Welcome Ladies! This site was created specifically for women who seek to understand how to remove a large chunk of drama from their lives by avoiding the jerks of the world. Jerks come in all flavors, but with a little help from the more experienced, you’ll be on your way to understanding who they are. Don’t get us wrong! Jerks are humans too so they deserve to co-exist on earth. But it is entirely up to you whether or not you want them to affect your life. Remember the simple equation for drama in your relationship is:

DRAMA = JERK + YOU

You can’t remove you from your life, so common sense says the fastest way to reduce drama is to immediately remove the JERK element. Then you can focus on balancing the other half. Stay tuned my curious friend, you will soon be on your way to a more secure and productive life.

Thinking it invites it into your life.

Well it’s been a long time since an update. That’s probably because I really don’t have any jerk musings to complain about anymore. Yup, the old jerk diet has really done my self esteem and confidence wonders.

I still see a lot of emotional suffering around me, but I choose not to get involved in them if I can help it. I’m quite happy now thinking about things of present. I retired from professional fighting, but found joy in coaching other fighters discover their capabilities. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s been over 2 years since I decided to no longer allow jerks in my life, and I have been so happy since. I found a life free from the mental anguish to which I bounded myself. It was a decision that changed my life, allowing me to see that my happiness was entirely my choice. By asserting myself in keeping away from anyone who caused me drama, I was able to discover a world of things that brought me joy. Like attracts like, so a jerk-free world attracts jerk-free things.

The first thing I had to admit was that I was the cause of my own unhappiness. It’s not really a jerk’s fault that I was unhappy, but instead it was my choice to allow jerks to affect me. A jerk is a jerk is a jerk, and these types had been brought to my life because I allowed it. I knew in the back of my head that the things I was doing was not really bringing me inner peace, and yet I did them anyways because it was what I knew, and it seemed exciting. Jerks came and went, and that was a chapter in my life that I neither regret, nor do I yearn to have back. Self discovery of what I really wanted dictated that jerks were no longer required in life…and so it was.

Those of you who see your happiness on the other side of some fence (tangible or intangible) don’t realize just how close it is. Happiness is a choice. Things happen in life, some of which you can directly control, and some of which you can’t. But you are in full control of how you perceive things.  Who can blame you for wanting the excitement of victimization? I wanted it before and I got exactly what I wanted. Life moves you through emotions. When you find emotion from the huge swings of positive and negative feelings, you are certainly alive, but you are not at peace.

For me nowadays, the emotions that drive me are the thrills of discovering my own creativity and how it relates to others. Certainly not the excitement of being a victim, a psycho bitch, or a jerk, but it’s my little piece of peace in life. I have little bitterness left for the past, and I’ve moved on, which is why I don’t post as much on this blog anymore.  Wherever you are in life, may you eventually find your peace.

Desperation…bad bad bad. Opportunity…good good good. These are the two extremes of how you can view the very same situations life, kinda like saying “is the glass half empty or half full?”

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My boyfriend and I recently had a 2 week visit in California together. Although the objectives included fight training and business meetings, the primary goal was to introduce him to my family and friends. It seems kinda strange to be pushing 40 and bringing home a boyfriend to meet the family, but it was still an important part of the relationship.

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Two things has recently happened in my life that reminded me of the difference between loving someone and being in love with that someone. Loving someone can extend to every single person in the world. You can love someone without having to agree with that person, without having to share finances with that person, without even speaking to that person. But you can’t be in love with someone without seeing that person as someone with whom you can share your emotions and enjoy the little things. Even if you aren’t verbally expressive with your emotions, you would still find a way to let the other person know how you feel with your actions.

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Tensions in your relationships are often caused by someone thinking he or she is absolutely right. You’ve often heard about the man who claims that it really doesn’t matter who is right as long as he agrees that she is right. Well as p-whipped as that man may sound, there’s a little bit of sense in that. Many women tend to relentlessly argue why something is right or wrong, and usually their man detects this behavior and doesn’t bother presenting a counter argument because it will create more work for him than desired. So the man quietly says “Yes, Dear” and goes on with his own thing.

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When I wrote the original “Home Wreckers” article, I didn’t expect such a wide range of perspectives. There were strong and emotionally drained women who shared their thoughts on the topic. I even had a dude chime in. There were also some unnecessary bickering among them over what’s right, what’s wrong, and what’s logical. So I figured it’s time for me to address all the views that were expressed in the comments on the original post.

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My guy friend recently dumped his girlfriend after about 3 months of dating. Apparently, she went ballistic and cried, yelled, and accused him of using her and cheating her. Then she got her mother to yell at him through phone text. Ladies, ladies, ladies….Don’t go ballistic on a nice guy who dumps you. It’s a gift to you to help you understand where you are in life.

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There’s a condition that some people find themselves in neck-deep, and that’s called DENIAL. This is when you do your best to avert attention from the fact that you really don’t like yourself by raising a stink about other people not doing their job or trying to keep you from your full potential. Of course I want everyone to love themselves and try their hardest to make themselves better. But people in denial only pretend to love themselves, and they pretend to try making themselves better, when actually they deeply can’t see any hope in their situation.

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I’ve often heard stories of men and women who can’t leave their partners because it never seemed the right moment to break the news. In some cases, bad timing is legitimate. But what I’m about to rant on are people who use bad timing as an excuse to avoid looking like the “bad guy”.

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Here’s a great question you should be asking yourself when you want to know the true nature of your feelings for another person. Is it love or is it attachment? Sometimes when you really think you’re in love with someone, you’re actually attached to that person. The difference is pretty clear; it is in your desire for that person’s happiness and personal growth, with or without you.

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It’s been about a year and a half since I decided to be jerk-free. That just means that I made a decision to disallow people with different values than mine from affecting my life. As soon as I decided to avoid people who make me feel bad, and surround myself with people who are honest, sincere, loyal, and non-superficial, the quality of my life shot up many times over. I stay away from jerks, and jerks don’t affect me…Funny how that works, huh?

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Eighteen years ago, I remember sitting alone many nights listening to Bonnie Raitt’s song “I Can’t Make You Love Me” while feeling really sorry for myself that my boyfriend didn’t seem to give me the affection I wanted. It was such an addicting sad song, I listened to it over and over again thinking about how sad I was that I poured my heart out for someone who didn’t seem to reciprocate my attachment to him…What a baffoon I was!

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I’m one of the first to tell you that you’re not a victim in whatever circumstance you find yourself in. You might not be able to change your circumstance, but you certainly can change your reaction to the circumstance. If you lost your job, you can blame the lousy economy and wallow in the pity, or you can see it as an opportunity to change your career to something more suitable. If you caught your boyfriend cheating on you, you can blame the asswipe for breaking your expectations, or you can welcome the truth about who he is so you can re-evaluate his suitability for you. But what happens when the emotional pain that results from the circumstance seems to take over every inch of your body no matter how much you don’t want it?

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I know it’s been a long time since I posted on this blog, mostly because I’ve been quite busy with exciting things happening in my life. Earlier this year, I picked up and moved to New Zealand, somewhere I’ve wanted to live for about 15 years now. I finally did it, and haven’t regretted it since.  I really have to thank the jerks in my life for helping make that happen. Without them, I would have never really looked at myself and what made me genuinely happy.

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My friend was right. She told me she could smell a post coming from me about men in uniforms after we had a discussion about this last week. Why do so many women find a man in uniform very attractive? One of my guy buddies thinks that a uniform represents power, and most women crave to be around powerful men. Well I really don’t think that it’s an issue of power more than it is an issue of self-discipline and intent for the greater good, you know…things that make us productive members of society instead of selfish greedy bastards.

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I’m reading a new book called “The Speed of Trust” by Stephen M.R. Covey, the son of business management guru Stephen R. Covey. I’m only half way through, but I’m finding it a fascinating account of how much faster the world works when you operate on high trust. Although it’s primarily a business management book, the principles applies to any type of relationship in your life, business or personal.

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I didn’t mean to abandon some of my readers. Yes, I’m still alive and full of opinions about relationships and life. Someone asked me when I told him about my blog, “Just what makes you think you’re an authority on relationships?” I responded that it was only my opinion that I was sharing, and you get what you want to get out of reading it. Haters are gonna hate, and learners are gonna learn. So it really doesn’t matter what I say on my blog, you’ve already made up your mind on how you want to approach life, and you’re looking at my blog to help you justify your attitude.

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I recently had a reader remind me that no one deserves to be lied to and manipulated. She read my last post about being equally responsible for a split in the relationship. She explained that sometimes, the split happens because one person was a lying and manipulative bastard like her ex-partner. I saw little of myself in her in my hurt and her anguish of being lied to, so I decided to explain a little further what I meant by being equally responsible for a split.

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I recently had a phone call from my mother telling me about my uncle suddenly leaving his wife without any warning. Yup. He up and left her after 26 years of marriage. Their 3 kids are all now adults, but the shock of his leaving sent chills down my mother’s spine. She felt it her duty to call me and tell me about how much of a dickwad my uncle was for leaving her with the mortgage and no financial backing. She heavily hinted that men were evil, and that you can’t trust them to have your back.

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