a lying and manipulative bastard like her ex-partner. I saw little of myself in her in my hurt and her anguish of being lied to, so I decided to explain a little further what I meant by being equally responsible for a split.

 

He just up and left her

I recently had a phone call from my mother telling me about my uncle suddenly leaving his wife without any warning. Yup. He up and left her after 26 years of marriage. Their 3 kids are all now adults, but the shock of his leaving sent chills down my mother’s spine. She felt it her duty to call me and tell me about how much of a dickwad my uncle was for leaving her with the mortgage and no financial backing. She heavily hinted that men were evil, and that you can’t trust them to have your back.

 

Deadbeat dads

I was watching a Dr. Phil episode 2 weeks ago about a deadbeat dad whose ex-wife and daughter confronted him on the show. It was an amusing show because the dad was the poster child of deadbeat dads. He was a bum…literally a homeless hoboe who roamed the streets and rafted down the river looking for scraps. Not a cent to his name, and hasn’t seen his daughter for 17 years.

 

The first boundary of a relationship

I’ve learned that having boundaries is probably THE MOST important thing you can possess if you want to get things done in life. Everyone has them. There’s a boundary to how long you’ll wait for someone who appears to have stood you up; otherwise you’ll end up waiting in that same spot for the rest of your life. There’s a boundary on how low of a price you’ll sell your house or dump your stock; otherwise you’ll never reap the benefits of an investment. But the ones that I think that are most important to your emotional maturity are the boundaries you set in relationships.

 

Arranged marriages

I watched a 20/20 episode in New Zealand the other day about arranged marriages. I was amazed at the facts surrounding such an ancient practice. Did you know that over 90% of marriages in India, and 60% of marriages in the world, are arranged? I bet you did not know such a staggering rate. I certainly didn’t. I’m not necessarily choosing the practice for myself, but let’s think about the common sense of this for a moment.

 

Projecting your desires onto him

In most relationships, one person does a little bit of projecting of their desires onto the other person. Normally,  it’s the initial reason for the attraction. But if you continue to project your desires onto a man without seeing his compatibility, you are in danger of making him into an object in your list of possessions.

 

Waiting for him to commit

Some women are generally unhappy with life. They get depressed about their situation. They feel sorry for themselves. They don’t understand why life is so unfair to them or why people treat them so unfairly. In many cases, their excuse for unhappiness falls onto the shoulder of some jerk who would happily keep them in a state of confusion. I’m talking about a man who is cognizant of a woman’s desire for commitment, and knows that he doesn’t want the same thing, yet keeps her in a state of confusion. I’m talking about the jerk who won’t commit but wants you around.

 

You’re too precious for him

My friend told me an amusing story about something that her latest dating dud said to her. After they were hot and heavy for a couple of months, he decided to start giving her space and encouraging her to date other people. When she confronted him about the change of behavior, he told her that he was timid about jumping into a relationship because he was afraid he’ll “mess it up with her”.

 

Excuses, excuses, excuses

I’m a big fan of combat sports, so I watch a competitive fight every chance I get. The other day, during my visit in Australia, I caught a bit of the reality TV show called “Contender Asia” where kickboxers from around the world duke it out for a grand title. On this episode, the French fighter came across as very flippant and arrogant. Frenchie wasn’t exactly the type of guy I’d want to have as BFF, but he wasn’t the guy I disliked the most. It was the fellow American fighter who pretended to be a loving father whose ass I most wanted to shove my foot into.